Gidget goes to...

Hot Pink Pants

2012-02-13T15:06:00.000-08:00

What are the style rules for being able to wear hot pink pants? I mean when is the cut off age? Surely there must be one. Right?

Well that thought alone convinced me to hop on the colored denim band wagon. I hopped on at Value Village where they had quite a large selection of vintage and modern colored denim (hello high waisted tapered pastel pink pants!). I went with a non vintage selection which is incredibly bubble gum pink.

Each time I wear these pants I have to muster up the courage. I mean they are quite loud....but in all reality aren't I loud. At least I am when I am around other adults. Our home is actually quiet when it's me and Max. Unless I am trying to get him to laugh. Then I am loud again.

I really do suggest getting a pair of hot pink pants. They are incredibly spunky yet entirely feminine. I love wearing them with a white top and navy sweater. Or my chambray shirt from Target.

What else does one wear with hot pink pants? Suggestions?

On Friendships

2012-02-12T21:02:00.000-08:00

I am a middle child. In my opinion, being a middle child is not so good for developing and maintaining friendships. At least being the middle child in between boys. I grew up learning how to entertain myself. Reading, playing pretend in the backyard, and playing barbies were largely solitary acts.

Do you remember in grade school how ranking your best friends became very important. We would rush around recess asking our friends where we stood in their mind. The goal obviously was to be number one to your number one. When people asked me who my number one was I always felt bad, I remember seeing sad faces if I named a particular person so I started saying my own name. I would get goofy looks and then in my very wise third grade mind would explain that I was my best friend. Then I would proceed to name who my number two was.....

Brittni entered my life around first grade but it wasn't until third or fourth grade that we really started to click and our friendship flourished. My adolesence is jam packed with memories on her grandpa's dairy farm and acting crazy at camp. We started to choose different paths in life and it caused a pretty big rift for awhile. But we still cared immensly for each other. She is one person who I have been able to maintain a fairly strong relationship with over the years.

I bring this up because recently I had the chance to visit with some dear high school friends of mine. Our relationships had drifted considerably since we graduated despite going to college in the same city (and for one at the same college).

I let our relationships go. I declare sole responsibility. I sabotage friendships. I can't handle when life makes big changes and when it does my mode of adaptation is to let go of the old and grab hold of the new. I tried doing this with Brittni when I was going to middle school. I came over to her house and sat her down and we had a talk about how I was going to be a mature sixth grader and I couldn't be friends with an elementary school kid. She cried and then I felt bad and realized it was kinda silly. I am glad Brittni didn't let me destroy our friendship.

So I kinda stink at frienships because I grew up being used to hanging out with myself. I definitely crave friendship but often times I am extremely content to sit and read or surf rather than to call a friend over. Both are great, one requires more effort.

Being able to visit with my old high school friends I was so excited to realize that it's harder to destroy friendships than one might think. Beyond the time past hangs powerful memories of laughter and giggles which is always stronger.

I am grateful for a husband who is ultimately my best friend. I am glad he is there to go through every life change with me. He is my constant no matter where life may take me. I am grateful to have had him through the change from high school to college from apathy towards God to religious zeal.

I hope you do good to maintain your friendships. They are such precious things that are often too easily let go.

Turns out green is cheap.

2012-02-08T11:49:00.000-08:00

I was at Joann Fabrics the other day. Buying some PUL fabric. It's a fabric that is used for cloth diapers, wetbags (what you throw a dirty cloth diaper in to keep the ickiness in), and probably some other things. I was buying it to make a wetbag since the ones I had found to purchase were $15 and I had found a tutorial online that would let me make three for $10 I was going ahead with making my own.

A lady in line asked me what the fabric was for and when I explained that I use cloth diapers she then asked, "Do you do that because it's the "green" thing?"

I laughed because as much as green is in style (and arguably good for the environment) it was not why I cloth diaper. I cloth diaper because it is INFINITELY cheaper. In fact I have gotten even greener and made my own cloth wipes. I was washing diapers anyway, why not throw some cloth wipes in instead of having to separate it all.

I also make all of Max's baby food. Again, I do this because it's cheaper. It's also not hard. I make a big batch and put it in an ice cube tray and then put them in plastic bags in the freezer. I just plop two in the microwave for about 30 seconds and we are good to go. I also usually add some rice cereal to thicken and provide extra vitamins and such.

So being green is actually cheaper and I mean look at that baby in the cloth diaper. Being green is also CUTER!

Scenes from A Sabbath Day

2012-02-06T13:38:00.000-08:00

I love Sunday. It is a day that we worship God and spend extra quality time with family. We read on the couch and watch Max learn to crawl chasing shadows. I might also indulge in a rootbeer float or two.

Reclaiming myself

2012-02-02T13:19:00.000-08:00

I have felt a bit lost lately.

My day revolves around a 17 lb bundle of joy. Feed him, change him, play with him, make sure he doesn't pull the portable heater on top of his head. I work out at the YMCA for about 40 minutes a day (if I manage to make it there and if Bubba decides to cooperate for the childcare).

I relish in those minutes where I can run, zumba, do pushups.

That's my problem. As much as I enjoy working out, I don't consider it a passion. It doesn't fuel my soul. I need soul fuel. Everyone does. And everyone's looks different. I'm still not quite positive what my soul fuel is but I want to find it.

So I am sewing ( I made a wetbag (with help), diaper pail liner, bowtie, and am currently in the process of making cloth wipes) Ok so those sewing projects still revolve around a 17lb baby. But still I said it's progress.

I also bought some hot pink jeans at Value Village (I couldn't bring myself to actually spend more than $10 on a pair of hot pink pants). It definitely helped.

Cornered

2012-01-25T08:31:00.000-08:00

Baby Toes!!!!

I think Max is finally actually cutting a tooth. I figured this out because he cannot seem to nap longer than 30 minutes where he usually naps an hour or more. No variable has changed so I have to assume. I was grumbling about this to myself. You see naps are vital to a mother. They are an oasis. So when the naps are 30 minutes I get a bit...irked.

You're not supposed to be irked at your baby for not napping properly are you?

It's bad etiquette or something.

But then something lovely happened yesterday. Max woke from a nap and I went to get him, I had been watching a movie so we returned to the movie watching and he would lay his head on my chest for a few minutes and then perk up, lay his head down and then perk up. This went on for a good ten minutes or so when I realized he hadn't perked up in a bit. He fell asleep on me!

This happens a lot when they are newborns but I have noticed it becomes increasingly rare to feel the warm nuzzle of your baby under your chin. I relished in the moment (which lasted an hour!) slightly cursing myself for putting the couch pillow out of reach so that I could be a little more comfortable. Didn't matter though because his warm body breathed methodically against mine. T'was heaven.

On another note I was cornered at the market by two older ladies yesterday. I saw them oogling at Max from a distance and near the bread they planned an attack trapping me between two display cases of artisan bread and sparkling juices coming at me from both sides. They cooed and told me how precious and beautiful Max was. I couldn't agree with them more! They told me to cherish every moment because soon he will be in kindergarten, etc, etc.

Some people hate getting bombarded but I don't mind. In fact it makes me chuckle. I don't mindn that they grab his hands and pinch his cheeks (okay the pinching hasn't occured) because I get joy from seeing that my little babe brings others joy. I mean he is like human sunshine to me so if I can spread that light around to others who might be lonely or having a bad day. I count that as a bonus perk to having a baby in my book!

I didn't even mind them telling me to not take for granted my precious babe. They are well meant words and a good reminder for anyone. Although it's inevitable that I will take for granted these precious times in my life, for a moment they remind me to send a prayer of thanks to God, for my baby and the sheer joy he brings to my everyday.

A visit from Elder Holland

2012-01-23T13:23:00.000-08:00

Taken right before I found out I was pregnant with Max

Two weekends ago we got a visit from an apostle. My favorite apostle. The one that I anxiously wait for to speak during general conference.

It was wonderful. What an amazing speaker! He spoke about trials, why they happen, how we should respond when they do happen, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. Without even knowing it!

You see Kyle and I talked a bit before we heard him speak and thought about what question we would ask him if we could. My mind went blank. Really? No questions? I had to have some sort of question, I ALWAYS have a question. But nothing came to me.

The day of his visit I tried so hard to think of a question and then inspiration hit, He will answer an old question that lingers in your mind, that you have forgotten.

Boy did he ever! Just a few weeks ago I was lamenting to Kyle about trials and how just the thought of possibly going through one in the future gives me anxiety. The thought of feeling that heartbreak and despair and just hurting scares me. I think going through the miscarriage really jolted me. I hate being that depressed, that sad and hopeless.

But here is what Elder Holland said,

"God loves broken things."

The path to discipleship must go through Gethsemane and Calvary. We must go through trials so that we can experience a small bit of what the Savior went through. Don't ever wish that you don't have to go through trials because that is how we grow. When we go through trials square your shoulders and endure. When it seems like the sun will never rise again, that is when the faintest glimmer of light will shine. It will rise again.

This is all paraphrased of course but it resonated so deeply within me as he shook his finger at us and slammed on the pulpit. It took me back to that miscarriage and regaining that hope through the atonement. It was exactly as he said, the sun will rise again! As I sat there listening to him bouncing my sweet baby I saw his counsel come to life right before my eyes.

I thought I would never be happy again but then Max came and brought every star with him. He is my shining light. His smile, his giggle, his determination to get that spoon, he brings so much joy to my day.

What a wonderful opportunity it was to sit at the foot of an apostle of God to feel God's love radiate so powerfully from his prescence and words. They will resonate forever in my heart. Becoming more ingrained as each beat sends truth throughout me.

Dude. I've been here half of a year.

2012-01-19T11:19:00.000-08:00

My precious boy has been here half of a year. It is hard to wrap my mind around it really. He feels brand new and old at the same time. He is growing and progressing like nobody's business, plus he is super cute to boot! He sits on his own, eats pureed veggies and fruits and sometimes a rice rusk (think giant rice krispy flake). He charms the elderly and grumps. He especially charms his parents. What can we say....it's the drool.
This is his come hither look. We practice this a lot at home for his future in wooing all the ladies. I think he has got it down but he still wants to practice on his momma all the time.

In last two days he has decided he wants to figure out this whole forward motion thing. He has got the rolling down pat but it's the army crawl he is trying to figure out currently. Basically he looks like an accordian contracting his body as he gets his feet to push him a half an inch closer. I, as his mother, have the sacred duty of taunting him by continually putting whatever object of desire continually out of reach. I think reading Dante's Inferno gave me too many ideas of how to make repitition an exciting part of life. Minus the whole punishment aspect.

Kyle is on school schedule once again and Max expects him home promptly at 5pm. Seriously after 5 Max gets completely bored with me. Once Papa walks in and Max is in his arms, totally chill. He will just sit with Kyle trying to soak up as much masculinity as possible to overcome the fact that we watched one too many episodes of Gilmore Girls.

I love my Mister, Bubba, Bubby, Max, Little Punk.

Love Story: Part 15

2012-01-09T15:53:00.000-08:00

Sorry about the long hiatus between love story posts. I had lost my groove a little bit, doubting my writing ability and such. If you need a jog in your memory, we just ended at him telling me he loved me and me returning the sentiments for my seventeenth birthday. ENJOY!

After a wonderful birthday came the dreaded realization that Kyle would be heading off to college. Fortunately he was attending a college that was only a forty minute drive. Still, the small town of Ellensburg seemed forever away.

How would this work? Obviously after saying, “I love you," we weren’t exactly in the mood to break up because he was starting his freshman year. I started bringing up my anxiety about the upcoming change in our relationship. He would always just smile and reassure me that everything would work out. We could talk on the phone every night and see each other on the weekends. Plus he wanted me to focus on school too. It would be perfect for us to really do well in our classes.

I smiled because I knew school would be a piece of cake for me. I excelled in school mainly because I was really good at following directions and rules. Teachers usually appreciated that which helped a great deal. But I worried about Kyle. He wasn’t exactly going to an Ivy League school which furthered my initial impression that while he was smart in general, he probably wasn’t as smart as me.

But college wasn’t the only upcoming change on the horizon. Kyle had mentioned about serving a mission after his first year of school and slowly he began to speak about it with more frequency.

One warm September night we decided to go for a walk around the neighborhood. We started talking about his mission and he explained some of the finer details. He would be gone for two years, could only write letters to me, could only call his family on Christmas and Mother’s Day and he didn’t even know where he was going. He didn’t even get to decide that! For a moment it was too much for my seventeen-year-old mind to handle. I became very somber and stopped walking. I sat down on the curb and studied the fallen pine needles that had gathered beneath my feet. They were dusty clay red and intertwined in every possible way. I picked on up and began to break small pieces off, bit by bit they snapped falling back to hard pavement.
“I’ll wait for you.”

The words came out of my mouth before I even realized what I had said. What did that even mean? All I knew was that this boy had changed me from the inside and I couldn’t let go to the magic that I felt when I was with him. I would be stupid if I did.

“Do you even know what that means?” He asked, “I can’t call you, I can’t see you, you can’t come visit me or anything. Two years is a long time.”

He made it sound hard but I had never met another guy remotely close to being as wonderful as him. I wasn't about to just let a wonderful future slip away.

School started for me soon after that and slowly our relationship took shape in the form of long distance. Kyle packed up his belongings and moved into the dorms with his best friend Mike. I was happy for him because I knew he would have a lot of fun, still I wished he was closer to me.

True to his word we talked every night. I often would wake up in the middle of the night with a hot phone pressed against my ear. We would fall asleep talking often at night. It was amazing we still had so many things to talk about. For being as similar as we are our minds work very differently and they often come to different conclusions. Plus with his religious background we always had something to talk or debate about.

Weekends were hit or miss. Since Kyle didn’t have a car, it was usually up to me if we wanted to see each other. Sometimes I would drive out to pick him up and bring him back. My parents would let him sleep on the couch in our home so I wouldn’t always have to drive him all the way out to his house. Sometimes his parent’s wouldn’t even know he had come back to town.

We watched movies and played games and he would charm all of my high school friends. I was the girl with a college boyfriend but it didn’t really seem like it. He was just Kyle to me.

See ya later 2011

2011-12-31T09:56:00.000-08:00

A haiku for 2011

You brought me a babe
through a rollercoaster year
I am one happy girl.

When I was younger I thought I had it made. I remember lying bed at night be so happy about having a warm home, food, and a wonderful mother. As I grew older I started to realize life can throw some pretty hard trials your way. I remember thinking life is all ebb and flow and that at some point there will be a massive ebb.

I still worry about this to be honest. I feel like I have been immensly blessed and that Heavenly Father is just prepping me for something really hard. It makes me nervous and gives me a bit of anxiety. But I am so grateful for where I am in life. That I am able to enjoy the moments I have now with my husband and baby. I smile at the end of the day again and realize I have it really good.

So I welcome 2012 with it's strict budget that doesn't let me eat out. Because you don't need food from a restaurant to make you happy.

To the Max

2011-12-31T09:29:00.000-08:00

Max pretty much makes my day everyday. He is an incredibly cheerful little guy.

Over the past week he has decided to start sitting up. He can hold his position for a good minute or so until he topples over to the side. Oh and he got a Sofie the giraffe from Great Grandma Maxwell and it pretty much is his absolute favorite. It just might replace his pacifier.

He is not asleep in this picture. He is just snuggling his momma. I absolutely love this. Nothing beats a baby hug and Max has plently to dole out for me. Kyle and I have both decided he is definitely a momma's boy. If he is playing with papa which he loves to do, and I enter the room. Game over Kyle. He just cries in my direction until I come get him. Unless Papa is letting him play the piano.

He LOVES music. Nothing makes him happier or calms him down more. He loves feeling the vibrations of the guitar strings, whacking the piano, or just listening to country with his mama. Yes, I love country music and so does Max.

He giggles and squawks a lot. Especially when you say, "Get that corn outa my face!" A phrase from the movie Nacho Libre which my little sister discovered sends him into an instasmile.

Advice to new mothers, use Berts Bees Baby Wash and Lotion. It is the bomb. I love the way Max smells after his bath. Like someone dipped him in honey. I will sit him on my lap and just sniff him until I get my fix.

Not the most attractive picture of me, but I loved this moment. It was the day after Christmas and we had had a pretty rough night (babies hate changes in night environments turns out and it will KILL their sleep schedule). I woke up and my MIL was taking care of him, of course when he saw me he wanted me and so we sat on the couch. For like an hour just chillin and talking with family. He just kept his body against mine and his hand on my leg to make sure I wasn't going anywhere.

Motherhood is a funny thing. I never know how to respond when people ask me how I like being a mother. Suddenly everything feels so cliche. But I love the little man who has taken over my heart. I thank God every night as we say family prayer for sending us such an angel who brings so much joy to not only us but our family and friends.

Twas a very merry christmas

2011-12-30T11:22:00.000-08:00

Christmas was a little bit twisty this year. I felt the grasp of three sets of parents. I tried to relax but it was hard when we were sleeping at my Dad's, spending time at my Mom's, and my MIL and SIL kept popping in to visit since it is always such a journey out to their home. I wished I had had more time with my mother but I relished in the comfort of relaxed nights laying in bed with my husband talking about the day.

I was nervous for Christmas day. We didn't figure out the schedule until Christmas Eve Eve after we argued in front of my mother and her boyfriend about how we were divying up our time. He wanted to go out to his parents more, I hated how trapped I felt thirty minutes from down out with the sagebrush and nothing to do but watch his father play online poker. But Christmas Eve we headed to Mass with my mother, a tradition I still cherish and I know my mother appreciates. I love how Christmas mass involves every single carol. My senses fly with the familiar scents and sounds of the old cathedral. When we returned home we reenacted the nativity. A new tradition initiated by my husband and I. It was funny to see my brothers get excited by finding strange and exotic ways to portray a wiseman. They came bearing a candle and laptop.

My husband, Max, and I played the role of the newly formed family. I donned a blue dress from the seventies my mother found at a thrift store that showed entirely too much cleavage for the virgin Mary. Thankful her shawl covered that fault. Christmas Eve was wonderful. The fire was lit and my mother and I rushed to finish sewing Max's stocking.

Christmas day was packed and we were blessed. I was grateful I hadn't given anyone a hint (except for my father who asked) and we received wonderful thoughtful gifts. I am glad my family truly knows me.

I am grateful for all this year has taught me, especially the ways in which I have grown closer to my Savior and Heavenly Father. I hope you all had a Merry Christmas.

Christmas this year

2011-12-12T08:28:00.000-08:00

(this is Max's new thing, he looks at whoever is holding him every so often. I think he was really bewildered by this person)

Our tree.

Christmas looks a bit different this year. I have a baby, a much tighter income, and my parents are divorced. Although I could grump around about how different could mean worse I have decided that that wouldn't do me any good. In fact this Christmas has allowed for more focus on what this season is really all about. Family, charity, and our Savior.

I won't say that I don't have a secret wishlist because I would be lying. There is a plethora of wants but in conjuction with my post about simplicity, I have found that my wants are just that, wants. I don't need a bunch of new clothes and I don't need fancy schmancy techno things (although a printer would be wonderfully practical). Instead I just want a haircut and to create traditions for Max. I want to see him surrounded by family who loves him. I want to eat Christmas ham and snuggle by the fire playing some games.

I am grateful for what this year has brought me. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who helps me see that a new perspective in life can bring out hidden blessings.

How I got here

2011-12-11T21:14:00.000-08:00

(Unrelated picture. But look at him staking claim to his momma)
I was speaking with Kyle the other day about being a convert. It is a subject that I reflect upon a lot. I feel incredibly lucky when I look back on my journey after joining the church. Having been a member for 5 years now, I have seen others come into the fold only to fall away. My heart aches when I think about those who for whatever reason are no longer enjoying the full blessings that come from being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Back to how incredibly lucky I was. I want to take the time to really point out what got me to the point I am at today: married in the temple to a worthy priesthood holder, a wonderful baby, family scripture study and prayer, gospel discussions, etc.

I had wonderful missionaries. I really lucked out to have two solid missionaries who really listened to the spirit and taught with such sincerity and faith. Not only did they teach me the first principles of the gospel, but they encouraged me to take family names to the temple which made it a very special experience making the temple a very special place for me.

Sister missionaries. Shortly after I was baptized the two elders who taught me were replaced with two sister missionaries. I was sad to see the elders I had grown attached to leave but not for long. It took a little while for me to be fully fellowshipped by my ward and I am so grateful that there were sister missionaries that I could go to lessons with and bear my testimony. It truly was a faith-building chapter of my life to go out everday with them. Plus one became a great friend and challenged me to bear my testimony at church for the first time ever.

Being called as a ward missionary as my first calling. This kinda goes with the sister missionaries, but being a ward missionary gave ample opportunity to continue to learn the basic lessons of the gospel and be very comfortable with them.

Being fellowshipped sincerely. I cannot stress enough how incredibly vital it is for converts to have a true friend. Not someone who begrudgingly feels like they should be their friend because no one else is...(trust me, people know when friendship is forced and it can be a real turn off). I am forever grateful for Mark Johnson who invited me to go get ice cream with some other people. It was an activity outside of church where some lifelong friends could really get to know me. Converts need friends and I was so lucky to score some great ones....even if I haven't always been the best friend to them.

Institute. I love this program in the church. I can attribute about 98% of my gospel knowledge to institute classes and I am not exaggerating. Institute offered a wealth of knowledge to a young girl who was eager to learn everything she possibly could and try to catch up with others her age to had 18+ years on her. I am forever grateful for Bro. White, Bro. Knowles and the senior missionaries who filtered through during my time at the Seattle Institute of Religion. It is a holy place for me there. It became my second home and I still feel a rush of peace whenever I walk through those doors. It is hallowed ground to me. A place where I learned so much and my testimony flourished.

Bro. White aka my mormon dad. I could go on and on about this man. He kept calling me Jaime the first time he met me but by the time I told him I was pregnant he nearly cried and told me he felt like it was his own grandchild. I came to him with all sorts of girl problems, gospel questions and basically anything a college girl could possibly think of. He taught me in the best possible way. He taught me that Heavenly Father always has an answer, it might not come when we want it or it might not be the answer we want but he has an answer. He taught me of the preciousness of the temple. He taught me what a real father/daughter relationship looks like. He listened, teased, and gave the best advice I will ever receive in my life. So much of what I know is because of long talks in his office.

Bro. Knowles. If there is ever a gospel related question that I can't figure out I always think, "Bro Knowles probably knows." This man and his family are such an example to Kyle and I. I am grateful that Bro Knowles always saw my potential and didn't treat me with the extreme gentleness sometimes bestowed upon converts. I didn't get special treatment and as much as I love special treatment I am grateful he was so forthright with me sometime. Teaching me that if you tell everyone you are fasting, that becomes your blessing. Also as comfortable as I felt at the institute it was not my home and I shouldn't stand on the couches barefoot.

A wonderful gospel principles teachers. Aimee Elber, I remember so many of your lessons. I remember how relaxing your class was and when it was time for me to "graduate" to gospel doctrine I found it so stiff and boring that I went back to her class (I actually think it was still just a little too far above my head still).

I could go on and on, but seriously I feel so blessed for the people, places, and experiences that I was given. I know now that Heavenly Father was looking out for me and I feel so blessed that there were those who were listening to the spirit and being guided in such a way as to impact my life in so many small ways that have added up to where I am now.

I just wanted to write about this because I feel so blessed. So blessed to be where I am today.

Let it snow

2011-12-09T09:31:00.000-08:00

Max's first snow was grand. It was wonderfully white and we stared out the window together amazing at the changed world all around. He got a kick out of the flurries, but not when we went for a walk and they hit his face.

Good thing we had his blanket. We just draped it over the stroller and he was in a little cocoon of warmth. Lucky kid.

First Foods

2011-12-08T15:53:00.000-08:00

At Max's 4 month appointment we recieved the green light to start solids. Max has been eyeing us as we eat and mimicking us chewing and I knew he just wanted to try it out. So we tried rice cereal.

It was received with little excitement. He didn't hate it, didn't love it. He seemed like he knew we were feeding him crap. He was wondering where is T-bone steak was.

For Thanksgiving Max got to try sweet potatoes. Not yams but actually sweet potatoes (apparently there really isn't much difference). He LOVED them. He smiled and batted his eyes at his wonderful family for giving him delicious tasting morsels.

Since then he has tried banana, carrot, sweet potato (yam style), and apple. It is safe to say he likes them all, especially banana. He doesn't get solids everday just when I feel like making it for him or taking the time and effort to help him learn how to move food to the back of his mouth.

Funcadia!

2011-12-07T09:06:00.000-08:00

Last year my aunt invited us up to the Suncadia resort between Seattle and Yakima and we had a wonderful time. She invited us again this year and it was even more fun than the last year. That might have to do with having a baby outside my belly and not feeling nauseous.

Sledding!

I love this pink hat. It is perfectly obnoxious.

Ambivalent about snow.

My little russian dictator. I think it's the hat...or the ice throne.

He wasn't crying, I promise.

Ice skating!

Striking a pose....trying to be as awkward as possible.

My little brother and sister.

Reliving my figure skating glory days...

I love this picture of my mom and Max.

We had a wonderful time in Suncadia.

Belated Gratitude

2011-12-05T21:20:00.000-08:00

Oh my. I want to say I have been ever so busy but that makes me feel full of myself because in reality I haven't been that busy, it is just that some things took priority over writing on here lately. But I did want to share our Thanksgiving holiday which was splendid!

Luckily Kyle's parents were able to come to my Mom's home for a wonderful turkey dinner. It involved all the basic requirements of Thanksgiving. My favorite requirement being my grandmother's texas jello. It is a wierd assortment of cherry jello, coca cola, pineapple, and cream cheese. Sooo delicious.

We had a pumpkin roll instead of pumpkin pie which I was fine with and plenty of sparkling cider. Oh how I love Thanksgiving.

To be honest I was a little nervous considering last year I wanted to vomit at the sight of the turkey (first trimester nausea) but all was well and I was able to load up my plate.

I am very thankful for my family, we have been through a lot this past year but I am so grateful that we have been able to find joy through it all.

Boogie Fever

2011-11-15T08:00:00.000-08:00

Tight Pants.

Wicked Moves.

White Penguin-tailed Tuxedo with Baby Blue Accents.
The Ruffles.

The Bowtie.

Maybe Max should have been John Travolta from Saturday Night Fever for Halloween?

* This suit is courtesy of Max's father. Kyle wore this to his baby blessing. I guess it was stylish in 1987....

Scenes from the weekend.

2011-11-14T13:44:00.000-08:00

Chewing on his fancy toy that used to belong to my little sis.

Lovin' on Uncle Robbie.

Oh the GLORY of 11/11/11 11:11am. I have been searching for this favorite coat of mine and thought it was lost in the shuffle of moving. Right after shouting/dancing/kissing to make 11:11am a momentous occasion I got the thought to check in my little sister's closet. Oh I was a happy girl. She didn't steal it, I had moved it in there to make room in another closet for our stuff and forgot that I had put it in a protective bag. But I found it and now winter can come.

Oh the joys of toothless gums.

We spent Veteran's Day weekend with family. Which I think is a great way to spend it, because that is a large part of what our Veteran's have protected. Thank you to all who have served, serve, or will serve.

Theatre

2011-11-11T10:10:00.001-08:00

I love me a good play. So when The Complete Works of Shakespeare Abridged was playing the same weekend we would be in yakima I knew we had to go.

If you ever have the opportunity to see this play, jump on it. It is two hours of nonstop slapstick comedy.

This was our last hoorah before we clamp the budget shut. It was a good way to spend the evening.

Thanks to my mom for babysitting.

simple

2011-11-10T10:38:00.000-08:00

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10? 20?

As a stay-at-home-mom I have a lot of reflection time, sometimes too much. I think a lot about the future. What life will be like when Kyle is done with school and where we will decide to settle or will we settle? Maybe we will wander, traveling the globe with our kids, exposining them to all the world has to offer...

I think about how my home will look and what we will do as a family each night (board games.)

Then I started thinking about how I will think. Mind boggling I know.

How do I want to view my world?

It's so easy to get caught up in the material things we want out of life. We are a visual people and usually the easiest target in visuals are material possessions. But I want to change how I view my life, I want to change the focus from possessions to feelings.

The conclusion I came to with how I want my life to feel when I am older.

Simple.

I want a simple life. I don't want to get caught up in to-do lists and the latest fashion trends. Yes, I want to look and feel beautiful but I want to do it simply. I want my memories to be filled not with exotic trips to Costa Rica or lavish parties but with moments of my family laughing. I want so many laughter filled moments that they blur together in my mind and I can't separate them. I don't want to care about fancy things. I want to enjoy the world God created and relish in the simplicity of a summer hike. A winter hike too for that matter!

I want to enjoy the meals that I make and not get upset over mistakes or strive to use exotic ingredients.

I want to expand my worldview but I want to do it in a way that overcomes the materialism that too easily comes with life.

How did I get to this conclusion?

Well it started with looking at our budget in life currently and at first being devastatingly sad about. The reality is that we cannot afford a caramel apple spice from starbucks, even if I feel like I deserve it. The reality is that even shopping at Goodwill is too expensive. Then I had the thought. Why do I have to be sad about having a strict budget?

I don't.

If there is one thing my women studies minor taught me is that we have a right to claim how we feel and to divert from the norm of how society says we should feel.

Society tells me I should be awfully sad about having such a strict budget and that I should just find ways around it, to cheat the system and go into a little debt.

Well to the norm I say:

"TOO BAD!"

I'm going to live simply and I am going to learn to love it (besides I've never really been normal anyways)

How to be a very cute baby

2011-11-09T10:31:00.000-08:00

1. Love getting changed 2. Request milk about every two hours

3. Spaz out into a star as much as possible

4. Drool. A lot.

5. Make it your main goal each and every day to attempt to fit your hand in your mouth. The more you do this, the better you will get. Also make sure to salivate all over your hand for optimum results. Then try to grab your mother's face, she will love that slobbery hand.

It is also important to kick off your socks a lot, spit up all over your parent's clothes, and screech like a bird.

Papa

2011-11-08T10:27:00.001-08:00

Kyle goes by papa in our home. I don't know how it happened but I just started calling him that. He goes by dad sometimes, but it's mostly papa here.

I looove the relationship they have. At the end of the day max only wants papa. He will be crying and fussing and as soon as I pass him over max will be smiling and cooing.

It makes me very happy.

November Sniffles

2011-11-07T10:35:00.000-08:00

It seems with cold weather comes stuffy noses and head colds. I haven't been hit yet but poor baby Max has.

It seriously affects my ability to sleep at night since Max is constantly coughing and waking up because he can't breath out of his nose. Poor bubba.

So I'm doing what I like to do when I have a stuffy nose. Take a warm shower, turn on the heat and be extremely lazy promoting as much healing sleep as possible. Of course I always enjoy soup but Max is on a strict diet of breastmilk. I don't think he minds though.

Hopefully this cold will pass soon. In the meantime I will continue singing silly songs about being a monkey at the zoo (unscripted).

May the force be with you this Halloween.

2011-10-31T16:07:00.000-07:00

When I saw this yoda costume on sale at Walgreens I knew our fate was set for a very nerdy Halloween. Plus it gave us an excuse to watch some Star Wars movies.

We pimped out our son to win a prize at the Church Halloween party. We got froyo money! Mama was very happy.

"Ready are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years have I trained Jedi. My own counsel will I keep on who is to be trained! A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away… to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless!"
―Yoda

Monday's to-do list.

2011-10-24T13:29:00.001-07:00

I woke up today and had the urge to make a collective to-do list of all the thoughts floating in my head.

It was a big list. Thankfully the sun was shining and it gave me the energy to barrel into the list full force!

Laundry, meal plan, grocery shopping and all with the beautiful blue sky saying "I AM FALL!!" (said like that sparticus dude)

And I would like to send a jealous shoutout to my uncle patrick who is leaving for a holy land tour tonight. I hope he stays safe and buys some cute Israeli baby clothes for max (hint hint)

5 years and still learning...

2011-10-20T07:48:00.000-07:00

At the end of this month I will have been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for 5 years.

It seems like such a short amount of time for all the growth that I have felt in my life. But still I feel like I have so much further to go.

I was thinking this week about the scriptures and about how I am continually struggling to grasp their many stories. I grew up with a general knowledge of Adam and Eve and Noah and some of the Savior's parables but that was as far as my knowledge went. I certainly didn't comprehend the stories for the lessons within.

Over the past five years I have gained access to more and more scripture stories and have gained the ability to actually study them versus just reading them. But I want to KNOW them. I want Max to ask me about Ruth or Captain Moroni and I want to be able to tell him all about God's servants and the examples they set.

So long story short I have decided to start now. Every day I have been choosing a story from the scriptures to tell to Max. He sits on my lap with those gorgeous navy eyes looking up at me and I tell him as much as I can about Noah and Nephi and Queen Esther.

There is always so much learning to take place and I am grateful that my Heavenly Father has placed in me a desire to learn and expand my knowledge. Not just for the sake of knowing but for the sake of understanding.

Striped Baby Boy

2011-10-19T12:58:00.000-07:00

They say dressing a baby boy isn't much fun. Well they are probably right but I can't help but throw every striped thing I can find on him. What is it about stripes on baby boys?

Ignore the cleavage going on...he is getting really good at pulling on his own shirt. Mix that with drool and it gets pretty stretched out during the day.

Our weeks have been revolving around Papa's schedule which is fine with us. We are excited for this coming weekend, or at least I am because we are going to a Pumpkin Patch!

How does this happen?

2011-10-12T07:03:00.000-07:00

Where did my itty bitty baby go?

He used to sleep for all but 4 hours during the day. Now its all smiles and gnawing on his knuckles.

He used to fall asleep on my chest and now he dozes on Daddy's.

Yesterday at church we saw a four week old baby and my goodness she was tiny. To be fair she was as big as Max when he was born so she was definitely extra small but seriously it started to hit me how stinkin' big they get so fast.

I love my little man. I love his smiles and the fact that he can now accidentally roll from his stomach to his back. I love that he laughs at fart jokes and goes all bug-eyed when we make wierd noises to entertain ourselves...I mean entertain him.

Feeling like a grown up

2011-10-11T14:03:00.000-07:00

I wore this to church a couple of weeks ago and felt like a grown-up. Especially when I was holding Max.

I literally stared at myself in the mirror for the longest time. I physically felt a transition in my life.

It was wierd.

Growing up is kind of a funny thing. Sometimes you notice the changes, sometimes you don't, and sometimes you have to push them out after carrying them for 9 months.

Last Weekend

2011-10-10T09:41:00.000-07:00

Not this past weekend but the one before that we watched General Conference. For those of you who don't know what it is, it is a worldwide broadcast from Salt Lake City where the inspired leaders of our church talk about issues facing us today. They aren't given topics or anything, it is purely based on prayer but it is always one of my favorite weekends of the fall. In fact this past conference marked the 5th year I have heard a prophets voice. The fifth year that I was able to hear inspired messages that have helped me guide and direct my life so that I may have peace and joy.

There are a number of ways to watch conference (on BYUtv channel, online, live, or at a local stake center). We don't have internet (collective gasp!but how are you posting? my phone can be a hotspot when needed, but isn't fast enough to stream video) and we don't live in Utah and we don't have a television either (I know we are like neanderthals or something). Saturday morning some friends from school invited us to come over and watch it on their laptop with them (so nice of them to do so btw) but they weren't going to able to watch the Saturday afternoon session so we headed over to the stake center. We also watched Sunday's sessions there as well.

The main difference between watching it at home and at the stake center.

Dressing up.

Doesn't Max look so dapper in his white oxford onesie?

It's kinda nice to dress up for conference. I think it adds something to the experience. Although don't get me wrong I love listening to it in my PJs too.

All of the messages were beautiful and inspiring and reminded me how thankful I am to have the gospel in my life today.

Sunday looked like this.

I LOVE when Kyle plays for Max. It happens a lot since Max is totally and completely captivated every time. Sometimes he kicks along and sometimes he is completely still just watching Dad's hands finger and strum the guitar. I was very excited to capture this special moment. Even though it happens quite often now.

mornings

2011-10-03T14:55:00.000-07:00

I like mornings. I love when the sun streams into your bedroom window and wakes you up.

Growing up, my room always welcomed the bright sun in the mornings. It would glow with the opportunity of a new day and sometimes I would just lay in bed for a few more minutes soaking up the warmth of my covers.

These mornings look a little bit different but I am abosolutely loving them. Max is a great night sleeper. He goes down around 8pm wakes up for a quick 4am feeding (in which I am usually half alseep or have some nice quiet reflection time) and then he wakes up at 6am when Papa gets up.

At 6am I pull him into bed with me since the threat of Kyle's rolling in his sleep is no longer a danger. I feed him there and then he falls back asleep for another hour. I sleep too.

Then he wakes up all cheerful and happy and he will lay there an coo while I read some morning blogs on my phone. Oh how I love mornings with him. We talk and play and I let him have some tummy time. I compliment him and call him nicknames like "Guapo," "Bubba," and "Little Man."

It's funny because a baby totally changes things. But all the changes are infinitely better.

Love Story Part 14

2011-09-28T07:10:00.000-07:00

It took a couple of weeks but slowly I stopped calling Mongoose, Mongoose and he stopped calling me Gidget. It was much easier to introduce him as Kyle and avoid having to explain why I referred to my boyfriend as a rodent.

My birthday was coming up. I would be turning 17. I always hated my birthday because no one was ever around to celebrate it. It falls at the end of August and everyone is always taking their last vacation of the summer before school starts. I try to avoid creating expectations for the night but it was always hard not to hope for the birthday of your dreams. I never knew exactly what that was though.

Thankfully Kyle would be in town. Unfortunately my mother had planned my birthday dinner on my birthday, so Kyle and I would be celebrating the night before.

He told me to get dressed up and that he would be picking me up around 5pm to take me to dinner. I wore my denim skirt and a nice shirt and put on a little more make-up than usual. I waited for him, excited to see what he had gotten me. He showed up looking extremely handsome in a blue and yellow plaid button down shirt and slacks. He had been growing his hair out since I had asked him too and the bleach blonde boy was really starting to look like a surfer. His smile stood out the most though. He was so genuinely happy and it made me happy just to be around him.

He pulled a small wrapped gift and a small yellow sunflower from behind his back. He always brought me a small sunflower when he came because they grew on the side of his road. He handed me both gifts and I squealed with excitement.

“Can I open it now?” I asked.

“If you want.” He smiled reassuringly, definitely giving me the go to open away.
I sat down on the couch and slowly began to unwrap his gift.

It was a picture of the two of us that had been taken on my camera at the last camp dance of the summer. It was the counselor’s “formal” dance, basically an excuse for us female counselors to use our homecoming and prom dresses again. In the picture I am wearing a red strapless gown with camp bracelets and my hair curly like usual. Kyle is wearing a blue dress shirt with a yellow tie. He has his arm around me and we both have huge smiles on our faces.

The picture was matted on some scrapbook paper with stickered words like “magic,” “together,” and “first moment” all around. It was perfect. I turned the frame over not thinking really and saw huge letters spelling out “Gina and Kyle” and a small sticker that said, “I love you.” My heart fluttered and I looked up to see Kyle smiling at me. I smiled at him and thanked him nervously for the perfect gift. I was a master at avoidance.

“Where are we going to dinner?” It was too early in the day and too bright to be talking about love already so I brought up a new subject.

“Olive Garden.” He smiled. Yakima doesn’t have much variety as far as food goes and Kyle wasn’t made of money. I was happy with the selection. I loved their breadsticks and salad.

We went to dinner and had a wonderful time. Kyle even let me order some cheesecake for dessert. We laughed and talked over dinner and I realized that this was the first time I had ever been one-on-one with a boy at a restaurant. I had done group dates for dances and Kyle had been to some meals with my family, but this was the first time I had been on my own. I loved it. There were no awkward pauses or uneasy moments. We twisted noodles onto forks while chatting about college and childhood memories.

Kyle had plans for after dinner but wouldn’t tell me what they were. Instead he drove to a park near my home where you can sit on these terraces and see the huge sky before you. He parked and opened the trunk pulling out his guitar. I smiled and blushed astonished that this was actually MY life.

“Sit.” He prompted me to kneel on the grass and he sat down making the guitar comfortable in his arms.

“I have a song for you,” He spread out a few pieces of yellow lined paper. On it was his small quick script.

He strummed the guitar and started singing an original song he had written, just for me.

It was about freezing time. How we always said that we wish we could invent a time machine and just stay in this summer forever, that we could always feel the excitement of learning about each other and falling in love.

There was that word again. That word made my whole body tremble. It made my palms sweaty and my my heart beat fast. I think it’s your body’s fight or flight response kicking in. Do you face love head on knowing that you might get broken or do you run away avoiding any pain that may come?

He kept singing and smiling that knowing smile. He knew me so well. He knew that he was going to have to ease me into the idea of love just like I ease into a hot tub. Dipping my feet in first, acclimating to the burning temperature until I can slowly submerge my body until what was at first scorching is actually relaxing.

The sun set after the song and we just talked enjoying our time together. Then it was time to take me home. I still wanted to watch a movie and so he stayed claiming that I could have whatever I wanted for my birthday. After the movie he said he needed to go home. Home? I didn’t want him to go home yet. I wanted him to stay until it was actually my birthday. I wanted him to give me a kiss right when the clock struck twelve. He claimed he was tired but he let me drag out minutes of kissing into an hour. He let me drag out seconds of pleading him to stay into even more minutes until we were sitting in his Kia at 11:50pm. He had finally resigned to stay until midnight. But he was leaving as soon as he could after that because it was late and he was very very tired.

We kissed. It was 11:55pm.
We talked. It was 11:57pm.
We sat gazing at the stars in the sky. It was 11:58pm
We kissed some more. It was 11:59.

Then he stared at me and I stared at him. I started rambling about how I was going to get a kiss on the first minute of my actual birthday.

12:00am. He kisses me and pulls away resting his forehead against mine.

“I love you.” He quietly states.

“I love you too.” The words slip out of my mouth like I had been saying them my whole life.

Then we kissed again and my whole body was electrified with the excitement of a first love.

He stayed a few more minutes where we discussed how long we had both been wanting to say “I love you” and how I had decided he would have to say it first and how he knew that I wanted him to say it first and how he was waiting for the perfect moment and realized my birthday would be perfect.

And I realized my birthday had turned out exactly how I wanted it.

Love Story Part 13

2011-09-27T09:04:00.000-07:00

“Oh…Hey…Your mom wanted me to look for you. I saw your pile of clothes by the dock and didn’t know where you had gone….” He started rambling like he tends to do. Most people would think he might be in a state of perpetual discomfort but that is just my dad.

“Well it’s getting late so you should probably head up to the house soon…” He finished.

We were already out of the pool and getting ready to hop the fence to get back to the other side.

“Hey….how did you get in there anyway?” My dad was now extremely intrigued with our situation which I think made Mongoose more uncomfortable but I knew that we weren’t in trouble or anything.

My dad wasn’t the bad cop type. He wasn’t the good cop type either. He was more of the non-existent cop. He worked so much when I grew up that we never developed any sort of relationship beyond, “Dad will you buy me that sweater?” “Yes.” He didn’t care one bit that Mongoose and I had snuck into the community pool. He just smirked as we explained that we hopped the fence, giving us a nod of approval for seemingly “living on the edge.” My dad was a 20-year-old frat boy trapped in a 45-year-old lawyer’s body.

After he left we headed back toward our clothes and up to the cabin. Mongoose slept on the floor while I slept on the fold out couch next to my younger sister and brother.

The next day Smalls and Kennedy showed up and Mongoose and I were grateful for the freedom of Smalls’ car. We drove around town getting soft-serve ice cream and enjoying the sunshine. It was a lazy few days where the blinding summer sun blots every picture and memory. The stickiness of skin and the shock of lake water were added to that small trip to Chelan.

Once Chelan was over we started to feel the absence of summer camp in our lives. There were only a few weeks until Mongoose started college and the threat of separation forced Mongoose and I to spend as much time together as possible.
Mostly I remember those summer nights. Mongoose would almost always come to my house in Yakima since he lived farther out of town and there was nothing to do amongst the tumbleweeds. After eating dinner and playing badminton in the backyard or watching a movie Mongoose and I would head to the front yard after the sun had gone down. We would sit on the grass and talk. Oh how we loved to talk.

Eventually grass would get pulled from the ground and shoved down shirts or messed into one another’s hair. We dubbed them the “grass wars” and we would wrestle trying to avoid the itch of green blades that would torment our skin. Of course there was kissing. There was always kissing. There was also star gazing and quiet moments where I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

It was during those nights spent on my front lawn that I realized I loved him. I remember kissing him and thinking in my heart, not my head, but my heart that I loved this boy. I loved this boy who listened to my rambling opinions and who thought that my enthusiasm was charming. I loved this boy who would bare his own soul to me unafraid of any sort of “manliness” that could be lost. I loved this boy who made my my skin prickle and my heart jump just when he looked at me. I could tell he loved me too. It was the way he held my hand and when he would write silly poems or sing songs for me even though he couldn’t really carry a tune.

But how do you tell someone you love them? I hardly even said “I love you,” to my family. They can be scary words but I was sure that I wanted to share them with him. But fear won out and I decided I would wait until he said it first. I just wasn’t brave enough.

the beginning of fall...

2011-09-21T12:07:00.000-07:00

I love fall. I really really love it. I walked to school as a kid and I think that's where my love for fall grew. I loved school so the dropping summer temps and the crispness of the air coincided with my early morning walks where I would wear my fashionable jean hat with a bright fuschia flower. Oh the nineties were cruel to us.

We live by an awesome park here in Spokane and on Monday we took a little family walk to enjoy the scenery.

This is my favorite street in Spokane. If we end up living here for life I told Kyle that I MUST live on this street.

It's the tree-lined American dream.

I broke out my moccasins for the walk. I got these a couple of years ago and apparently these shoes are very "in" currently. Works for me.

Max is doing wonderfully. He is sleeping and eating well. Every morning I feed him in bed and then we snuggle. I love how the morning light comes in our room and wakes me up naturally. It makes for great natural lighting too.

I call him Bubba.

This is Max's bouncer which we have recently named "toilet." You see I have already potty trained my baby. This is the only place that he will poop. Sure every now and then he poops outside of this bouncer but recently this is it. It makes me laugh but he loves this bouncer. Thanks Ducky for buying it for us!

Ignore the stack of unhung frames behind him.

Spokane is treating us wonderfully. We live within walking distance to two grocery stores, a major park, a track for me to run on, and so much more. Unfortunately Target is forever away....maybe I should rewrite that as fortunately.

Did you hear about the Missoni craziness at Target? Apparently people were buying like $5000 dollars worth of all the shoes and blankets and are now selling them on Ebay. Seriously? I don't even like it. Maybe some of the homeware would work but seriously a Missoni capelet? Ew.

Running for my life

2011-09-17T15:03:00.001-07:00

Every other morning looks like this.

I am surprised by my diligence. I am doind the c25k (couch to 5k) program although its slightly altered by the hubs because he thinks I am a little more active than the average couch potato. It is an awesome way to build endurance into running. I am actually starting to enjoy it. Gasp.

I also do zumba, a circuit, or a jillian michaels video.

It feels good to exercise.

Baby Blessing

2011-09-16T15:35:00.000-07:00

Labor Day weekend we were able to bless Baby Max. Much to the dismay of my younger sisters I did not use Kyle's baby blessing suit (white and teal penguin tuxedo... I am not kidding...and yes I will put Max in them eventually and have a photo shoot and a good good laugh). Instead I found the cutest little outfit in another city for him.

The blessing was held in my husband's home ward, which I also consider my home ward since I don't really have one being a convert and all... I visited it on holiday breaks and summer vacation and sat with Kyle's parents while he was on the mission and got to know the people in the ward anyway. They were always so nice to me and I couldn't imagine doing Max's blessing anywhere else since we were in Yakima anways.

Kyle gave the blessing and it was perfect. Simple and spiritual, emphasizing the great blessings Max could receive if he stays true to the gospel. No promises for an attractive wife though... (seriously heard that once at a baby blessing, for twins. Only one twin go the attractive spouse blessing. The other one just got a blessing of marriage)

My whole family, except for one brother was there (He's a doctor and had to work). It was great to see them there and I was grateful for their support and love, especially since my family is a little....disheveled lately. They came together for Max and I love them for it.

Since it was fast and testimony I took the opportunity to bear my testimony in front of them. It was a good day.

Everyone... minus JP...plus my sister's friend Cloey.

The Baby himself.

This is my all-time favorite picture. It is soooo......us.

Boats, Moving, and Mustaches

2011-09-06T17:10:00.000-07:00

Well things have been pretty crazy round here but I figured I ought to get some awesome pictures of Max up to brighten everyone's day.

Max is now 7 weeks old. Wow. It feels like he has been a part of my life since...forever. In reality he probably was up there in heaven watching my life waiting for his time to come down and make such a huge impact.

I made a decision pretty soon after Max was born that I wanted to avoid feeling trapped as a mother. I think this mentality is purely conceived within our mind but it takes some power to push oneself out the door with an infant to try to resume life as usual. Life will never be usual that's for sure, but I think this mentality of trying to get out the door at least for 10 minutes a day is a saving grace. It forces me to get showered and dressed and I get to talk to adults instead of just coo at a baby.

So a couple of weeks ago my family went inner tubing. Max was like 3 weeks old and so it was assumed that I wouldn't go. I was so sad when they came back talking about the fun they had had. Luckily Kyle had to work so he didn't go, if he had I would have probably cried. But the next opportunity that arose to go inner tubing I let my family know that Max and I would be along for the ride for sure.

Max wore a lifejacket the whole time, except for when I nursed him. It was an awesome experience and made me realize how relaxed of a mother I am.

The next week we moved all of our stuff to Spokane. This was Max's first long car ride (only had to stop once to nurse) and it also became his first time at a restaurant. He is such a chill baby, except for when he wants the boob juice. But that's super easy to remedy.

Eating at a super nummy pizzeria in Spokane.

His new favorite stuffed animal "Snorf" made by my cousin.

So I just turned 23. I could feel this birthday would be a dud from a mile away. Maybe it was just my attitude going into the day but it seems like everything went all wonky. Kyle had to work his latest night ever (got home at around 8:30pm) so I couldn't go to my Zumba class or go out to get dessert and see a movie either (my mom was going to watch Max). The day definitely ended on a high note though. We were all watching something on tv when my little sister starting playing with a fake mustache. Then we decided that the mustache must go on baby Max. We were in tears laughing. It made the day of my birthday end on a high note.

That picture needs the caption "FIRE THE MISSILES!" He looks like a little dictator.

Don't worry I got a birthday redo the day after my birthday. Kyle had to day off and I got to spend the day reading a book, going to a movie by myself (it is one of my favorite things to do in all seriousness), and having a birthday dinner with my family full of laughter, three cakes, and root beer sodas.

I love me a good root beer soda.

Love Story Part 12

2011-09-03T14:26:00.000-07:00

In the blink of an eye the summer was over. What did that mean for Mongoose and I? Throughout the camp season I learned that he was going to be a freshman at Central Washington University, a small college 40 minutes outside of my hometown. In the beginning, we had assumed that our relationship would fizzle out by the end of the summer. But we were more attached than ever and I was scared for what was ahead. Forty minutes seemed so long and I was just going to be a senior in high school.

Would he even want a girlfriend starting off in college?

The subject was in the back of my mind and we just enjoyed whatever time we still had together.

Right after camp ended, we jetted off to Lake Chelan. My family had rented a cabin there for the week and my mom suggested I invite Mongoose and some other friends.

“There are plenty of beds and we can always set up the tent!” She suggested with that peppy voice.

So Mongoose and I caught a ride with my uncle and Smalls and our camp friend Kennedy joined us two days later.

As we pulled into the driveway, we passed a community pool. Mongoose and I looked at each other knowingly. Over the summer, we had made it a goal to kiss everywhere possible. It became a game to find interesting and fun places to kiss. Even though camp had a pool, the counselors were never without kids in it. We knew we had to kiss in that pool, it would just have to be the right timing to do so.

After dinner we walked out to the dock to talk and watch the sunset. The water rippled beneath our feet and I played with a broken splinter of wood as we discussed everything and anything you can imagine. There was this ease that came from the stillness of the lake, an ease that washed over my usually racing mind. There was no pressure or hidden agenda to our conversation. No expectations for answers, we talked openly and honestly. We discussed our individual goals and ideas for the future. He mentioned wanting to do something medically related, due to his nerdy love of the sciences. I hadn’t noticed this love quite yet as I still considered him to be just a good-looking, incredibly kind jock. He talked about how he wanted to get married in the temple, a sacred place where he could be sealed to his wife and children for time and all eternity. This thought was new to me.

Eternity? I inquired a little more about his ideas of marriage. What he wanted in a wife and in a mother for his kids. His answer was a little on the side of female house slave but after I pointed that out he seemed to delve a little deeper. In actuality he wanted someone to make him laugh. Someone he could talk to and share ideas. I liked this version a lot better. My inner feminist had raised a red flag at his first response but he salvaged himself when he described his relationship with his future wife.

That idea of eternity still got to me, and what did he mean by sealed? He explained that the person that he marries will have to be someone he wants to be with forever; someone who he will be bound to not just till death but beyond that, in heaven. It was a new concept to me. I had never realized that the vows said in civil marriage end that relationship at death. The idea saddened me and I came to the discovery that I wanted an eternal marriage, one that lasted forever.

It was a daunting thought that made spouse selection into an even more difficult choice. Not that I was thinking marriage already. Ok maybe I was a little.

I was a sixteen-year old girl, remember?

The sun set as we started in on our future together. The conversation went on and on and on. I didn’t want it to stop. Soon though our words turned into kisses as the moon grew in the sky. I remember thinking that life could not get any more perfect. I was with the most wonderful guy. He made me laugh, he was handsome, and he listened to what I had to say. Plus he respected me, even with his ideal of marrying a perfect housewife. He couldn’t be perfect right?

With no one watching us and our joints stiff from sitting on the hard wooden dock we looked to the pool. It was closed unfortunately but Mongoose had a mischievous look in his eye.

“Let’s jump the fence.” He declared.

I wasn’t so sure. I was a stickler for following rules and this would definitely be breaking some.

“It closed at ten though; I really don’t think we should.” I suggested we head on back to the house.

“No. I just have to kiss you underwater. Come on, no one is out right now and no one is watching the pool. It’s not like it has a guard.”

I thought about it as he pulled me closer and closer toward the fence. We were wearing our bathing suits already…. So we stripped off the rest of our clothes by the dock and made a plan for how to actually jump the fence.

He easily got over and helped me as well. We slid into the pool and he immediately drug me underwater for that kiss he so badly needed. After a couple of minutes of kissing and playing in the abandoned pool , we heard a noise.

“Gina?....”

It was my dad.

the in between

2011-08-26T09:38:00.000-07:00

Life is very in between lately, hence a lack of writing on the internet.

Last week we picked up a budget truck and moved all of our stuff from the garage to spokane. We came back to realize we had not thoroughly thought out our plan of moving our stuff before we moved ourselves. We have no bed. The first week we slept on a mattress topper on the floor. When the back pain was realized we moved into my Mother's RV in the driveway. Yes. I live in an RV currently. Ok so really we just sleep there but still.

I miss my bed. And my clothes. I pack a few shirts and the one pair of pants that fit me. I want more options now...

I am almost 23. My birthday is on Tuesday and it already feels different this year. I feel like my parents have less claim on me than usual. Is it motherhood? Their divorce? Who knows but I trying to keep myself away from expectations this year. I just dont know how the day will pan out so I am deciding to be grateful for whatever happens.

It's almost fall. Can you believe it? Summer in Yakima is firing its last shots of heat trying to stay alive but the calender tells me that soon I will be crunching leaves beneath my feet.

My body feels ever so in between lately. It's a bit frusterating. Remember all those clothes in Spokane? None of my pants fit. It upsets me a bit and I am trying to remember that it takes time to make a baby so surely it takes time to recover, but why do those super models have to flaunt that they are the exception to the rule? Making the rest of us feel like we got bad genes..... I am trying to figure out what my body is planning on doing right now, and prepping for the realization that I might actually have to consistently exercise. Oy.

Baby Max is doing wonderfully by the way. He is Mr.Smiles lately and I love watching Kyle play with him. It's quite sweet.

Well that is an update to how my life feels and I am just waiting for when I can settle a bit and establish a small routine.

In a flash.

2011-08-10T22:15:00.000-07:00

Motherhood comes like a lightning bolt. It zaps you in a moment as you meet your little one for the first time, electrifying your very core with a new sensation.
When friends and family come over to visit Max they always ask how it is, being a mother now. I always stutter out a few words trying to find the right ones that could possible explain the way my life has changed without sounding cliché. I feel like I end up sounding a bit strange and dazed but maybe that’s exactly what my life feels like.

It is strange becoming a mother because as gradual as pregnancy is, when your baby lands in your arms it shocks you. You think to yourself, “why did no one prepare me for this wonderful feeling?” and then you realize as you try to describe it to others that it’s nearly impossible without others looking at you like you’ve ingested a few too many rainbows…

You are a bit dazed because everything is so exciting and new and boy they weren’t lying about that sleep were they? You’re mind feels a little bit groggier but when you actively take part in beholding the wonder of your very own creation that fog diminishes completely and you are filled with the most brilliant light. Your heart swells and by golly you just want to go out and give everyone a baby and then maybe we could have world peace. Everyone would be too busy sniffing their new baby and laughing at the bodily functions of their very own little one and they would forget they were mad at so and so and that they were going to launch that missile….

So I have decided when they ask me about how it feels to be a mother, I will tell them it feels like lightning. I’m utterly electrified.

Remember me?

2011-08-06T11:30:00.000-07:00

Hey there. It's been awhile and I kept thinking every day that I needed to jot down a post and confess my love of motherhood (a very real love I assure you) but I wanted it to be genuine and the words just weren't coming to me. So I waited for inspiration to strike. Or a time when Max was napping long enough for me to think through my thoughts.

Unfortunately that time has yet to arrive because when Max sleeps I sleep. Or try. Like right now I should be sleeping but I had some photos I wanted to share.

What is it about new mothers wanted to post a bajillion photos of their new baby? I think Shakespeare described it best in his sonnets...basically we are narcissists and want to look at the mini versions of ourselves we have created. That and he is just too stinkin' cute and I know you all love to look at pictures of cute babies.

So pictures commence:

I love those pics of Max and Kyle. It cracks me up that they have similar expressions in each picture. I thought Max looked like me when he was born but Kyle's mom showed me a newborn picture of Kyle and the two are identical, like I thought it was a picture of Max.

I am happy to report Max is gaining weight like a champ. On thursday he weighed in at 9lb 6oz. Apparently I am feeding him buttermilk. He likes it I guess...

There he calls....wants some more of that buttermilk...

Love List

2011-07-24T18:07:00.000-07:00

This has been a magical week. I am loving being a mom and all that comes with it. Here are some specific things I am loving.

Ok I had to start off with this pic. It cracks me up.

1. Feeling productive. After too many months of just gestating and trying to fill in my time I now find that the simple ritual of feed/change/nap extremely productive and rewarding. Especially since M is rocking the baby charts.

2. HGTV. I loved HGTV before but lately it has been a lifesaver during those midnight feedings.

3. Breastfeeding. I won't get too specific here but I feel so blessed that it has come so naturally, even if I had to change today because of leakage issues....

4.Everything about Baby M. His smiles, his squirms, his smell. Oh goodness, I had heard about the smell of your own baby but seriously I cannot get enough of it. I just sniff him all day long.

5. My hubby. One night M was having some trouble getting back to sleep (aka he needed to burp) and I stood there patting his back and rocking him trying to lull him into sweet dreams. The hubby got out of bed and rocked with us while giving me a massage. I wanted to cry. I feel so lucky to have such a stud of a husband and father for my child. To see the way he looks at M makes me super happy.

I feel so greatful for such a content little guy. He is already switching to a night schedule and it makes me happy. He has brought so much joy to my life already I can't wait for the future.

The Best Day of My Life

2011-07-21T15:53:00.000-07:00

*Disclaimer: this is a birth story *

Friday I met with my doctor, Doctor Rowles, for my 40 week check-up. I was one day past my due date and I was baby would have already come. Dr. Rowles checked me, and I hadn’t progressed any further than the previous week. He also did an ultrasound on baby’s head to make sure his head wasn’t so ginormous that it couldn’t fit through the birth canal. Average size, all good. He then preceded to jinx the weekend by telling me not to have baby this weekend because he would be in Lake Chelan running a triathlon and then one part of a relay thing, seriously I am not kidding. I had a feeling though that baby wanted to come soon. Turns out I was right.

Saturday I decided to take my little sis to see Harry Potter. Ok really I just wanted to make sure I could see Harry Potter before going to the movies got more difficult. So I bought the tickets online and then went to the bathroom. In the bathroom it was clear I had lost my mucus plug. I was pretty excited but losing your plug doesn’t mean labor is coming at a specific time, just soonish.

During the movie I started having some contractions. Harry Potter must have put a spell on me or something. The contractions were about every 15 minutes or so and were lasting about 30 seconds. So it was definitely durable, though uncomfortable. They continued to progress during the day and I called Kyle to let him know things were moving. I was starting to get a little freaked out since my doctor was out of town but I prayed that it was just Saturday he was gone and not Sunday as well.

Fast forward…

It’s night and my contractions are painful, lasting about a minute and coming every 4-5 minutes. This means it is time for the hospital. I already knew that I was having back labor because I could feel baby kicking me in the front. Back labor is no bueno. It hurts a whole lot, but I was enduring.

We called the doctor and found Dr. Rowles was still out of town. So was Dr. Harrington who was supposed to be covering for him. So were six other doctors. I was a little upset at this point because now I had no idea who I was going to get, but I focused on the task at hand, making it through the next contraction. After waiting half an hour for the nurse to call back about what doctor was available and if we could go to the hospital we finally left around midnight.

We got the hospital, they set me up in an “outpatient” room, because they thought they were going to send me home. No way suckas! I was dilated to a 4 and baby wanted to come. So they let me have a regular room and the nurses asked me all sorts of questions about my health and such. They tried putting the IV in my arm and on the third try they were successful. I now have some pretty bruises because of their lame attempts. But they were nice nurses.

I walked around the hallway, threw up after some ill advice from my mother to take deeper breaths. Once I took those deeper breathes my stomach became a not and then I was on all fours in the hospital hallway (thank goodness this was at night) throwing up into a trash can. We decided walking wasn’t really my favorite and I wanted to try out the Jacuzzi. The Jacuzzi was nice but back labor was still killing me. Kyle and my mother were both with me and so they took turns napping during the evening and helping me out. I am very grateful for them.

The contractions were getting worse and I continued to dilate and yet I had not met the doctor who would be delivering yet. This was really starting to irk me. His name was Dr. Maganito and I just wanted to meet the guy before he helped me through the hardest thing I would ever experience. I waited and waited, bearing through the pain. Eventually two of my new favorite people in the world came into the room, Dr. Anna (I wish I could remember her last name) who was a resident to Dr. Rowles and Dr. Danny (again I cannot for the life of me remember their last names…) who was a third year med student. They would prove to be angels sent from God.

oh the joys of labor...

Anna and Danny were super nice and spirited and I liked them right away. They seemed impressed with my coping through contractions and were fully supportive of my desire to birth naturally. I also got a new nurse around 7am, Tara, who was bomb.com. I love her. She was peppy and happy and she called me family since we share the same last name.

Eventually I met Dr. Maganito. He basically walked in and said hello while he let Anna and Danny check me out. At this point I was getting really tired, I had not slept since the night before and the contractions were sending me into a trauma like state. Every time one would come my body would shake like I had a bad case of the shivers. I would try different breathing techniques and eventually the contraction would end. Tara brought me a heated blanket which became my new best friend. It was so warm and wonderful and really helped with contractions.

So, when you have back labor, they suggest that you get on your hands and knees and it will help baby to flip and supposedly it helps keep the weight off your back so the pain is more bearable. Well each time I tried this I cried because the pain was even worse than before. I did not like being on my hands and knees. Surprisingly, my favorite position was on my back propped up by the bed, sort of in a reclining position.

I remember this picture so vividly because right after Kyle took it, I had one of the worst contractions....

Ok, so I was tired, hungry, pain was getting worse and every time a doctor would come in and talk to me I would listen with my eyes closed because I could no longer physically keep them open.

Oh and every contraction started feeling like this:

I was struggling and Anna and Danny talked to me about getting an epidural. I really didn’t want an epidural but I had told myself that if labor was too long, I was going to need some sort of relief. They also explained at this point my body was in such a state of stress that I wasn’t progressing like I was before. I had been in labor for 20 hours and I needed a break. I looked at Kyle and I knew that the epidural was going to help me. Anna explained that in all reality at this point it was going to make the experience better because I would be able to get some rest and have some energy for pushing and actually meeting this baby. She sold me right there. As soon as I got the epidural I fell asleep for an hour and half. Then it was time to push.

After an epidural and a much needed nap.

This is where things got scary but I was completely unaware. My first two contractions came close together and because I did so much pushing immediately, baby’s heart rate dropped considerably. Dr. Anna was going to deliver, Kyle was holding one leg and Dr. Danny the other. Dr. Maganito was supervising and also switching rooms because another mom was about three minutes behind me. When Dr. Maganito saw the heart rate drop, he immediately called for the OR, ordered the nurses to give Kyle scrubs, and I remember hearing the word scalpel. I was so focused on pushing that I didn’t even realize what was going on. My mom told me later that amidst the brash decision to go for an emergency c-section, Dr. Anna (a resident mind you) stood her ground to a senior doctor and said, “No, I got this. This is not necessary” or something like that. She got me on my hands and knees (didn’t hurt at this point because my lower body was jello, although it was humorous to try to move my body without sensation in my legs) and gave me an oxygen mask. Baby’s heart rate improved immediately and we took a little break to recover.

Now I wasn’t even aware anything scary had happened, I do remember getting the oxygen mask and going “ooo I always wanted to try one of these” and just giggling about everything. The room had been so lighthearted and I hadn’t noticed a change because Dr. Anna maintained the lighthearted spirit throughout it all. She continued to talk to me and it was like she knew how to keep me calm and relaxed. That is what we focused on for the rest of delivery which went beautifully. After about an hour of pushing, Maxwell Thomas Prescott was born at 2:30pm.

welcome to the world little man!

It was surreal, an out-of-body experience seeing this baby who had just been inside me. I couldn’t believe he was here and I just looked at Kyle and my heart swelled to epic proportions. Maxwell was crying and I so I started singing “I am a child of God” to him (a children’s hymn) and he immediately stopped crying. It was such a special moment I will remember forever. He knew that song and he knew my voice. I felt so connected to him and to my husband.

When I see them together, my heart melts a whole lot.

My birth story wasn’t exactly what I had imagined, but Maxwell came into this world healthy and handsome and absolutely perfect. I feel blessed for the modern medicine that exists today that allowed me to enjoy the delivery of my child. I feel blessed for doctors who follow their instincts and hold their ground for the best interest of the patient. I feel blessed for my mother and husband who supported, massaged, and talked me through.

In the end I was proud of myself. I was proud for trying, I was proud that I knew when I need help, I was proud that I had participated in the creation of life.

Came home to a double rainbow...pretty perfect end to an amazing experience.

Introducing!

2011-07-19T11:04:00.000-07:00

I'm in love.

Memories of Pregnancy

2011-07-15T22:07:00.000-07:00

I remember thinking that I would not be one of those women who will do anything to get baby to come. My motto was, "Baby knows" and to an extent I still agree and attempt to abide by this motto. But I didn't realize how extremely frustrating it is to be nine months pregnant and to watch your due date pass you by.

What is even more annoying is people who say, "You look like you are going to pop" (It's the word "pop" that really ruffles my feathers)... or when they say, "You are still pregnant?" Like I didn't realize that the baby had not come out yet...

So I feel like I am playing a mind game with this baby...or is it with my body? Who knows but I'm sick of thinking about it.

Instead I thought I would go over some of my more memorable moments of being pregnant.

My early days of pregnancy were void of morning sickness puking. I do not throw up easily, mostly I just lay and moan. So the first couple of months involved me laying on our couch after work and just not wanting to move. In fact if my stomach started to get too upset I would belch. That's right, I burped the vomit away. When you have to throw up acid is building up in your stomach, so there is some gas involved. So I would burp and it would relieve that acidic pressure. TMI? Well if that was bad for you, I warn you not to read further.

I did throw up. Three isolated sets. The first was Christmas Eve. I had just taken my prenatal vitamins. Previously I had gotten the gummy versions but I couldn't find them on my shopping trip to Safeway (really Safeway?) so I just bought the One-A-Day brand that came with two bottles. These ones were different because they contained iron. Me and iron don't like each other apparently and there is a reason they tell you to eat something before you take those pills. Iron needs something to grab onto and I took the pill right before bed and apparently my stomach was empty. So the iron wanted to come back up....Merry Christmas.

The second time was just at home, I tried eating something with it but apparently it wasn't substantial enough. I was really starting to hate the iron in these pills.

The third time was the most embarrasing moment of my pregnancy, by far. I had decided that taking my pills in the morning after breakfast was working best. Well I was late for work one morning (pregnancy fatigue made me like my sleep a little too much) and decided I would pick up some McD's since it was right by the apartment my family stayed at. Every morning I craved a Egg McMuffin so I was glad for an excuse to pick on up. My plan was pick up sandwhich, eat half of sandwhich in parking lot, take pill, drive the last 2 blocks to work and eat rest of sandwhich in the car.

I went along with my plan, but as I finished my sandwich and stepped out of the car in the parking garage my stomach made that familiar naseous gurgle. I pressed the button for the elevator and tried to suppress the feeling that I was going to see my Egg McMuffin again. The elevator rose and so did my stomach. The vomit came up but it wasn't so much that I couldn't swallow it back down. Relief settled over for a moment as the doors opened to the 8th floor. But it was coming back, swallowing your vomit does not work... as I rushed down the hallway the urge increased in greater form and I vomited with no receptacle in sight but my very own hand.

A hand is a surprisingly good vomit receptacle turns out.

I prayed my boss had already left for work (her husband would be home but still asleep), but no, she was on the other side of the door and viewed me in all my glory and I tried to mumble "sorry" with my hand pressed to my mouth and my mouth still pretty full of the nasty stuff. She motioned me to the bathroom and brought me water.

It was not my finest moment and it makes me laugh.

The other one I can think of that is worthy enough to note happened this past Thursday. When my mom was pregnant with me the nurses at the hospital told her to buy a DQ blizzard and walk up and down the terraces at the local park. So the hubby and I were near a DQ and decided some aerobic walking would do me some good (ok really I just wanted an excuse to get a blizzard and if that comes with hiking up and down a hill that is fine with me).

I had flip flops because it is impossible to try to put on another type of shoe. Flip flops are not good for walking up and down the terraces so I braved it in my bare feet. Now I knew there were bees around and I was doing my best to dodge them, but on my third time down while dodging one I apparently stepped right onto another. It only got my toe but man it sucked. I wobbled back up the hill and into the car laughing at the hilarity of it all.

God has a sense of humor my friends.

Love Story Photo Tour

2011-07-15T09:09:00.000-07:00

I am trying to keep myself busy to distract me from the fact that I am a day over my due date and I am still pregnant. I just want to meet this little baby, sheesh.

Last Sunday the hubby and I dropped my sister off at the camp where we met and fell in love. I decided it would be fun to get some pictures of the places where certain events happened.

This first room is Harvey Hunt Hall, or the dining room. This is where I first saw the boy with the yellow hair. We used to eat at wooden picnic tables but they were replaced about four years ago with these handy round tables which are MUCH easier to move when we have talent shows, dances, and have to mop the floor.

You can see the door to the kitchen which is where I heard the hubby tell me he loved me for the first time. Unfortunately they were working in the kitchen and I didn't know the new cook, so I didn't take a picture of the walk in fridge :)

"That's a track shot. That's a track jump. That's a track side step..."

This is where I sat when I taunted and teased Mongoose as he played basketball.

This is the basketball court where they played.

This is one of my favorite views from camp. The dock.

That island is known as Strawberry Island, named because when you hike up Mt. Kamaikan and look down from above it is shaped like a strawberry.

The dock has changed a bit, it used to be completely connected in a "U" shape. But the part that was removed was rotting and sinking and so it had to go. The dock is where Mongoose shaded me from the sun and threw me in the lake.

This next room was where we had that magical moment of chemistry where he bandaged my finger.

This room has changed quite a bit. The sink used to be a counter top, but those shelves are the same.

This is the area above the lake and that main building you see is Arts and Crafts. It is the smallest, nastiest building but it hasn't changed since the camp was built and no one wants to ruin that part of history. This is the spot where Mongoose tricked me into smelling his lips, making for an awkward moment.

We thought we would reenact that moment for you.

This is bottom of Shinn Lodge. This is where we had a staff sleepover and Mongoose held my hand for the first time. There weren't always couches in this room, most of the time it was empty. They just put new paneling up on the walls and are in the process of painting it white, but that carpet is the same and right in front of the couch is about where we slept.

This final room is the staff lounge. This is where majority of staff training takes places and this is where we first kissed. This room has not changed one bit. The carpet, couches, wall art is all the same. It's a magical place to have a first kiss eh?

Well I hope you enjoyed seeing some of the places I have attempted to describe through my story. This is a very special place to me. These places have remained largely the same throughout my growing up at camp. I love this place, so much.

Love Story Part 11

2011-07-14T16:33:00.000-07:00

As much as Mongoose and I loved being around each other, camp policy was that relationships should not be publicly displayed. For our closer camp staff friends, they figured out quickly that we were dating and everyone was fine with it. Some staff members were a little more “lost in the woods” about the state of Mongoose and Gidget. In fact, one counselor in particular created some hilarious moments for us to remember. His name was Bacon and he was a really nice guy, a little clueless, but very nice. Mongoose had him as an AC for a majority of the summer, but he still didn’t catch on that we were dating.

One Friday night, after parents and kids had gone home, we as staff decided to chill up at camp. It was dark and we were still feeling adventurous. We decided going on a walk in the dark would be the perfect way to end our week. There is a small waterfall that is about five minutes away and we agreed that it was our destination for our night excursion. We needed flashlight however, so Bacon volunteered to go grab some. He ran to his cabin and while he was gone, over half of the group decided they wanted to go the opposite direction. Mongoose and I wanted some alone time and I they recognized this. So we decided we would still walk to the waterfall. They claimed they would fill Bacon in on the new plan and so we started walking. We didn’t need flashlights, just the moon really. So we let the summer night sky guide us to our destination.

We made it to the edge of camp when we heard,

“Hey…wait up….wait up guys…”

It was Bacon.

“Uh, hey Bacon…actually everyone else decided to walk to the lake bank…you should still be able to catch up with them.” Mongoose tried his best, but for someone who had yet to figure out Mongoose and I were dating, he wasn’t going to pick up on the hint that he wasn’t really invited to this little excursion.

“Oh, really? Hmmm…Nah…I really wanted to see the waterfall at night so I will just come with you two,” He reasoned with himself.

Mongoose and I exchanged glances and raised eyebrows. Mongoose tried to hide a chuckle as openly displayed my annoyance. It was dark, so he couldn’t really see. We continued our walk. With Bacon.

It was as awkward as you could imagine and having a flashlight didn’t help. He would constantly shine it in our faces as he excitedly explored the waterfall and climbed around it. He disappeared for a few moments where we could share some peace and look up at the stars. Mongoose stole a kiss right before we saw his flashlight reemerge from behind a tree.

It took Bacon about six weeks to figure out we were dating. Campers figured it out before he could. It was hard to keep ourselves a secret. We were just so smitten and flirtation was too fun to pass up. Mongoose would find little ways to write me notes or buy me candy from the camp store. He would wink during meals and find ways to hug me or wrestle me to the ground (He can be very creative). The campers would see us flirting and ask if we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Often we would claim we were siblings, which seems strange to think about now. So the campers would ask other staff to verify our status and I think Bacon finally just got fed up with being asked so much.

During dinner one night he sat across from Mongoose,

“So all the kids think you and Gidget are dating…isn’t that funny.” I am not sure whether he was trying to dance around the subject, trying to be sneaky, or he really though it was funny. My guess is the latter.

“Uh, we kinda are dating.” Mongoose was tired of him not knowing, he just wanted to fill him in.

Bacon sat there for a second thinking and then stated, “Congratulations!” and shook Mongoose’s hand.

Apparently I was some type of reward, and Mongoose had won.

The summer moved forward faster than I could anticipate and so did our relationship. I was so smitten with this boy. He completed me in such a perfect way that I thought it could have been one big dream. I lived in the moment and soaked the summer in. The late night talks, the walks, the notes, and the sneaky ways he would find to kiss me. He made me feel special, like I was the only girl he saw.

One day during a meal, a camper walked up to me and said,

“Mongoose said he doesn’t like you.”

This camper came almost every week during the summer and so he was aware of our relationship. Mongoose had used him to tease me which he LOVED to do. He would find anyway to tease me and often I would respond by holding up my fingers in the shape of heart and breaking them apart, signaling to him that he just “broke my heart.”
He would usually respond by trying to mend the heart back together with stitches and kisses but today he was feeling a little more adventurous.

“So I hear you don’t like me anymore,” I mock cried passing him in the kitchen. I was filling a pitcher with water when I nearly had a heart palpitation.

“I don’t like you, I love you.” He casually said as he walked back to his table. Once he reached the table he sat and flashed me that smile.

Was this part of the teasing? Was he serious? I wasn’t sure how to gauge what had just happened but I felt nervous, sick to my stomach. I let it go without a word, deciding it was said more as a joke than anything. Maybe it was my mind trying to ease my heart, but it would be awhile before we talked about love again.

What a good weekend.

2011-07-11T11:55:00.001-07:00

My goal is to start photographing more of my life. I have the camera to do so, so really I should take advantage of it. I used to be so good about taking pictures. Was it the vanity of my college days? Has that vanity even left? Mostly I stopped taking so many pictures after traveling to Italy. I had gone on picture overload and I was just kinda over it. Plus I lost my charger for my point-and-shoot so that made taking pictures difficult.

Now I endeavor to pursue understanding this fancy schmancy camera of mine. I love the quality of photos. They make me ever so happy.

Our weekend flew by but it was filled with time for me and my hubby to spend together before the baby gets here. We get to laugh at how many people will stare at my belly or give me raised eyebrows or even ask about my status. You would be so surprised with who wants to talk to you when you are pregnant. It's pretty much everybody.

The weekend started with a haircut. I just wanted something new and I am so glad with how it turned out. The inspiration was Jennifer Aniston (at my stylist's suggestion) but I adore it.

It's longer than her actual look. That's because curly hair can't go crazy short. Just thought I would let you know.

Saturday I did my water aerobics, went to a fastpitch game (got sunburned....), and then hubby got off work early! So we went to the folklife festival in Yakima. This festival cracks me up. It's a mix of renaissance and hippy and a whole lot of small town music. Our dinner options were corn dogs, pizza, gyros, or filipino food. Seriously random. We opted for filipino and were not disappointed.

Then we walked around and looked at the booths of jewlrey and clothes and such. Nothing worth buying but still fun to wander. We of course had to snack on an elephant ear. I had to explain a bajillion times to the hubby the difference between an elephant ear and funnel cakes. He just did not get it. Not matter how many pictures I showed him. Boys.

We listened to this guy play some folksy, bluesy tunes as we munched and chatted about how much our life is going to change in the next couple of days (granted baby comes this week...)

It was a lovely evening.

Sunday we attended our church meetings and were edified greatly by the Spirit. It was such a good day. Especially since we made a quick trip to where it all began.

I love this place and the slogan "experience of a lifetime" really fits where we are. This place has changed my life. This is where I grew up into an adult and this is where I met my husband. My heart has a whole in it each summer that I am not there and all it takes is a quick trip for it to be filled with familiar faces, spaces, and that magic that is found no where else.

This picture is of the summer when we met. I am sitting third from the left on the bottom and hubby is that boy with the bleach blonde hair at the far right. We did a little picture tour of all the places that I have mentioned in our love story and I will post those sometime this week...if baby doesn't interrupt.

We were up at camp to drop of my little sister who is starting the CIT (counselor in training) program. Is it sad that I am excited to have two weeks without her fourteen-year-old antics? I am sad that she gets to be there for the best week of the summer, X-treme week!

X-treme (not extreme) week is a week of pure awesomeness. Everything is amplified and everything is a competition. Who can clean the table the fastest? 20 points to the Purple cabin! Who will wake up every morning and be at Polar Bear swim? 25 points! There is a lot of screaming, a lot of mud (on the overnight campout each cabin competes to be the "dirtiest" cabin....you can only imagine the pictures), and a whole lot of fun.

It was always my favorite week as a camper and staff, but unfortunately I never won. I am very bitter about this. It made me laugh though to know that baby's due date is during X-treme week. It is quite fitting really. My old boss told me that if I had baby this week I can be an honorary X-treme winner, because let's be honest.....labor is pretty X-treme.

The X-treme week hand sign.

Okay baby. I really want that honorary win. Please come this week so mommy can say that she was the most X-treme. Thank you.

Dear Baby

2011-07-07T09:53:00.000-07:00

Dear Baby,

It has been roughly eight months since I knew you existed. I remember the day I found out. I was working at the temple and was assigned to the Celestial Room. I love that room, it's where I hear Heavenly Father most clearly and where I truly feel he hears me. I was asking him why you hadn't come yet. Why the miscarriage? Why the wait? I was doing everything He had asked me to do. So why no baby? I received personal revelation about what I needed to change in my life and I made a personal covenant to do my best. I had this good feeling and driving home I thought...what if?

I needed to stop at the store anyways so why not pick up a test? Or two? I grabbed some tests and headed home. I was planning on waiting a couple more days to take them but curiosity got the best of me.

I remember seeing the positive sign come up and the spirit rushed into the room. I knew that the revelation I had received, the changes I had promised to make were real and oh how my heart swelled with joy at the thought of you.

I was still scared though. After a miscarriage I lived in a state of fear over you. I didn't want any pictures of my belly for fear of you not making it. So I held off on getting excited. Occasionally I would take a picture or two of my belly but it wasn't until I heard your heartbeat that my own heart was still.

There it was. Thump, thump, thump. You were real and every month I would get so excited to hear your little heart.

When I started to feel you kick I could have lept with joy! It started out as a flutter and now you kick my ribs. Sometimes I complain, but really I don't mind, because it reminds me you are there.

I was scared to talk to you, I think it was a residual fear of losing you, of getting too attached. But I decided living in fear wasn't really helping us bond. There will always be that fear of losing you. But we are connected. My life is your life.

So now I wait. You are supposed to come in about 8 days and I can't wait to see your face. Your eyes, your nose, your ears, your toes, I could go on an on and I know that when I see you. I will know you are mine. I am excited you made it baby. So excited.

Six Years Ago on the 4th of July

2011-07-05T23:07:00.000-07:00

My hubby and I solidified our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend. So I happen to love the fourth of July because it's kinda special and it is the epitome of summer.

Oh summer you beckon us with your sunshine and popsicles during the cold of the winter. Then we complain about it. Ok maybe you just complain if you are 9 days from your due date and are terribly uncomfortable and just want to meet the little person that is growing inside of you.

My theory was that if the baby came on the 4th it would be a girl. Only a girl would be that sentimental (stereotype much?). So my guess is a boy although that has been my guess all along....

Right. Back to the 4th of July.

Hubby had to work and so I enjoyed the day as much as possible without him. Thankfully he got off in time to make it to the BBQ with us. To be honest I wasn't expecting much from this BBQ. But it delivered.

Bananagrams anyone? FYI that is NOT my husbands beer. That is his sparkly tangerine juice however.

Here is my sparkly mango juice. These are super yummy.

It delivered because of an epic water balloon fight.

So at first I was just photographer of the glory of this battle, but those teens were getting tricky and my mom needed some help tying balloons. So I joined forces with the blue team. Well as most water balloon fights go.....soon hoses and buckets were used because they got you WAY more wet. Since I had charge of the hose I figured I could use that and my pregnancy status to ward off attacks.....It worked for awhile.

Teens have no mercy. Pretty soon I was sprinting away from buckets of water (they spared hitting me with balloons...for the most part). Everyone was surprised with how fast I could run.....Fight or flight man. I am all about flight.

So we got pretty wet. Then we ate dessert soaking in the last few rays of the summer sun.

Our night ended with us driving as fast as we could DURING the fireworks show to get a better view. It all worked out and it was a happy day.

Now the wait for baby continues...

Time goes ticking on...

2011-07-01T17:17:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here in my bedroom thinking about life. I find that I have a lot of time on my hands lately to do this. Besides trying to distract myself with minesweeper my mind continually goes back to how I imagine my life being different.

Not different in a my-life-sucks-right-now way but different in the sense of,I want to be better. I want to find more joy in the small and simple things. I want to create beautiful things. I want to surround myself with love and let that love more fully go forth from me.

Maybe it's the fact that my due date is in 14 days and doctor says I am starting to progress (okay it's most likely this) but I know my world is going to change soon. Change for the better. I am really really really anxious about this. I am anxious because I feel joy coming my way. I am trying to soak up these last moments of solitude because I know from now on, my life really is not my own anymore. I will be responsible for someone else and I am more than glad for that. I am excited to stretch my inner being because I know that is what will develop my character.

So the sun is beating in the sky and I will probably return to another game of minesweeper (advanced because I am bomb like that) and be glad that I will be swimming shortly.

Love Story Part 10

2011-06-28T08:28:00.000-07:00

I went to my very first concert with him. It was Vans Warped Tour and this year it was stacked with some pretty great bands. Mostly I wasn’t that into punk or rock but I will listen to just about anything given it has a good beat and message. Mongoose was super excited because all of his favorite bands were going to be there: All American Rejects, MXPX, the list goes on. He was definitely the most excited for Fall Out Boy. I was most excited for Offspring. I grew up listening to them and I found out that concerts are infinitely more enjoyable when you can sing along to songs. The tour was at the Gorge which is a beautiful place for music; basically artists play against a backdrop of a river cutting through orange and red rock canyons. It’s inspiring.

I was nervous to be going because we would be carpooling in my mom’s red suburban with a bunch of camp people and a few non camp people, including Carissa. I was nervous driving the red beast to the parking lot of Fred Meyer where we had all decided to meet up. I parked and started calling everyone letting them know exactly where I was. People came out of their cars excited for a fun day in the sun jamming out. Everyone was talking about getting posters and tshirts signed. Mongoose hopped out of Tejas’ car looking the strangest I had ever seen him. Oh boy…I thought….he really has no sense of style does he….

He was trying to look like a conservative rockstar. This meant he had tried to create a Mohawk with that beach blond hair of his. He hadn’t tried very hard because the peak was flopping over and losing its muster already. He wore some plaid yellow shorts which was part of this plaid short/striped shirt uniform that the male head counselors had decided on. He wore an MXPX shirt and….bright yellow wrestling shoes. It looked like a costume and I teased him a bit.

Carissa showed up and I was anxious to be around her. I didn’t want her to hate me and I didn’t know what to expect. She had every right to be standoffish and cold, but surprisingly she was bright and happy and talkative. On our way to the concert we listened to some music and somehow Disney got thrown in the mix. Carissa screamed out that she loved a particular song from the movie Hercules as it came on and I found myself excited to know someone else appreciated it as much as I did. We laughed and sang boisterously. Everything was going to be fine, I realized. This girl was not like the girls in high school I had come to know. She wasn’t jealous or bitter or mean like I was expecting. She contradicted the stereotype of a high school girl with her maturity and sweet heart.

We arrived at the concert and some guy walked up to our group and asked if we would like to hear his cd. Carissa and I looked at each other and agreed. We jammed for a minute and decided we liked his stuff. We bought one cd, cut the costs and she gave me the burnt copy a couple weeks later. Again, I was shocked with how much I liked her. It wasn’t weird or awkward, only if I let it. So I let go as much as possible of my anxious nature and just decided to have fun.

The concert was a blast. I mostly stayed up on the hillside keeping watch over all the goods and relaxing and enjoying the music. The boys of course wanted to go to the mosh pit. They would mosh, crowd surf, come up the hill for water and sit and then do it all over again. It was a wonderful day that ended with a great performance by Fall Out Boy. We all were happy and exhausted. My mom had friends who lived in the town nearby who agreed to let us sleep in their yard which overlooked the Columbia River as well. They were out of town but it was a memorable evening of everyone crashing in their sleeping bags.

We woke up to some automatic sprinklers that were set to go off at 6am. Not really ideal for a bunch of tired teenagers. Someone tied a plastic bag over the one that showered us and we drifted back to sleep. Alarms went off as the reality of our summer jobs set in. We all packed it up in the car and drove back. Back to sleepless nights taking kids to the bathroom, back to chicken nuggets and spaghetti, back to capture the flag and friendship bracelets, back to our reality.

Camp was the greatest. Every day was filled with the same structure but something new was always happening. I would get to spend at least an hour with Mongoose without kids a day, it was always the highlight. We would kiss in the staff lounge, to the misfortune of our coworkers. I am positive it was as awkward as it seems. We would go on walks or take a trip to Silver Beach, the RV park convenience store/restaurant that was about 10 minutes away. We would get a milkshake and sign our camp names into the counter with a sharpie. Our names are still there.

I found out that Mongoose was quite talented on the guitar during the summer. This I learned during staff training but he never ceased to amaze me with the peppy tunes that he came up with. He would sing some songs I knew and sometimes he would just make up funny lyrics. It always melted my heart to hear him play. He wasn’t the most talented singer but what he lacked in voice, he made up for with his smile. His smile radiated from his very being. Even when he wasn’t smiling it seemed like he was. I couldn’t quite figure it out. Why did he always seem so happy?

I mean he didn’t have a perfect life by any means. His family wasn’t very well off, his father struggled in some areas, and so did his mom. When he told me about his childhood, it was infinitely different than mine. He had to grow up at a young age and had to deal with an unruly sister. He had every reason to complain about how hard his life was, but instead he just smiled away being better because of his experiences rather than dwelling in them.

We talked a little about it. He mentioned how his being Mormon helped him immensely. He didn’t always expand on this, but I started to pick it up as our relationship furthered. He had a relationship with God that I envied. It was like he knew Him. He would mention how keeping certain commandments made him stronger instead of making him feel like he was constantly missing out on something.

I was definitely intrigued. I was happy that I had found a boy who treated me with the respect that I knew I deserved. I was even happier that he didn’t party or drink. It relieved me to know that there were boundaries as far as our physical relationship went. Kissing was good and fun, but it stopped there. He had standards similar to my own, but they were rooted in something deeper. I held the same standards but I didn’t always know why. He taught me about my relationship with God in the process of explaining why these standards were important.

Now I am not going to say that I was perfect as a teenager in keeping these standards before I met Mongoose. I certainly had my fair share of feeling like I was making some pretty big mistakes, but I always tried my best. It is so much harder when you don’t surround yourself with those that hold the same standards. I found this out the hard way, but I am grateful that I was always eventually led to those who helped me maintain my standards rather than compromise them further. I was kept safe, but I would definitely have to deal with some guilt later when I realized the impact my mistakes really had on my spirit.

As summer progressed I felt like I had been led to meet Mongoose. He understood me so perfectly and it seemed too odd to me that I could find someone who really saw me. Not just for who I was, but for who I could be. He was a diamond in the rough of the small town I grew up in.

Ten Things Love List

2011-06-21T10:11:00.001-07:00

I miss doing these lists. They really help me to see the happy things in my life that I sometimes gloss over because I love focusing on the hairy, yucky things.

1. Baby Shoes
Seriously is there anything more fun to look at than baby shoes? What is it about them that makes your heart go pitter patter? Is it the small proportions? The endless possibilities? The desire to dress babies like adults? I had been oggling this pair at a local bookstore for about 2 months and last week when I went in there was only one pair left. I knew I would regret for the rest of my life not having these.

Oh and then my mother-in-law pulled these beauties out of a bag of the hubby's baby stuff. Yes, those are knitted baby cowboy boots. I about died.

2. Husband's old baby blanket.
The blanket that both shoes are sitting on top of was handmade (same as the cowboy/girl boots) by Kyle's grandma. Actually the blanket might have been his great grandma. Either way I freaked out a little when I saw it because it is the baby blanket of my dreams. Plus it is gender neutral.

3. Prenatal Water Aerobics.
It is starting to get pretty toasty here and my favorite thing is to be in water (friends with pools please invite me over for a swim...) Thankfully my mom discovered a prenatal water aerobics class at a local athletic club. The cost isn't too high and I love moving around in the water. To be honest I used to think water aerobics was for wussies and that you couldn't get a work out. But these teachers know how to work your arms and legs and keep your prego body feeling good.

4. Painting.
So I actually accomplished one of my goals and I painted a picture for our anniversary/father's day. It didn't turn out exactly how I wanted it, but I felt so good getting it done. My mind has another idea for a painting and I am excited to try it out. I think that's where you have to start at least, just with an idea.

5. Pink toenails.
I always get pink toenails when either doing it myself or getting a pedicure. I don't know why but I just love looking down and seeing that happy bright color. Seriously, pink toes rock!

6. Seeing friends who live far away.
My good friend Kristin is on the west coast for a week and the hubs and I are making the trek to ensure that I see her. For some crazy reason she and her husband decided to move to DC (stupid schools) and I haven't seen her in what feels like forever. Although the visit will be short, I am very excited to see her at all!

7. Goodwill stores that carry Target no-sells.
Our local Goodwill gets all the leftover Target clothes and sells them super cheap. I was stoked to find a perfect postpartum dress for nursing and a super cute top all for ten dollars! I was a happy girl.

8. Otter pops/shaved ice.
I love flavored ice. I don't know what it is but even as a little kid sherbert was always my favorite kind of ice cream to get (shout out to rainbow sherbert at B&R!) Whenever my mouth gets dry I run to the freezer and start munching on some otter pops. Last week my little sister treated me to some shaved ice with her lemonade stand money (okay so I might have forced this a bit). I got strawberry colada and she got grapefruit. She didn't like her flavor so we ended up switching and to be honest grapefruit really wasn't that good, but I ate it anyway. So word to the wise, don't get grapefruit flavor.

9. Makeup samples.
My mom has a lot of makeup samples around the house and it is fun to try new products without the price commitment. I love that I found this shimmer tinted moisturizer from Clinique that gives me a summer glow.

10. Summer is officially here!
It is my favorite time of the year and it means that baby is going to be here soon! Each day is filled with nerves/anticipation/excitement/what the heck am I going to do? I think having a baby is going to be pretty rad and my goal is to laugh at myself as much as possible instead of getting frustrated.

Two years...since the start of forever.

2011-06-15T14:09:00.000-07:00

You know it's going to be a good day when your day starts off with this:

That is my baby sister who had a dance recital this past weekend. She is in hip hop and she has moves....clearly.

It was also our two year anniversary weekend and watching my little sister dance was just the beginning. After watching her we jetted up to Seattle for some fun because let's be honest, where we live does not have a whole lot to do. Seriously someone asked me once what they should do when visiting and all I could come up with was playing tennis. That's fine if you like tennis (which I do) but being 8 months along I can't really chase after that darn neon ball (just imagine it).

My husband had never been to the Pacific Science Center, strange since he is the nerdiest science boy in the universe (he thinks jokes about ions are hilarious). So we decided that we would visit. We had a blast running around with all the little kids.

They had a special exhibit about fear. They nailed my biggest fear.

They had this contraption that replicated the fear of falling. Obviously they wouldn't strap me to it, but Kyle gave it a whirl and they have a camera filming your reaction. He was trying to be all cool and then his face contorted to the funniest expression as he anticipated the end of the fall. It was hilarious.

After the Science trip we headed over to West Seattle for dinner at Salty's a waterfront seafood restaurant. It was delicious and beautiful and since we had had a big lunch we took our time eating and just talked. We talked about our favorite memories from the past year and what differences we saw from year one to year two. I think it will be our new tradition, it really helped us to see how much growth we have gone through and how we have been truly blessed. Seriously, it's been a good two years.

before dinner:

Once dinner was done we drove down the street to Alki beach. It's the greatest place and if I was forced to live in Seattle in the future I would make sure that I lived in West Seattle as close as possible to this place. We walked along the boardwalk and enjoyed the beautiful sunset and Kyle skipped rocks.

We had a wonderful Sunday where we lucked out by being present for a family friend's baby blessing. We saw some friends we missed dearly and enjoyed the beautiful sunshine. Afterwards we drove halfway home and stopped in Suncadia (a beautiful resort that my aunt has a condo at and awesomely lets us use). We enjoyed a night to ourselves without interruption and went on a little hike the next day. It was the perfect end to the best two years of my life.

I am so lucky to be married to this man. I could get all gushy and explain everything I love about him, but I will spare you and just say that Heavenly Father knows me so well in sending me this wonderful man. He compliments me so perfectly and makes me the happiest girl in the whole wide world.

Love Story Part 9

2011-06-10T14:46:00.000-07:00

The summer of 2005 can be described in one word: magical. Once Mongoose and I were officially dating we pretty much couldn’t get enough of each other. Not just in that lovesick puppy dog love but we really just enjoyed being around each other. We found that we both had a quirky and cheesy sense of humor and found ourselves laughing constantly.

Our time working up at camp was to be honest, distracted. We lived in another world up at camp as it was and we got to see each other often. It was also beneficial that we were working because we got to see how each other worked with kids. That’s one thing that I realized was really important to me up there. I saw the way he treated kids, he looked at them in the eyes and listened to their goofiness and played along with it. He pretty much turned into a little kid.

My deep desire to be a mother was so pleased with this. I am a girl with “daddy issues” you could say. I love my dad and he has been a great provider but as far deep interactions I was sorely lacking and I always wished better for my own kids. Yes, even at sixteen I was thinking about my future family. Maybe it is because I am a girl or maybe it is because it is such a part of who I am as a person. My mind prepares for the future.

But besides being delighted with his interactive skills with children we got to know each other really well on the weekends as we would stay up late and talk about everything. I found him so easy to talk to. He listened to me and with the wild abandon of a first love I spilled everything to him without trying to “protect” myself. I find that comes after you have been hurt even by someone who supposedly “loves” you. So far I hadn’t had that experience so I just let my thoughts flow out.

We talked about our families and what it was like growing up, we talked about previous relationships and why they didn’t work out, we talked about our dreams and opinions. This guy was so different from other high school guys. He cared about what I had to say and actually valued my intelligence. I found myself growing closer and closer to him as I shared more and more of who I truly was.

Weekends also involved going to town and running around with other camp friends. One night Mongoose, Smalls, and I headed over to my parent’s home for some dinner. This was the first time Mongoose would be meeting my family and the first time I was letting my family meet a boy I was dating. I was proud of this boy and knew that he would do just fine. We got to my house and headed to the backyard which is where everyone always is, enjoying the sunshine. Some of my siblings were playing badminton and my mom was sitting on her swing reading a book. After some introductions my mom decided on getting some Thai food for dinner. I grew up eating Thai food and loved it, Mongoose and Smalls had never even had it.

“Wait so what are we eating?”

“Thai. It’s food from Thailand, like tofu, noodles, rice and stuff. It’s really yummy.”

They both gave me a worried expression. These were meat and potato boys and I think the word tofu kind of freaked them out a bit.

While my mom ran inside to place the order over the phone, Mongoose decided to try out my brother’s skateboard. He stood on top and pushed himself forward with his right food and then realized that his balance was off and the skateboard was ahead of him. Like any normal person would he jumped off and let the board go skating ahead of him. Unfortunately the force he pushed himself with was pretty strong and he had chosen a direction that sent the skateboard directly into one of my mother’s flower pots.

It shattered and soil burst forth covered a section of the patio. He turned bright red and immediately started apologizing. Smalls and I were both laughing hysterically and some of my sibling ran over to where all the excitement was.
“Don’t worry,” I explained, “My mom won’t care at all. It’s not a big deal.”
He didn’t seem to believe me. I don’t think he actually thought my mother would be upset about a broken flower pot but it was the fact that this was his first time meeting her and he obviously wanted to make a good impression. This was not the way he had imagined things going.

My mom had heard the shatter and came outside to make sure everything was alright. She smiled and laughed and told him not to worry. We all picked up the dirt and replanted the flowers in another pot. My mom left to go pick up the food and we started a game of badminton. One of my older brother’s happened to be home for the weekend from some summer courses at UW and I was most worried about them getting along.

I desperately wanted my brothers to like Mongoose. They gave me no insight as to whether they approved or not, and they weren’t ever going to. Not verbally at least, because we are not a “touchy-feely” family and we don’t really talk about our relationships.

Food arrived and we explained to Smalls and Mongoose how to eat everything and what to try. They both looked incredibly skeptical but obviously wanted to be polite and started munching away.

“WHOA! This is good!” I started to hear them say in between bites.
“I told you so.” I gave Mongoose a smile and we all enjoyed our meal.
Meeting Mongoose’s family was definitely a different experience. It was late after a Friday night up at camp and we had headed back into town. Mongoose’s father was picking up the boys and us girls were going elsewhere. On the way down, Tejas tried to give me advice on how to greet Mongoose’s father.

“Dude, you gotta flip him off! He will love it.”

Mongoose laughed and tried to explain that Tejas was being serious.

“Um….I don’t think so. Even if he does like it I don’t really like flipping people off, especially when I first meet them….” I tried to counter back.

“No seriously Gidget, he will love you so much if you do.” Tejas was unrelenting.

I did not flip Mongoose’s father off, although I did have a serious internal debate about whether or not I should. I decided that ultimately he would still like me if I didn’t and that I didn’t want to risk him thinking I was some crazy girl.

I think his dad was a little disappointed to learn that I knew it was ok to flip him off and chose not to, but he just laughed and told me I looked like a little garden gnome.

I don’t know where he sees garden gnomes but I have never seen one that remotely resembles me. This nickname stuck however, and I was referred to for a very long time as “the gnome.”

I met his mother at another pick up time when she was dropping him off after attending church. She smiled and said hello and Mongoose jumped into my car and we drove away to try to make it up to camp in time for our staff meeting. There wasn’t time to talk.

Summer started to roll by and we continued to talk and kiss and kiss a little more. Man, I could not get enough of his kisses. He couldn’t get enough of mine either. During mealtimes he would wander in the kitchen to get an extra helping and I would also decide to get more rolls or bacon or something and somehow we both found a way to make it into the walk-in refrigerator, close the door and steal a few kisses. Sometimes we would even go into the freezer portion. It was so fun and exciting being surround by freezing cold and kissing his warm lips. We only got caught doing this once, most of the other staff was pretty oblivious or knew what we were up to and didn’t seem to care. But I felt like a secret spy and it made our relationship exciting and full of sparks.

I continued to feel that chemistry that came when he bandaged my finger and I as much as it scared me, I was a comfort at the same time. I knew that the feelings inside me were good and they made me the happiest I had ever been in my life.

Summer Plans

2011-06-09T17:47:00.000-07:00

Normally this is what I would do with my summer:

In an attempt to entertain children (who are we kidding, we just liked dressing up!) I would dress up all crazy at a summer camp that I had attended as a child. I love this camp, my heart still aches for the energy, the songs, the.....I am going to stop before I rationalize having a baby up in the woods.

It has been two summer since I have worked there. Camp took up the whole summer and so you didn't have to make any summer plans and you felt accomplished by using your summer dressing up like a unicorn (true story). After getting married, I decided I couldn't really work at camp without it being weird...So I decided to take summer courses at UW. Then the next summer I as a nanny so my days were filled with trips to Alki beach and trying to get over losing a baby. Wasn't a summer of "let's accomplish things!"

This summer is different though. I am back in my hometown which has awesome summer weather and is a fun little town. I want to make sure that I enjoy this summer. Currently the summer is revolving around when baby will come and it will certainly dictate how summer turns out, but I want to make sure that I feel accomplished with my summer (besides pushing a human out of my whoo-ha), even if it means pulling out that unicorn suit.....

So my summer list:

1.Have a baby (ok obvious one...)
2.Complete the prenatal water aerobics class I signed up for
3.Read a ton of books (book suggestions people...)
4.Visit camp often/oretend like they will let pregnant people work there
5.Celebrate Pioneer Day (it's a church holiday of sorts where we honor those that trekked across snowy lands to have religious freedom)
6.Perservere in breastfeeding (I have talked to my mom and she says the first two weeks suck which makes a lot of people go...no thank you, or think that something is wrong with their milk production)
7. Paint some original artwork (I got this idea in my head for a piece of art and I am really excited about it especially since I can gift it to the hubby for our anniversary because it's gonna be sentimental)
8. Learn to send thank you cards (seriously I suck at this. Don't even ask about our wedding thank you cards which were all written and never delivered....)
9. Find a place to live in our soon to be new hometown of Spokane (main needs are a w/d and lots of natural lighting)
10. Keep in touch with friends and go out an enjoy this quaint, wierd town.

We are getting there...

2011-06-08T13:20:00.001-07:00

I am 35 weeks now. Which means that this baby is getting nice and fat inside me. It also means baby is running out of room in there and I can tell that this baby likes space. Lately it keeps kicking and kicking and kicking, it makes the husband laugh and at night he has tele-kinetic dreams with our child where he can communicate with the baby through some sort of baby-kick-morse-code. It makes me laugh.

So for now I am just waiting for baby and constantly pondering the age-old question of who I want to be and such. Once the husband and I were talking about something feminism related (a favorite topic of mine if you didn't know) and he brought up a scripture that said:

And so great were the blessings of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon raw meat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong, yea, even like unto the men; and they began to bear their journeyings without murmurings.

When I read it my heart sunk because the husband brought it up to point out the "strong even like unto the men" portion, claiming that men were stronger blah blah blah. I didn't know what to think of it and I found that when I have questions about things that I feel really passionately about the best thing I can do is wait it out. The answer always comes and it's always glorious. So I furrowed my eyebrows and I might have hit him. But secretly I was pondering and deciding to wait.

Well yesterday I finally understood the passage. This all has a point....you'll see.

So being pregnant isn't all sunshine and rainbows like I idealized (there I go setting expectations). It comes with a lot of hormonal fluctuations and some days you find yourself in a pit of gloom, worried about what kind of mother you will be and if you can handle it and oh my goodness it is sooo hot and I didn't even sleep last night and I just want to curl up in a ball and wither away on my sheets that need washing. Got it?

So there I was being all moody and weird and my husband was trying desperately to figure out what the heck was wrong with me and then the next day I woke up and it wasn't much of a day until we did our joint scripture study before bed. We decided to pick back up on reading the Book of Mormon with the studying perspective of "family," and there we were in 1 Nephi 17 and I started reading and came across that scripture that the husband had brought up awhile back. But this time when I read my mind blossomed like peonies outside my window and I got it (was that too cheesy? sorry).

So these people in the wilderness have been through a lot. Understandably the women complain (we are rather good at it I must agree). So here these women are bearing children in the wilderness (no pain meds at its best people!) and then they have to keep journeying and then they can't even cook their meat so they are eating raw meat (ew ew ew) and they breastfed all the while (they ate that raw meat FOR their kids, it was a matter of life or death) and after all this I think they realized they were strong, just like the men were in terms of physical strength. It was only after these women went through all of the afflictions of motherhood and sacrificing their appetites so their babies could survive did they realize that, "Hey, I AM strong! I am strong just like any of these fellows out here!"

So after that they stop murmuring. Because they know they can do it.

It wasn't that they weren't strong before or that the men were stronger at some point, but I truly believe it was that they had to experience the hardships and get through them to realize that they were strong.

I think I get a little worried about whether I can do it at all, the whole labor-becoming a mom thing. But really it's inside all of us, the strength to bear through without needing to complain. Because once you realize your strength, you realize all you are capable of and you can slowly stop the whole pity-party thing.

So I am excited for labor whether it happens naturally or not because I know that ultimately it will help me to realize the strength within me.

Bucket List

2011-06-02T18:45:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do in life. Being pregnany has given way to a lot of introspection and my number one desire is to be a mother. So I'm pretty lucky that I have that one worked out so far. But there is still so much I want to accomplish, so many skills I want to develop. So I thought I would write some of them down and maybe you can suggest ways that I can accomplish them now, or later, or just ways to accomplish them that I might not know about.

1. learn to play the guitar
2. learn to play the piano
3. publish a book (ok so this one I am kinda working on....the book part that is)
4. learn to paint
5. learn to knit
6. learn to crochet (apparently I just want to be an old lady...)
7. sew a dress
8. run a marathon
9. visit Australia
10.visit Africa
11.write a song
12.run my own resident camp
13.ride in a hot air balloon
14.learn how to build things (like using carpentry tools and such)
15.learn how to cook from instinct
16.visit the holy land

this is not an exhaustive list...there are things that pop into my head all the time and some are way more personal than I wish to share online...but you get the idea.

Part 8

2011-06-01T13:43:00.000-07:00

I showed up at the fairgrounds with my camp buddies Twilight, Waffles, and Potato. We all rode together smashed into Twilight’s car blasting music and giggling in excitement about the night ahead. It had been a dry summer day, the only moisture coming from sticky skin and condensation on soda cans. Summer nights in Yakima were magical, they held the potential for anything to happen and I could feel the electric buzz in the air. My life was about to change and I kinda had a feeling it would happen.

The fairgrounds sparkled with lights. The smell of funnel cakes and corn dogs permeated the air. We wandered around and finally bumped into Mongoose, Tejas, and Carissa. Mongoose and I jokingly exchanged banter,
“Fancy seeing you here,”
“Long time, no see,”
“What a surprise!”

I was so excited to see him and my heart rhythm changed every time he looked my way. But she was still there and it was like nothing had changed. I wanted so badly for things to change, for me to be the one holding his hand. I wanted another kiss.
I was started to hate wanting him.

We all wandered around together and fortunately I had friends to distract me from the fact that I wasn’t getting all the attention I wanted. The fireworks show was starting soon and we wanted to find a spot where we could all sit together. We ventured over to a grassy area and all sat down. Mongoose sat down next to me and we chatted for a minute when Carissa and Potato got up, deciding to get some lemonade. I was excited for a moment with Mongoose without her near.

As soon as Carissa and Potato were out of sight I felt his hand on top of mine. He wasn’t holding my hand just covering it with his own. My heart fluttered with a mix of emotions. On one hand I was so excited and my hormones were shooting through the roof. On the other hand….WHO WAS THIS GUY?

I mean did he think he could play me this much? His girlfriend wasn’t far away and he was trying to hold my hand. I was crushing and I was mad. I liked him and I hated him.

I decided to just ignore it and pretend like everything was normal and pretty soon Carissa and Potato were back. His hand quickly slipped away. I looked at Potato and she gave me this look that said, “She knows.”

The guilt was overwhelming. I didn’t want to be that girl. I didn’t want to be part of a cheating scandal. It made me sick to my stomach and I decided to just forget all about him. Forget about the chemistry, the kiss, the heart flutters. The fireworks ended and I felt like all the magic and hope was gone. We all parted ways and headed back to Twilight’s car.

We decided being young that our night was not over. We were starved and headed to Shari’s, a diner, to discuss our lives over milkshakes, waffles, and eggs.
The girls wanted the scoop. They wanted to know how I felt about everything and what all had happened. I spilled my heart out in frustration. Potato told me that Carissa had suspected something was up but wasn’t incredibly hurt about it. She explained that their relationship was definitely more of a summer fling and that she hadn’t expected much from it, especially since he was going to be at camp all summer. I felt a little relieved but not much. Then Potato tried to convince me that Mongoose wasn’t as bad as I imagine him being.

“He’s a really good guy, I promise.”

“I don’t know, I mean I really like him but I don’t know if I can trust him…” I replied.

“You know he’s Mormon right?”

All of a sudden my whole world changed. Thoughts flooded my mind as I analyzed what him being Mormon could possibly mean.

“HE’S WHAT?!??!!” I shouted.
Just like in the movies the entire restaurant turned their heads looking my way. My cheeks grew red in embarrassment over my exclamation.

“He’s Mormon.” She confirmed.

Everything I knew about Mormons raced to my mind. Although he was playing me like a fool, I couldn’t really blame that on him being Mormon. It was more a boy thing and besides every time I was around him, he was so kind to me. He looked at me. I felt like I was worth something when I was around him. Now I didn’t need a boy to tell me I was special because I was a pretty confident young girl, but I struggled like any teenager.

Although what I had heard about Mormon’s wasn’t much, there was still a stigma attached to the name. However, I decided that in the end it really didn’t mean all that much, him being Mormon.

The rest of the conversation turned into what should be done about my relationship with him. The girls convinced me that I really needed to take charge and just confront him about everything. If he really wanted to be with me the two-timing had to stop. I agreed with all of this and realized my folly in letting it go on for so long without saying anything to him.

So in a parking lot smashed in with the girls I called Mongoose. It was around midnight and I was more nervous than I had ever been. I didn’t know what to say.

“Uh…Hi Mongoose?”

“Hey Gidget. What’s up? It’s kinda late…”

“Yeah…uhhh…I’m sorry about that but I….uh….I am with Potato and Twilight and Waffles….and I uhhh….they told me I should call you to talk….about….you know…everything.”

Potato, Twilight, and Waffles all moaned and shushed me, whispering how I should not be mentioning they were with me.

“Uh…ok,” He responded, “Let’s talk. What’s on your mind?”

I was bad on the phone. I always have been. Plus, I felt doubly awkward and didn’t know how to handle trying to convince a boy to choose you over his summer fling.

“Well….so I don’t really like how things are going…I kinda feel like I am being played… and I just…I just want you to decide.”

“Yeah…It hasn’t really been normal, has it? To tell you the truth I was expecting this conversation,” I could hear in his voice a sense of guilt, “I am really sorry about how things have been…I have been kinda stupid about the whole thing…Um…I am going to make a call and then can I call you back?”

“Uh…” I looked to the girls for support; they nodded in approval, “Sure. Call me back.”

I hung up the phone and the girls all exploded in laughter. They thought that I was incredibly socially awkward on the phone and it delighted them. We all thought it best to just go home for the night and that way when he called back I would be alone.
I sat in my room waiting for him to call back. It wasn’t long before my phone rang and I answered immediately.

“Well, it’s all done.”

“What do you mean?” I responded.

“Well after talking to you earlier I realized I needed to make a choice. That it wasn’t fair to keep stringing both of you along and trying to play it cool. I realized that if I had to make a choice, I choose you. So I called Carissa and explained that it wasn’t going to work out between us. So…”

“So…does this mean…”

“You're my girlfriend."

I smiled. This night turned out better than I thought it was going to.

Making me a Mama

2011-05-19T21:34:00.000-07:00

Have you read kellehampton.com? If you haven't I highly recommend you dash over to the most inspiring, down-to-earth, and just real as it gets blog. Every now and then when I wish I could read more of her words I look at her past posts. Recently I read the birth story of her first daughter and I was overcome with emotion. The reality of this child in me became so real with her words, "you made me a mama."

This little life inside of me is what will make me a mama. Hopefully more children will follow but there is something so special about the first child I am realizing. It is strange to think this baby has a personality and sometimes when I am all alone I just talk to it. Sometimes I wish I knew the gender but in all reality I am really liking the aspect of surprise. I love feeling the baby inside me, the kicks and position changes. I am very excited to meet this little person because I know that they will be so special and they will teach me so much more than I can ever teach them.

I have dreamt about being a mama for a long time. I have longed to kiss the heads of my children at night and hold them tight. I cannot wait to sing them soft lullabies and teach them about life and love and faith.

I so badly want to "nest" and create a perfect place for this little one to enter into. A beautiful little gender neutral room where I can feel inspired to do motherly things. But really I am finding out more and more that nothing will replace the pure love we can give this child. No matter what bedding, clothing, or gadgets we have this baby will be wrapped in love. That is the only haven it really wants. That and milk.

So even though I have fun creating cute little onesies and picking out the "perfect" carseat, I know that deep down I have everything it takes to be a mama. It's always been inside of me and this baby is going to reveal my infinite self-worth as a mother. I am so excited.

And because it was requested here is a picture of me today at 32 weeks.

Love Story Part 7

2011-05-13T16:41:00.000-07:00

The next morning we all headed back to town. I was given a sweet smile before Mongoose and I departed and when I reached home I ran upstairs to my bedroom and flopped down on the bed. I could hear my younger siblings running around with friends in and out of the house. I had a little brother, Mike and two younger sisters, Caroline and Margaret. Margaret had just turned two and was practically attached to my mother’s hip. I was the oldest girl but still had two older brothers, J.P. and Robert who were living in Seattle attending the University of Washington. I didn’t miss them much because once they left, so did all of the teasing. I was always a very reclusive child when it came to time at home, probably due to all of the taunting that came when I appeared. I liked my space and relished in the few moments that I had to take in what had happened the night before.

I jolted up and realized I desperately needed to check my myspace and email. I had my own computer in my room and I was addicted to the new social networking capabilities the internet provided. Of course, I had to scour Mongoose’s myspace page once more. He didn’t seem to use it much but there were a couple of posts from his girlfriend Carissa before camp had started. I analyzed each and every word looking for anything that might calm my fears of what was actually going on.

He had a girlfriend.

He just kissed me last night.

I was the “other woman.”

Guilt surrounded me and I felt awful. I redirected my thoughts and decided to properly shower and head out to the supermarket to pick up a few things. Trying to get clean at camp was a joke. You would get wet and then walk out into the dust bowl and be completely dirty immediately. You never really got clean until you came back into town. Once I was done, I drove to the store. I need to pick up a journal and some toiletries for the coming week. I am someone who loves to wander around a store to just check things out so I soon found myself near the jewelry seeing if there was anything I would possibly wear. I was staring at some rings when I heard a familiar voice,
“Hey Gidget!”

It was Mongoose. Correction. It was Mongoose and Carissa.

My cheeks flushed as he smiled as if everything was completely normal. Because it is completely normal to kiss one girl and the next day see her and hold the hand of your actual girlfriend.

“Uhhh, hi. What are you two up to?” I responded.

“Oh, I needed some flip flops for camp and I stink at shopping so I brought Carissa to help me out.” He waved a pair of flip flops in his spare hand in my direction.

I stared down those flip flops like no one’s business, mainly because making eye contact felt like I wasn’t wearing any pants. It was awful. Embarrassing. Extremely guilt-inducing. The worst part was that as we continued to make small talk about the weather, my new journal, and the next week of camp Carissa would smile so sweetly at me.

It would be easier if she was snobby, bratty, or rude, anything besides being a complete angel. I wanted to find some sort of fault, some sort of reason why I was better for Mongoose than her. I had nothing. Thankfully the agony of that meet up was over and we decided that we might see each other at the fair grounds for the Fourth of July which would be that Monday and which we thankfully had off.

I was shaking walking away. Luckily I was meeting up with some friends later and I knew I would have fun with them. Lena and Elana were really fun to be around and I felt like I hadn’t seen then in a long time. They knew that once camp really started that I would be nonexistent and Lena decided she wanted to go out to dinner before I vanished until school started. Being teenage girls we decided to “dress up.” At that time the store American Eagle was all the rage and so I sorted through my non camp clothes and found the perfect outfit. A denim mini skirt and two tank tops layered; one white and the top one maroon and lacy. I even accessorized with a long silver necklace and silver dangly earrings. I threw on my flip flops and headed over to Elana’s house where we would decide where to go to dinner.

When I got there we finished getting ready by applying eyeliner and lip gloss and finalizing outfit choices.

“So where should we go?” Lena asked.

“Ooo, what about Red Robin? They have something for everyone there,” Elana suggested.

“No, I feel like I go to Red Robin all the time. What about Zesta Cucina?” I mused. I felt like if we were going to dress up we should go somewhere a little more exciting than Red Robin. Zesta Cucina was a local Italian restaurant where you could draw on the tables and eat yummy buttery noodles.

“Oh come on Gina, Red Robin is so good,” They both pleaded. We discussed it a little further but finally I was outnumbered and we were going to Red Robin. Of course I had told them all about the current Mongoose fiasco. I told them about his girlfriend and about how he seemed to like me and how I didn’t know what to do anymore.

“This sounds like a tough situation Gina,” Lena consoled. She was always so sweet and endearing about everything. She was gorgeous as well. Lond dark hair and perfectly tall, she had the sweetest smile, I was so glad she was my friend. We discussed Mongoose in depth on our way to the restaurant, describing what he looked like and all the little things he did. I could tell they liked him already, except for the whole Carissa part.

We pulled into a spot in the parking lot and as we were locking the doors to the car a little red Kia quickly stopped and we heard,

“I can’t believe this!!!”

The words were directed towards us and we were all a little shocked as to who could be yelling at us, I looked up and to my surprise saw Mongoose.

“Uh…wow. This is crazy. Did you just eat? Oh, uh, this is Mongoose,” I threw my words together and gave Lena and Elana the look. It said, This is him. This is Mongoose .I am going to die.

“Actually we were just about to go eat, I was just looking for a spot to park,” He responded.

I couldn’t believe this. It was too weird. Of course it wasn’t just him in the car. Carissa was sitting next to him and there were three unknown people in the backseat.

“Do you want to eat together?” Mongoose asked.

What? Was he serious? He seemed serious? He seemed completely calm about everything and it freaked me out a bit. Of course I wanted to eat with him but this was too weird. I looked to my friends for thoughts on the matter. They smiled and said they would love to. Well that sealed that deal and as he parked we walked into the restaurant.

Lena and Elana gave me glances and we whispered about the whole situation.

“He is definitely cute,” They both decided.

To make things even more interesting once we got inside I realized my entire family was also eating at Red Robin. Thankfully they were already seated and my mom knew not to impose upon my night with my friends. It was still awkward though.

There would be eight of us eating together which was an awkward number, the restaurant was busy but when we finally got a table they placed us in a booth with one chair at the head. We naturally found our spots. I took the single chair and Carissa scooted to the back of one side of the booth with Mongoose following her. Lena and Elana slid in next to Mongoose and the three others took the other side of the booth. They were Carissa’s cousin and her cousin’s boyfriend and the boyfriend’s younger brother.

Surprisingly it didn’t feel that awkward. Mongoose questioned Lena and Elana to learn more about me and we all swapped stories; mainly though, dinner felt like it included only Mongoose, Lena, Elana, and myself. We ordered food and started eating as soon as it arrived. I got my favorite teriyaki burger that had a pineapple inside. I loved it. I was never one of those “girly” eaters. I like food and I like to eat. I don’t order salad to show how delicate I am. Mongoose commented,

“Wow, you can really eat can’t you?!” He seemed surprised by my diving into my hamburger. I just smiled and chewed away.

I glanced towards Carissa who seemed completely ignored at this point. Mongoose was excitedly telling stories and entertaining my friends with his back turned to his girlfriend. She was definitely noticing. At one point he was talking about the adventures of his high school buddies and I saw Carissa put her hand on his and they intertwined fingers for a moment before Mongoose found a way to release the hold in order to emphasis and play out a part of his story. The look on her face was crushing. It might have been what I internalized but I felt awful for her. I would have been crushed if my boyfriend found a way out of holding my hand. But she smiled on and resumed talking to her cousin across the table, seemingly part of a different universe.

It felt like Mongoose’s attention was focused on me and I was fine with that. I thrived on attention and relished in the fact that it felt like he really was choosing me.

There was a moment when we locked eyes and I swear that we were the only two people in that restaurant. It was very West Side Story when Maria and Tony are at the dance hall and everyone else just blurs into oblivion. We were having our own little dinner that night. We feasted on smiles, winks, and giggles.

We ran into each other twice in one day, beyond our own doing. It wasn’t planned and it felt like more than coincidence. Something or what I would realize later, someone was pulling us together.

The drive home from the restaurant with my friends was filled with a lot of “oh my goodness!!” and “I can’t believe….” By far the funniest moment driving home was when I reminded them how weird it all was especially since I had kissed him the night before. Both Lena and Elana started screaming and Lena had to pull to the side of the rode because there was way too much chaos in that moment to be driving.

“YOU WHAT!?!” They screamed in excitement.

“I already told you we kissed,” I confusedly exclaimed. Our voices were raised very high because we were teenage girls who had just spent dinner with a very charming man and our hormones were definitely off balance.

“No. You forgot to leave that detail out,” They both cried. The pleaded for me to tell in detail what exactly had happened the night before and then we sat on the side of the road and analyzed what it all meant.

“Oh…Gina. This is tricky,” Lena thought out loud, “but he is so nice and funny.”

It was finally decided to just see how things went from there. I would be seeing him on Monday at the Fair Grounds for the 4th and I would just have to wait until then to know what was going to happen next.

Love and Hate as of Late

2011-05-02T15:47:00.000-07:00

Easter was pretty hilarious this year, it consisted of getting to see my older brother Robert and my husband being convinced to dress up as an easter bunny by my little sisters.

Egg race in the backyard

Then it got dirty. I don't remember exactly what happened but basically the hard boiled eggs started getting thrown at people and then my little brother smashed one over my little sisters head. Well that did not go over well and revenge was taken in the form of flour.

There are a lot of things that I am loving right now. Mainly the sunshine that makes for perfect spring days and the rounding of my belly. There is a certain loss of self that comes with pregnancy. Your body is not entirely your own anymore. You are harboring a precious soul who likes to kick your bladder, rib cage, stomach, etc. I remember always wanting to be pregnant. To look down and see a rountund shape and just feel beautiful creating life. Well turns out that romantic ideal is a bit of a stretch. It is hard to feel beautiful when you feel so big. I remember growing up and just being so petite and tiny. No boobs, no butt, no height. Everyone around me started developing and slowly I did too. Then I swear one day I woke up with a chest and a butt and it was hard to realize that I wasn't the stick I used to be. You change and adapt. Then I grew some more in college because of a lack of exercise and a consumption of ice cream. I didn't gain an abhorrent amount of weight but enough so that the zipper of my designer jeans broke. Ok... so it might have been a bit much...So the point of this montage of my body development is that I am going through another stage. A stage where I know that my body will be different after baby is born. So my conclusion?

I vow to always love the body that my Heavenly Father has given me. I vow that I will strive to keep it healthy in every way that I can. I will not wallow in my imperfections but strive to grow in every moment and find beauty in all things.

Ok. So getting that off my chest I am loving my pink toe nails and the fact that I found some great maternity shirts on sale at Target. I am also loving coconut popsicles and the fact that I got to go swimming on Saturday. In an outdoor pool. Oh yeah.

Things I am not loving:
1. the pain in my breasts. They are bigger, my rib cage is bigger and my bras are no longer cutting it
2. a lingering stuffy nose and cough
3. impending insufferable heat

So this past weekend we took a small family trip to Leavenworth. It is a small Bavarian town in Washington and it was a lot of fun.

They had Justin Beiber cut outs everywhere.

In the infamous Hat shop, this is my husband's little sister who insisted on being photographed a bajillion times : )

I hope you all have a wonderful week!

Love Story Part 6

2011-04-26T17:10:00.000-07:00

Even though I had tried to convince myself that I was over my crush, the reality was that I was sixteen and a sixteen year-old girl has very little grasp over her emotions. So my drive up to camp Sunday morning was filled with thoughts of the night before and questions about what this next week would be like. It was the first week of camp and I had been paired with Flip Flop. I was so excited to work with her and knew that we would have a lot of fun together.

The way camp was set up was a little different from the years before so everyone was trying to get a grasp on how to do things. This year the boy and girl cabins within the same age range were gathered for daily activities as a village. So instead of our little girls hanging out with just each other and going boating and doing arts and crafts, we were combined with a bunch of little boys and their male counselors to play with.

Things with Mongoose were a little tense at first. I remember first seeing him after all had taken place and he still wore that smile and walked around like nothing was out of the ordinary. It irked me a bit. I felt so wronged and decided that I would do my best to be civil but I certainly did not need to be nice.

That was easier said than done. I tried my best but within a day he had weaseled his way back into my heart. Did I forget about Carissa? Slightly. The way camp feels is that you are so separated from the world that it disappears. All that matters is what is there. So I was there and Mongoose was there and Carissa was….well she wasn’t there. I think a part of me thought about her from time to time when Mongoose would wink or flirt.

Maybe he had broken up with her? Surely he wouldn’t still flirt with me if he was still with her. Right?

He made me feel special. Like I was the only girl he saw. He smiled all the time but there was this smile that was solely mine. It was brighter and filled my heart. He found little ways that week to single me out and make me feel special. He would always coordinate our breaks to be at the same time. So we would watch a movie or go swimming or for a walk. Mostly this was with other counselors but he always sat by me and made my heart beat a thousand times a minute. Soon he had my watch back and I was wearing his. I think it must have been some sort claim to each other.

All week he would glance at me across the dining hall and I couldn’t help but be happy that he searched my face out in a crowd. As the middle sibling in a family of six children I grew up with severe middle child syndrome. I craved attention and Mongoose gave it in the best way. It wasn’t just that he looked for me in the room or found ways to talk to me, he really saw me. He liked my crazy antics but also just liked normal demeanor as well. He looked into my eyes when we talked which was so refreshing since the majority of high school boys did not look at eyes when they talked to a girl if you know what I mean...

That was the other thing about him, besides the previous weekend where I felt a bit “played,” he was so unlike any other high school boy I had ever met. You know how high school boys feel the need to be so dominant and masculine, they act a certain way and walk a certain walk. Mongoose was so self-assured. He didn’t need any manly rules to tell him how to act. If he wanted to bleach his hair blonde and wear yellow board shorts with wrestling shoes he would. He treated all of the girls at camp with respect too. He was sincerely kind and friendly and was just overall so happy.

All of this combined into me forgetting about his past indiscretion and giving him another chance. The reality of it all was that I was head over heels and your mind doesn’t really work with logic when something stronger controls your heart.
The week with my cabin went well. We only had four girls but they were a blast. We performed a lip sync to Spice Girls and danced in our cabin to our hearts content. I loved worked up at camp with them and the week finished perfectly with our cabin winning the all-camp activity. That night after all the kids had been picked up and camp was cleaned up, we all had to decide what the weekend plans would be. Monday was the fourth of July so we had a long weekend. It was 10pm though, and most of us did not want to make the trek late at night back into town. Our boss let us stay up at camp during the weekend and so a large group of us decided to have a slumber party in the staff room.

Of course Mongoose and I happened to find our sleeping bags strategically placed next to each other and we all fell asleep watching some movie. Then someone who was still awake put in another movie. Then it was 5am and I woke up and there was no movie on. I was lying on my side with my back to Mongoose and he had placed one arm around my waist. It was so comfortable being in his arms and my heart started beating as I realized that he was awake. I could feel his heart and feel his gentle urges to turn me around. He wanted to kiss me.

I debated internally for what seemed like an hour. Do I roll over? What will happen? Will he kiss me? What about Carissa? But he has been so great all week. I really want to kiss him. Should I roll over?

Well you can bet that eventually his persistent tugs at my sleeping bag resulted in what felt like a brash decision to roll over.

As soon as I was on my other side I felt the warmth of his breath and the nudge of his nose. I succumbed to all the sense in my head that told me to resist and I let go. I let go of the whole world around me as he gently kissed me. My body seemed to buzz with the energy of young love and I was so supremely happy to be kissing him. He was a good kisser. I imagine if I was standing I would have gone weak in the knees, but I was lying down and as our first kiss went on I felt the energy of the week take its toll. I was tired, really tired. Plus, all that pent up emotion was finally released and I was exhausted.

Love Story Part 5

2011-04-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

So Kyle is actually writing this story from his point of view. Let me know if you want me to post it. It's pretty entertaining getting both sides of the stories and makes him seem like less of a player.

The sun seemed to shine right into my eyes. I shaded them to make certain I was seeing things correctly.

Yep. That was his hand in hers. Hers in his. She gave me a friendly smile and I was instantly annoyed. What in the world is going on? Who is this girl? Has he been dating her this whole time? Did I imagine that he held my hand last night?

We walked inside the stadium and found a couple of rows of loud metal bleechers. I continued to glance in their direction hoping that the hand holding would cease. But now it was worse. Now they were sitting cuddled up, side by side in the late June sun. She would even occasionally rest her head on his shoulder, it made me want to punch her.

I made a point to sit in front of them slightly so that I didn't have to have the awful visual burned into my mind any more than it was. Twilight was sitting next to me and had given me concerned looks throughout this event. It was pretty much known at camp that Mongoose and I were becoming a "thing." Basically we flirted so much and so openly that everyone assumed we would eventually become an item. Well, now it didn't seem like that would happen.

"Hey, why don't we go get a snack!" Twilight asked.
I was glad for an escape to talk. As soon as we were out of hearing distance she started to spill what she had been told by Potato, who also happened to be a best friend to this girl Carissa.
"Ok. Wow, I can't believe this, " she started, " but turns out that he has sorta been dating her this whole time. Potato told me that they just started dating right before school got out and then he left for camp, but I can't believe that he brought her here, especially knowing you would be here."

"Ugghhhhh," I moaned,"I hate this kind of stuff. Who the heck does he think I am? Some girl he can woo and then blow off the next day? No way. I have no idea what he was thinking this week but I am out. I cannot stand guys like that." I finished my resolution by deciding that he would no longer fool this girl. Conversation with him would be at a minimum. Curt nods and quick remarks. I was pro at being mad and letting people feel the guilt of their actions. He was really going to get it.

We got some candy and headed back up to the group. Getting closer I could see that Mongoose was looking at me and trying to flash me that smile. This time it only fueled the fire of bitterness. Who did he think he was trying to worm his way out of this? Hold my hand one night and another girls the next. I don't think so pal.

"Mongoose, I need my watch back." I assertively stated. I was all business.
"What? I love this yellow watch, come on now...you don't really mean that." He tried to play off the fact that I was clearly upset with him. There was no way I was budging. If he was going to hold hands with this girl, it wasn't going to be with my watch.
"I need it back please."
"Uh..." he fumbled for what to do, "I guess it's yours so..." He took of the watch and I gave his periwinkle one back, making sure to make one more jab of my dagger,

"I guess you will just have to deal with your girl watch."

"Ouch," our group of friends noted. They knew exactly what was going on and it seemed like I had the majority on my side. Carissa, the innocent bystander looked a little confused but was still smiling happily. I would be smiling happily too if I was holding his hand... Ugh. I hate him, remember.

The rest of the night I decided to return to my initial focus crush, Smalls. He was still cute, and served as a nice jealousy making toy. My initial flirtation device,

"Hey Smalls, let's trade watches." I tried to convince him that he wanted my yellow watch and his black and silver one would be a better fit for me. We even tried them on, but it just didn't seem right and he probably knew what I was trying to do. We ended up keeping our own watches. But I still stole his hat and decided to just have fun with the girls.

After the baseball game we decided to go bowling. My mission for the rest of the night was to make Mongoose miserable with what he was missing. I flirted with all the guys and acted as crazy and goofy as humanly possible. At one point I got a strike and because my crazy level was already pretty high I reacted like a complete lunatic. I jumped and kicked and screamed and high-fived everyone around me. Everyone thought it was pretty funny and I loved feeling that rush of energy that craziness can bring.

Carissa was sitting on Mongoose's lap and it was obvious that he was not giving her up. So I finished my antics of attempting to make him sorry, or jealous, or whatever I was trying to do. I decided that a guy like that wasn't worth my time anyway. I went home that night content with what had taken place. I didn't wish he was mine anymore because I didn't want a guy who didn't even know what he wanted.

Lately

2011-04-12T09:49:00.000-07:00

My daily life is increasingly more uncomfortable but I am treasuring these moments because I. am all about the "pain before joy" philosophy. It has proven tried and true over and over again. So with each uncomfortable night of sleep, when I wake up to a sore ear because sleeping on one specific side is the only way I can sleep at all I silently moan and then feel the baby kick and I forget all about it.

It is rather strange to feel a baby move inside you. It's uncontrollable and spastic and you kinda feel like an alien invaded you. Nope, it's just your baby. It's pretty reassuring for a paranoid person like me.

So here is the closest to a belly pic that I can muster lately. I try, but I can't seem to get the model pose right yet....

I had to take the glucose test this past week. I was all gung-ho at first even though a lady in the waiting room said, "I hated that test. It was awful. Blah, blah blah...." Why do people do that? Oh hi? I want to fill your head with horrible ideas... It's ok though. Because even though it stopped tasting like melted orange otter pops after the first minute I still finished it in under four minutes. I was very glad I had eaten something salty right before though...

If you are from Yakima, you know Rons. Rons has the best soft serve ice cream. I don't know if it's actually the best but they stack those cones high and you can get strawberry! WITH SPRINKLES! So I might have gone there twice in the past week but soft serve just seems so right when you start developing the waddle.

I did manage to fit in some exercise via swing dancing this weekend. This is what makes me love Yakima. A local high school jazz band has a swing dancing fundraiser! It was great! Kyle was shocked that I lasted as long as I did, but there is something about swing that gets you up off your feet and bouncing around. I did get a few stares from some grandmas. They were friendly though, I think they just thought it was funny that a pregnant lady was bouncing around. I'm pretty sure baby was confused though....

All in all, the "pain" part is pretty easy right now. It helps when the sun is shining and I can wear flip flops .

Love Story Part 4

2011-04-07T09:01:00.000-07:00

I was all sorts of nervous around Mongoose now. He would flash a smile and I swear my knees would buckle and I would be flat on my face. I would act even more strange than usual which most people assumed was just my personality: Gidget, the strange.

One afternoon a group of counselors had congregated near Arts and Crafts chatting and waiting for our next assignment which probably entailed boating. Suddenly I smelt the most unique smell. I started sniffing the air, it was tropical but strangely so. It seemed extremely unnatural for the dirt, pine tree, lake environment we were inhabiting.

"What in the world is that smell?" I finally questioned outloud.
"It's my chapstick," Mongoose quickly quipped back.

My strange behavior took hold and I rushed up to smell his lips to confirm if it was indeed his chapstick as he claimed. Why did I feel this was necessary? I have no idea. But my nose was millimeters away from his lips and I remember seeing the shock and astonishment on all the faces around me.

I turned beet red and rushed away. Everyone laughed about how forward I was and how I should have just kissed him if I wanted to. I couldn't believe that I had done that but Mongoose took it in stride and seemed to enjoy the moment. I couldn't get over how silly I had been but everyone seemed to forget my strange behavior of the day.

Later we would get assignments for the staff campout. There would be three separate groups going to three separate places. My heart started pounding. What if I wasn't in Mongoose's group? I instantly decided that the campout would be horrible if that was the case and I prayed that some miracle would occur. Well apparently our flirtations were obvious to everyone including our boss and so of course I was not placed in Mongoose's group. I was sad and bitter and thought about him the entire time. What was doing? What cheesy joke was he telling? I wished I could be around that smile, underneath the moon, with the glow of a fire... I had it bad.
Thankfully the campout was only one night away from him and then I would get to see him again.

It was Friday which was our last day of staff training and Potato finally arrived. Potato had worked the summer before and is probably the most well-liked person I have ever met. She is spontaneous, a little flighty, but extremely enjoyable to be around. Everyone was excited when she showed up after finishing cheer camp. She was nothing but fun. She was also the reason Mongoose was at camp. They went to high school together and I learned that they had also dated for approximately a week, but they were friends.

We all decided to have a slumber party for our last night and Potato and Mongoose explained how he had wound up at camp.
"Man, that manager was crazy," Mongoose explained how he had lifeguarded the two previous summers and could no longer stand who was in charge.
"So I overheard him in the lunch line talking about how he hadn't found a job for the summer yet and I knew he would have fun at camp!" Potato explained.
"I figured I didn't really have any other options and when Tejas decided to apply as well I knew it would be a fun summer." He continued to tell me about how he and Potato dated and how awkward it had been.

Potato kept smiling at me knowingly during this discussion and I knew that she knew. Was it that bad? Was my crush completely obvious. Either way she seemed to encourage the match and helped make it possible that I slumbered right next to Mongoose. We set up our sleeping bags and Mongoose teasingly stole mine. So I stole his. Then he decided that he liked my yellow watch better than his periwinkle one so we switched. Then we went to sleep.

Well more like I lay in my sleeping bag with my heart pounding. I was on my side with my hand extended out in front of me a little. It was dark, and quiet and suddenly his hand was in mine. I couldn't think. His deliberate physical touch was too much for my body to handle. So I lay awake as he silently stroked my hand, interwove our fingers, and played with my heart. It slowly lulled to stop and his hand was in my clammy one. Should I move? Do I stay like this? I didn't know the rules. Suddenly his body convulsed and I had a heart attack. Did he have seizures in his sleep? Is he okay? Nope, just twitches. Either way I was on edge and it took a long time that night to fall asleep.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The morning seemed to reflect my attitude. It was bright and crisp and I felt full of energy. I remember being so excited about what was ahead. This boy held all sorts of possibilities and I could physically feel that I was on the verge of pure and utter happiness. We all finished getting ready in the morning and carpooled back to civilization. The sun rose in the sky as did the temperature, but we were young and full of life and we blasted Fall Out Boy singing at the top of our lungs as we coasted down to the valley. We all got dropped off at our respective locations and promised to call each other later that day.

We had tickets to the local baseball game and decided it would be great if the entire staff went together. At home I washed laundry and prepped for meeting up at the stadium. I was giddy as I tried on the perfect outfit. It was still too cold for shorts at night, so I opted for my favorite pair of Lucky jeans a tank top and a light zip-up sweatshirt. Cute and casual. I was never much of a primper so I kept my hair curly and applied my obligatory coat of mascara and some blush. I was still wearing his watch. I had teased him about it extensively because he claimed it was blue and it was clearly periwinkle. Not that guys notice shades of color, but it wasn't the manliest watch. I was glad he had my yellow watch that I had just bought a week earlier for camp. It was like we had a little piece of each other.

I drove to the baseball game and was early. Of course. I had this thing about being on time. I like being early. In a family with six children my parents were constantly late to every activity and function imaginable. I always hated coming after the party had started. I liked to prepare and observe and plan. I hated being off guard. So I called Potato to get her whereabouts. She told me that a couple of her friends were also coming to the game. Great. I had no problem with other people. They were close so I waited in my car for everyone else to show up. Potato parked beside me and I hopped out of the car.

The sun was making that warm fuzzy glow right before it starts to set, when everything around you turns to gold and you start to feel the slightest chill if there is a breeze. I asked where everyone else was. Just then Mongoose pulled up in his zippy red Kia. My heart started to patter. I smiled at him as he got out of the car. There was a girl in the passenger seat but I didn't take any notice of her until I realized that once she got out of the car, she was holding his hand.

Love Story Part 3

2011-03-23T09:41:00.000-07:00

I woke up in the morning completely stuffed up. That is what happens when you are jammed into a room with fifteen other girls and someone turns the heat WAY up. The condensation on the windows was starting to clear as someone decided to air out the room. I lay in bed for a moment thinking about Mongoose. I imagined the way he looked at me the night before. It was different, I had never had a boy look at me with such....what was it exactly? It was like he could actually see me.

He wasn't like Tyler. Tyler. Uh oh. I was technically still dating him, I was also supposed to have called him every night. He was expecting it. I felt a little bad and decided I would do it when I had some free time later that day.

The day went by in a blur and any thoughts of Mongoose were interrupted by how to handle homesickness and how to sing "I'm getting eaten by a boa constrictor." There wasn't much time for romance, not until we had a break. It was sunny and warm out and like foolish youth we decided to swim in the lake. Well, the boys swam showing off who could go farthest and fastest. The girls layed out in bikinis and soaked in the sun. Occasionally a boy would dare a girl to jump in the freezing lake. It was one of those happy moments in life where you think about nothing but the sun. Well the sun and boys. Mongoose was of course showing off in the water and at one point had jumped in the lake only to discover the large rock that everyone was warned about. He scraped his foot pretty badly but managed to survive.

I was keeping my eye on him. He was a flirtatious boy that was for sure. Doubts began sinking in as I watched him throw Waffles in the lake. She was pretty, naturally blonde, and loved to laugh. She was also older than him but he seemed to like her and she seemed to like his attention. There was also Kennedy. She was your typical girl-next-door. A little shy, but very sweet and pretty. He flirted with her also. Doubts dissolved however, because my towel was right next to his. He came back from a race to the floating dock to rest. He lay down next to me and smiled. I was shielding my eyes from the sun, I had forgotten my sunglasses.

" Need some help?"
"Huh?," I was startled from my thoughts.
"Here, I can block the sun from your eyes for you." He stated. It didn't seem like much, but I was in heaven. He was showing extra attention to me and even blocking the sun from my delicate eyes. How chivalrous right?

We chatted a little and then he decided I needed to get in the lake. It was cold, there was no way I was going in. But like any sixteen-year-old girl, she thrives on this type of flirting. When the boy has his arms around you and you are struggling and giggling trying to break free, shrieking at the very thought of the ice cold water.

Splash.

I was in, but I had pulled him in with him. He smiled and splashed me in the water for a moment before we both realized it was ridiculously cold. I pulled myself out and wrapped up in a towel. I shivered on the dock and after Mongoose warmed himself up, he took every effort to rub my back in attempts to amend him throwing me in.

Everything was working out perfectly.

The next day I was assigned to help create some blindfolds. We stripped the heavyweight cotton fabric that covered some old mattresses and used some heavy duty scissors to cut. We finished our task and were talking when I decided to play around with the scissors. Who plays around with heavy duty scissors I have no idea? But I underestimated their power and eventually I managed to practically chop off the top of one of my fingers. I was bleeding. Pretty badly. I ran to the first-aid kitchen to see what I could do.

I stepped into the room to discover Mongoose sitting on the counter pouring something onto the cut in his foot he had received from the lake the day before. He winced a little and then smiled when he saw me. My heart skipped a beat as I casually walked to the first-aid cupboard next to him. A brown paper towel was wrapped around my finger as I clumsily tried to find something to fix my finger.

"Here, let me help. I'm trained in first aid." He goofily remarked. We all were. We had to be to work up at camp. But of course I let him take over. Partly because I really had no idea how to bandage my finger and partly because I really wanted him to bandage it for me.
"Sit up on the counter, I need to examine this." I hopped up on the counter and he unwrapped my finger.
"WOW! This is a real cut! How did you manage this?"
I explained my stupidity in playing with the heavy duty scissors. Turns out I had cut about a half an inch into the top of my left ring finger. It flapped open like jewlery box to expose the pinks and reds of my hand. Mongoose grabbed the bottle he had been using before.
"What is that?" I questioned.
"Well, this is hydrogen peroxide. We need to clean out your finger first to get rid of any bacteria that might cause infection. It kinda stings but it makes sure your wound it clean."
"No way. I saw your face when you were pouring it on your cut, I do not want that stuff."
"Come on, I'll do it and you can just scream away," He flashed that smile and I melted.
He held my hand over the sink and poured away.
"Ow. OW. OWWWWW!" I jumped off the counter and started contorting in a strange dance to attempt to relieve the painful sensation of tiny bubbles attacking your finger. He laughed and told me I could rinse it out.
I sighed in relief and he told me to sit back on the counter so he could dress the wound.
I hopped up and waited as he sorted through the cabinet. He seemed to know his stuff. He wasn't just some blonde jock, he was kinda smart. And nice. And cute. And...my thoughts stopped as he took my finger in his hand and started wrapped a piece of gauze around it.

He looked up into my eyes.
His eyes were blue, and so crisp.
I gulped. He continued to bandage my finger slowly.
Everything seemed so slow.
It was like time was frozen and in we were the only two people who existed in the entire world.
My whole body started to feel really funny. It started to buzz. It was an electricty that I will never forget. I was possessed by some other energy besides my own. My mind was blank except for the sound of my pounding heart. This moment went on forever.
He seemed to notice it too. Our eyes had not separated and his expression no longer a smile but a look of surprise.
He had felt it too, that buzzing. That electricity.
I thought he might kiss me, but he didn't. The moment was too intense for that, although a kiss would have been perfectly fine with me.

It was like our souls connected and saw each other. Whatever it was, the moment had to end eventually. He strangely muttered, "There ya go," and I equally as strangely replied with a quick, "Thanks." He cleaned up the kitchen and I wandered outside in daze.

I felt like I had just gotten in a car accident. You know the feeling? After it happens and your body is totally charged with adrenaline and you realize the rest of the world was still moving while you got jerked by a seat belt. Your body shivers to regain control, your mind alternatly races and is completely serene. You move thinking, "Did that just happen?" and you can't believe it because it all just seems too surreal.

That was what it was like walking out of that kitchen. I think however the strangest moment was when I looked down at my finger and realized it was my left ring finger. My LEFT RING finger. The finger that someone someday will hold as they slip a diamond onto after they have asked the infamous question, "Will you marry me?"

Love Story Part 2

2011-03-16T17:55:00.000-07:00

After breakfast we all headed outdoors to play some get-to-know-you icebreakers. It was all good and fun but mostly I remember being distracted with the thought, this summer is going to rock! Everything was already on my side. I was at my favorite place, surrounded by energetic people, and the sun was shining.

Not everyone had shown up yet and I was eager to see who the rest of the staff would be. It is interesting to meet a people when you know you will be stuck with them in the mountains for practically 9 weeks straight. It changes perceptions a bit. Well a new male head counselor arrived right after lunch and I am pretty sure most of the girls had the same reaction I did.

Hi.

We all got a little bit giggly which girls are wont to do up in the mountains when they know they will be stuck with a cute boy for 9 weeks. He was the brother of a returning counselor, Lyndall (normally Amy), who has been described as mother theresa. She is an extremely kind, likable person. She often plays mother as well to all of the younger staff. Well, we were all pretty excited to meet her brother. I decided right then and there that this was my guy. He was the guy that I had always imagined dating. So I set out on my most flirtatious behavior.

Lyndall's brother Joe, gained the name Smalls and he headed out with his fellow male head counselors Tejas (typical high school boy) and Mongoose (beach blonde intriguing jock) to play some basketball.Us girls instictively followed to watch and cheer and...flirt. While walking to the basketball court Twiggy explained to me that she knew Tejas and Mongoose. She gave me low down.

They had just graduated high school and were off to college at Central Washington University. Tejas was a ladies man and Mongoose, well Mongoose was an egotistical jerk. He thought he was so smart, so funny, and so athletic. She told me that he was good at track but was awful at basketball. She was mainly coming to watch him be awful at playing basketball. She seemed to get a lot of joy out of the fact that he would be so bad. Well it was nice to get some inside scoop on the boy with yellow hair but really I was there for Smalls.

Now I am not your typical flirt. It's not because I have a better method or anything, I just don't really know how to do it without being obnoxious. To me, flirting is yelling and screaming and drawing as much attention to myself as possible. So my plan for flirting with Smalls? To focus my attention on another boy in attempts to get him to notice how witty and fun I am. This entailed me pointing out that everything single thing Mongoose did during his basketball game was track related. It mostly sounded like this, "Wow! That was a track shot," "Did you see that track hop?" "Look a track dribble." Obnoxious right?

Did it grab their attention? Yes.

So for their entire game I continued to focus on Mongoose. At first he thought it was cute and funny and then he got kinda annoyed. I didn't really care though because Smalls was laughing and I had accomplished in my mind what I set out to do. I was cute and funny and a little bit daring.

Even though I was seemingly directing my flirtation at Smalls. I caught Mongoose's attention. After the game he came up to me and told me I was a little bit crazy. I looked at him and told him, "You are crazier." He quipped back, "Well, you are crazy on a stick!" and my heart skipped a beat. His smile. That smile. It moved something inside of me that I didn't even recognize at the time. But after that night my crush shifted from dream guy to smiles.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day was filled with paperwork, some more games, and summer plans. Counselors were packed in a staff room with three couches, four comfy chairs, and a carpet. Seat position meant everything. Of course I wanted to sit next to Mongoose at this point but it wasn't always easy. Turns out he had grabbed the attention of other girls. But I wasn't too anxious because there were plenty of new people to get to know.

Dinner that night turned into a game of sorts. Our boss challenged us to get out of our comfort zones and sit with someone new. He told us that the person we sat across from we needed to find out at least three things: favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, and something that no one else in the room knows about them. He included that question because many people had grown up with each other or knew each other pretty well. He told us to get up and find someone to sit by. I decided not to move, I hate situations like that where you are hoping for a particular person and you end up with the person no one else wants to be paired up with. So I opted out and let others choose for me.

A flash a blonde crossed my eyes. Mongoose was sitting across from me.

I smiled. He told me he had wanted to get to know me better after my performance the night before. We started chatting and I learned that his father had pushed him off a dock into open water when he was 6 years old to learn how to swim. Mongoose didn't necessarily enjoy swimming because of this but had been a lifeguard the previous two summers. I told him my favorite movie was The Little Mermaid, because I couldn't think of anything else. Then came him asking about what no one else knew about me. I scanned my thoughts and blurted out,

"I wasn't kissed until I was sixteen. Which was this last winter when I had my first boyfriend."

I immediately regretted what I had said. I mean it was a serious case of word vomit and I have no idea why I chose that bit of information. I guess I thought that he would be impressed with my lack of dating experience? Maybe I was going for the innocent flower approach? Well whatever reason his expression was priceless.

He smiled, realizing that I was extremely unaccustomed to the art of flirtation, and seemed to think it was adorable. I figured he was surprised, I mean most people I knew had received their first kiss at age twelve or thirteen. I was a late bloomer and was apparently proud of it. He liked it though. I could tell. Even so, I turned bright red and mumbled something to the effect of,
"Gosh, that was a silly thing to say. Let's try for something not SO personal. Um.....I used to own a cow. Well, a bull technically. His name was Spritlee Boo. He was all white. Get it? Sprite and a ghost...."

Oh boy, it seems that at this point I was already a goner. Clueless to the intensity of my crush. I blame it on his smile. It makes a girl do silly things.

Love Story Part 1

2011-03-08T09:50:00.000-08:00

So last week I read the Pioneer Woman's book about how she and her husband met and fell in love. It got me thinking about the story with my own husband. How we met and managed to make everything work. I mean we have only been married for a little under two years now but our story has twists and turns and most people know the glazed over version (which coming from me seem unnecessarily long...) but there are smaller details that I want to freeze in time. So I am going to write our story. One post at a time. Starting....now:

The familiar road was building up the excitment and nervousness I always felt. I was heading up to Camp Dudley, my favorite place in the whole universe. After attending it since I was ten, I was finally able to work there myself. I was ecstatic. I had just gotten my drivers license a week earlier and was putting along in my Great-grandmother's 1986 baby blue Honda Civic. It didn't have auto steering. Have you ever driven a car without auto-steering? It's hard. But there I was, heading towards what I already felt was going to be the best summer of my life.

I turned up the stereo singing along to Jason Mraz. My mind couldn't stop racing. I thought about Tyler, the boy I was leaving behind for the summer. We were still dating and he had even bought a long distance phone card to call me because cell phones don't get reception up there and for some reason I thought it was long distance. We had been dating since winter. He was a nice boy, red hair and tall. He drove a silver mustang and tried his best to figure me out. I think I tried to make myself a little too complicated for him. I didn't really know how relationships were supposed to work. He was technically my first boyfriend (in the official you tell people you are dating sense of the word) and I had started dating him because I was sixteen and had only held hands with another guy.

I was a late bloomer when it came to these things. Not that I wasn't interested or anything. Heck, when I was a freshman in I tried to ask my crush out to tolo before this other girl in class. He rejected me. I did look like I was eight years old. Seriously, students and teachers would stop me the first week and ask me if I was at the wrong school, "Excuse me, I think you mean to be at the middle school across the street..." So no guys were really interested in someone who looked like a little girl. Finally I hit puberty and hoped things were looking up. Nope. At that point all the guys had realized I am not a timid little girl. In fact I am what most people would find obnoxious. I am loud. Outspoken. I don't take crap from guys. Turns out most high school boys don't like a girl who is confident.

So I started hanging out with some people from outside my high school. He was a friend of some friends and after I had told him not drive so fast or throw his empty cup out the window of his moving car, I had taken his notice. He was cute, and I liked that he liked me. He was patient with me, slowly working on giving me my first kiss. He was nice. He starting pushing things a little too far though and I was thankful to be going up to the mountains so I didn't have to feel that pressure for awhile.

I was following my mother in her big red suburban. She didn't want me driving up the mountain by myself. I was a little annoyed...But followed her glacial pace through the twists, turns, and tunnel of Highway 12. My heart started beating faster and my hands started getting clammy as we turned down the road to my future. This always happened. You never knew what would happen at camp. It's slogan, "the experience of a lifetime!" held that promise that whatever happened was going to be good. Soooo sooo good.

I started thinking about boys. I was sixteen after all. I wondered if any would be cute. I wondered if I could get a new boyfriend. I was kinda over Tyler for awhile. I didn't know how to break it off though. Running away to the woods seemed like an easy solution for the time being.

I pulled into the gravel parking lot. I left my things in the car and said goodbye to my mother and baby sister. I started walking to Harvey Hunt Hall, the mess hall for the first breakfast of the summer. The cook hadn't arrived so it was just cereal, muffins, and fruit. I took in the smell of dirt and pine and fresh air as I walked towards the building. I nervously opened the door and remembered the familiar sounds. Harvey Hunt always echoed. Sounds seemed to expand in this space. I glanced around, hoping to see a familiar face from the summer before. Twilight, a counselor from the previous year happily smiled and waved me over. I ran to her and we hugged,
" I am so excited you are working here this summer!" She exclaimed.
"I know I can't wait, you should have seen my when I got the call that I was hired," I then told her about running through my house in a strange sort of gallop-skip shrieking. I of course gave her a visual of the exact movement and sound.
She and the other coworkers laughed and I then went to go grab a muffin.

I should explain her name. Her name isn't really Twilight (this was also long before the vampire craze), it is a camp name. All counselors are given or choose a name for their time working at camp. Once you decide on a name, you can't change it and that is what everyone calls you the entire summer. It's fun. My name is Gidget. Which I got from a 1960s Sandra Dee movie about a puny girl with spunk.

As I went to grab my muffin two boys walked past. One had short dark hair and was wearing the uniform of highschool boys at the time. Hollister this, American Eagle that, a little of Abercrombie thrown in there with some nike shoes. Boring. I thought. The second guy...well he definitely stood out. His hair matched the color of his yellow Hawaiian board shorts. It was clearly bleached. It was very bright. But so was his smile, which he flashed as he walked by. What shoes are those? I thought as I examined his wrestling sneakers, which I had never seen before. He definitely was not my type. I listened in on his conversation at the other table. He seemed a little cocky. He laughed at his own jokes and I decided right then and there that he was probably a jock in high school. The jocks in my high school were jerks, they also weren't very school savvy which is one thing I looked down on.

Welp, no guys so far, I thought, But not everyone is here yet...so there is still hope right? I desperately wanted to fall in love at camp. It was a weird dream of mine. As I caught up with friends and counselors from the previous summer I couldn't help but continue to glance towards this boy with the yellow hair...there was something about him....

What kind of mother are you?

2011-03-01T19:18:00.001-08:00

I keep thinking about what kind of mother I will be. I have images in my head of good and bad moments. Of joys and regrets.

As I approach the reality of a child I have become more and more aware of my weaknesses as a caregiver. I lack motivation to clean, I sleep in, I am impatient, I get grumpy and snap, I lack understanding, I often think children understand more than they do, the list goes on and on.

I know that these feelings are completely normal. But still I keep imagining my child going off to college and meeting new roomates and their new friends asking, "what is your family like?"

I want good things to be said. I want my child to get a great big smile and think about all the wonderful memories he/she had with their mother. Eating popsicles on warm summer days, coming home from school to find a new book on the bed, hiking through shaded forests and through cold streams to a natural waterslide found only because we dared go further, laughing over lasagna, lessons about the world during carpool.

These are the memories of my mother. I feel blessed that I have so many positive references to look back on. I have a wealth of experiences that I can draw from and give to my own children.

But I want to teach my kids some other things that I now know. I want to teach them about faith. I want to teach them about the beauty of the atonement. I want to teach them about love, compassion, and understanding (even though I sorely lack). I want to teach them that through diligence and hard work they can achieve greatness. I want them to have memories of lullabyes and bedtime stories. I want them to remember reading the scriptures with their mother and being asked, "what do you think about that?"

I want to teach them to think. I want to teach them to learn. I want to teach them to follow and to lead.

My heart, mind, and spirit swell with the enormous challenge ahead of me. Currently my life is mostly my own. There is a song on the Christian radio station that I have loved recently. It is about getting married and I think the lyrics fit really nicely into how I ultimately feel about family.

But to lose your life for another I've heard
Is a good place to begin
'cause the only way to find your life
is to lay your own life down
and I believe it's an easy price
for the life that we have found

Poignant right? Each time I hear it I think, that is sooooo true. The Savior taught us that. He set an example by sacrificing His own life for our good. Sometimes I hear, "but we aren't required to do what He did," not in the huge magnificent way, no. But we are asked to sacrifice our lives for OUR individual families (He did it for the entire family of the world) and even for those who become like family.

I want so badly not to be a selfish mother. I think there is nothing more destructive. Of course we all have selfish desires, but ultimately I pray that my strengths will outweigh that weakness.

My thoughts could go on and on and on and pretty much I would say the same thing over and over again. My writing is like that.

So when I think about the title question I hope to answer, "I am a colorful mother. I show my children the reds, blues, yellows, pinks, whites, and blacks of life. I show them I am not perfect, that I have dark bad days. But mostly I try to fill them with sunshine. I want them to leave my home bursting with light and sharing with everyone around them. I am an explainer. I am a teacher. I am a real mother, with optimistic visions."

Pregnancy aches, joys, and "plans"

2011-02-11T16:15:00.000-08:00

About two years ago I took a class called "pyschobiology of women." Basically this class what about female biology and the psychology that sometimes goes with it.

I absolutely LOVED this class. When you take biology classes and learn about the human body, really you are learning about the male body. Male is often the standard becuase they aren't on a cycle like us and if something changes for them it usually signifies a health issue. For women on the other hand, well we are cyclical. Our hormones change every month and so we are a little harder to track and learn about.

So often they just don't teach us about our bodies. So I was very glad to learn. I was amazed at what I did and didn't know. This class has really informed a lot of my views on pregnancy, labor, and life.

It helped when we were trying to concieve (if you really want to know email me: maxwell.virginia@gmail.com). But mostly I feel that it gifted me with a realistic and beautiful view of pregnancy and childbirth.

But you never really know until you are there right? I have been having to watch my iron intake because I am borderline anemic. Basically the symptoms are the same as pregnancy but boy oh boy. I am tired. Every now and then I get that so called, second trimester energy but really my body just wants to sleep. Constantly. I am short of breath (baby pushes on diaphragm) and just plain sore. Turns out stretching skin and muscle is like when you stretch your muscles. But it's a constant stretch. No 30 seconds here. All day baby!

But pregnancy has been happy. My heart flutters when I feel the flutter in my abdomen. I can't get enough of looking down and seeing my belly protrude. It really is a beautiful thing to create life, to feel and watch it in motion. I feel very blessed. Plus I love that I don't feel awful for wanting specific foods. Smoothie? No problem. Pho? Heck yes. Chocolate? Don't mind if I do.

I have been asked by numerous people if I know the gender, that doesn't come until next week. But the reality is we are not going to find out. I get a lot of stares and "really?!?" I have a couple of reasons behind this, mostly selfish and prideful.

1. I don't really want a plethora of baby clothes at my baby shower
2. I want to align myself with all the women of ancient history. They didn't know. I want to know what that feeling is like.
3. In women studies we talked a lot about how gender stereotypes start before a baby is born and although I think a lot of gender stereotypes are based on divine gender qualities, I still don't want to bombard my girl with pink and princess or my boy with blue and transportation options.
4. My real reason is one that was explained to me by my mother who didn't find out any of the genders for us 6 kids. She said that not knowing helped her in those final moments of labor when she just wanted to quit. She would give up in despair and then think, "but I want to know the gender!" I can totally see my mind working like that. Not completely logical but I want everything in my favor for that day : )

Which brings me to labor. In taking this class I had to do a research paper about the medicalization of women. My focus was on labor. I was fascinated by the statistics and research done. I had grown up believing that birth was a natural beautiful thing. The feelings I get from many women is that of fear of birth. A fear of the pain that is taken to a point where they often seem to distrust what their bodies were meant and created to do. Now I am a believer in modern medicine and I realize that not everyone can perform a natural birth. Cesearean sections are a blessing and have saved many lives. But I dislike that so many births end up in cesearean when it is not necessary, or could have been prevented.

Really I think it is about knowledge. I feel grateful that I had the opportunity to take a class and learn about the science behind this. The beauty of our bodies and the strength that lies within.

So yes my "plan" for labor is have it all natural but within a hospital. I say "plan" because I don't want to set myself up and be upset if it doesn't turn out how I imagined. Sometimes emergencies happen, but I do want to place myself in the hands of a person I trust, who has my best interest at heart. My best interest includes my health and my desires for birth. I want them to support me in my decision to attempt it naturally and let my body feel the pain and joy of birth.

So those are my plans. I am excited for this journey ahead. I hope that no one reading this takes any offense. Really this is just what I have decided for myself, but I do encourage all to study it out for themselves and look at the language that surrounds our childbirth culture. I know that it doesn't have to be scary, yes I fear the pain but I am ready to embrace it as well. Because I know, that in the end the joy will be greater than any pain endured.

To Spokane....

2011-02-07T19:57:00.001-08:00

We are moving to Spokane. Kyle was chosen as an alternate for University of Utah and after having a heart to heart, we were led to know where we were supposed to be.

It was not an easy decision. It came with tears on my part, I really wanted to move and I had a little bit of pride issues regarding school names.

But the truth is, none of that really matters. Kyle will get the same education, we will save an enormous amount of money (yay for not feeding our child top ramen!), and we will have the chance to be close to family.

School won't start until September so we have some time off after Kyle finishes at UW. After talking to my mother we are excited to announce a 5 month hiatus in Yakima. Our child will be born in the same city I was. We will be able to have the immediate support of our family and we realized what a blessing and joy that will be.

I am so excited. Kyle and I went to bed with an extreme feeling of peace. A feeling of knowing the direction our Heavenly Father has for us and that we are going where He wants us to go.

Bumping along.

2011-01-31T20:53:00.000-08:00

Today was a great day.

The sun came out and fueled my spirit. Seriously, I got so much done today and had a much better attitude than usual. I decided to make a list of what I absolutely needed to do today. Nothing was going to stop me. Not a books. Not a nap. Want my list?

-Study scriptures
-Do laundry
-Clean room
-Go for a walk

I DID IT ALL!

Ok, so not a super grand list. But as you can see from my picture that scripture study was way rad. I got home from a lovely day at work basking in the joy of a child's imagination.

I decided I needed to take advantage of the sun while it was out. I thought, I could go for a walk? But I knew that I needed to study my scriptures first thing when I got home otherwise I would not devote the time they deserved. What to do?

COMBINE THE TWO!

I felt so fulfilled walking with my blankets and scriptures to the park to set up a lovely scripture study session. Seriously there were birds tweeting and children laughing. It was great.

...and guess what else? I started some laundry before I left. I was doing three things at once!

So it was a good day.

A good day is a day where you feel your baby kicking and know without a doubt that it is the baby and not your heartbeat or your intestines....

A good day is finding out that Seattle brought back the Oldies station and the first song you excitedly wait for after the ads is "Let's get it on" Seriously. I had to laugh.

A good day is diving into a good book, the scriptures, and some homemade beef stew.

A good day is fresh laundry, a clean floor, and sun on your skin.

So I am bumping along and taking what the day gives me, especially a baby bump.

What made you happy today?

Changing Perception

2011-01-19T22:10:00.000-08:00

I have this problem getting into peoples heads.

Sometimes I cannot understand the least bit why people perceive things the way they do. But in my heart of hearts I truly want to change perceptions. I want to change the way people view the world. The way they see other people.

My mom is a counselor for children and we talk weekly about the perceptions of todays youth. Why is bullying so effective. I mean take a look around. Bullying still happens in the adult world but we just shrug it off and think, "they will learn eventually."

In prepping for motherhood I have been thinking about the role of a mother and the perceptions that society has on it. On how it's "suffocating" or "unfulfilling" or on the alternate spectrum "the absolute only way for your kids to be happy." Why is it that our society can't agree on the real beauty of life.

Where has our love for life gone?

I see snippets of it in blogs. As people tend to show the good and hold off on the bad they are really exercising the choice to focus on the beauty in life. The picnics in the park rather than the tantrums and vomit. Why is that so bad? Why do people think it's a false front, unrealistic or whatever other reason they have.

Do I make sense?

I guess the reason I write this is that I badly want to change the way the world views things that I care deeply about.

Being a mother

Childhood

Self-Esteem of Girls, Teens, and Women

My religion

I can't help but be pained when my views are seen as abnormal. Lately it has occured in increasing frequency. For some reason breastfeeding makes people uncomfortable. Why? (I have heard reasons, you don't really have to answer that). For some reason being a stay at home mom comes with a barrage of questions such as, "Why aren't you doing what you want to do?" (to which I respond: I am.). For some reason girls in middle school still feel a need to tear each other down. To take an ounce of happiness someone else has and make it sour. Why has this continued into our adulthood? Weren't we told it would end? Soon middle school, high school, etc. would be over?

My heart feels heavy as my thoughts battle the opinions of mainstream, of generations, of culture.

How to change it all?

Start at the source?
Work in the present?
Communicate through media?

My desires go from raising my children with a different knowledge to starting a camp of my own to empower as many youth as I can with the truth of who they are and what they can be to wanting to pick up a guitar and magically sing the problems away (It worked when we were kids right?)

Alas. Is this a war? Do we address it with a battleplan? Or do we look at it with love. With kind thoughts. Gain trust. Show them the beauty of the world and hope that maybe eventually their hearts with open to the truth.

p.s. My internet hates me uploading pics lately. Sorry the blog has been devoid of visuals. I will work on it : )

seattle be gone.

2011-01-17T22:06:00.000-08:00

I have lived here since 2006.

I am done. I am done with the drizzle. The lack of sun. The complete GRAYNESS of this city.
(seriously in a city with overcast skies 80% of the time, stop painting houses and buildings gray to match the sky and roads!)

I have learned here. Grown in SO many ways. It is where I gained my testimony (finding light amid the bleh-ness of this one season city).

But I am SO excited to leave. I am so excited for sun on my face. Sun. How I missed you.

I just want my own home again. We have no space that is ours. I also refuse to clean.

Why?

These are the various excuses I have given Kyle (mad credit to being this creative)
1. the weather makes me want to curl up in a ball and never come out from under the covers
2. it's not MY space so I feel no connection to keep it clean
3. when i try to clean it hurts my head because there is no place to put things

Do you find crazy excuses for not putting away your clothes? Or folding them? Or picking up a plastic fork on the ground that has been used...

Those covers are looking pretty nice right now. You will find me there until the end of March. When we move.

Location to be determined in about 3 weeks (SQUEAL!)

Uncontrolled thoughts and a happy announcement.

2011-01-11T21:32:00.000-08:00

I am at a loss for words currently. I keep rewriting this post thinking it will become what I want it to be but can't quite express.

I have a hesitancy to get too personal on blogs.

But I will just come out and say it and then maybe my postings will become more regular again (crossing fingers)

I have tried to find a beautiful, witty, intelligent way to say it so that everyone can be completely inspired and overjoyed by my life. But let's face it. I am not an eloquent person. Mostly I'm pretty blunt. Sometimes I have horrible cases of word vomit where I spew ugly things at people I love....or hardly know.

But I will just say it.

I'm pregnant.

I am overjoyed and extremely anxious with this pregnancy. Everyday I keep expecting something bad to come up. I have built a wall around my heart so that it wont get hurt again. But everything has been normal and two weeks ago we were able to hear the thumping of a little heart. I felt like crying but I hate crying in front of people I don't know so I held back the tears. My heart cried though. It swelled a little too.

But I am still anxious. I keep thinking... it can still happen. I can still miscarry.

So I pray everyday and thank my Heavenly Father for what He has given me. It calms my heart, eases my mind and I slowly allow myself to daydream about my child.

I have so many dreams for the future. So many hopes for my family.

I want to live in the country in a beautiful rickity white house with plenty of wide open spaces. I want a garden. I want chickens. I really want a pony (part of me is still 5 years old ok). In all seriousness though. I want to raise my children in a place where they can explore nature and get to know the world in a way that is beyond tv and video games and more about frogs and climbing trees.

I want to have a sun room with a big comfy couch in it for me to read in the morning and all through the day if I please.

I want windows that let in the suns rays.

I want a bright kitchen and fresh fruit for breakfast every morning.

Ok. So I might want the life of someone living in the 1940s but I believe that that existence is still real and possible. I don't want my children to get too bogged down in technology. I want them to write on paper and not just on a computer. I want them to share bedrooms and become best friends. I want a fireplace and maybe a cow (I can handle it. I worked on a dairy farm).

This post is a little uncontrolled. I little of this and a little of that. This is how my mind works and I hope you don't mind but I think it is all beautifully connected. I want to give my family the world and enjoy living life simply. I find comfort in the words of my Heavenly Father and all he has done for the examples who have gone before me in the scriptures. I know that ultimately Heavenly Father wants me to be happy and slowly I am coming to find out what that means for me personally and the world globally.

For now I will get some rest. I will put a pillow between my knees so I don't wake up with geriatric hips in the morning. I will hold my belly which is slowly growing and I pray will continue to grow.

I know that through our Savior all things are possible. I was brought closer to Him through my miscarriage and am growing more and more through this pregnancy as I learn to trust Him. Trust His love. Trust my Heavenly Father's plan for me.

Going Soy

2010-11-29T16:55:00.000-08:00

So I have been denying this problem for awhile.

I am lactose-intolerant.

When I have milk products it destroys my insides and makes me feel not so hot.

But how do you live without milk? It is everywhere!

I love my cheese and my cereal and yogurt and ice cream.

But the time has come where I just can't handle what it does to my body.

I am going soy.

I have not been a huge fan of soy milk but Kyle and I are doing a taste test tonight to find out what we (mainly I) like.

Oh, I also got soy yogurt. It was SOOOO good. Happy day! I cannot remember the last time I had yogurt with no worries.

I have had soy/rice/coconut milk ice cream quite a bit and have always loved it. Seriously peoples. It is REALLY good.

I have no idea what to do with cheese products. I hate soy cheese. It just doesn't melt correctly and tastes like rubber.

My solution is taking a lactaid pill. I just need to find them amidst our boxes.

Is anyone else lactose intolerant? How do you handle it? What are your favorite products?

Forgiveness, Gratitude, and a Whole Lot of Learning

2010-11-28T21:04:00.000-08:00

A meetinghouse in Rome, Italy where I truly learned about the gospel and it's necessity in my life.

Recently I had the experience where I needed to forgive someone.

I tend to get hurt very easily. I try my hardest and sometimes it isn't enough for the people around me. Sometimes....they make it known a little too bluntly.

So my feather's get ruffled and all I can think about it how I was "wronged."

I love venting but my husband made it known to me that I tend to vent a little too much, to too many people, and I bring down the names of those around me so I feel justified.

I recognize my weakness and am working on it.

It is hard sometimes when someone hurts our feelings. I go back to all silly girl bullying in middle school and I get that pit in my stomach feeling where all of a sudden no one likes you and you don't know what you did wrong.

So we went to sacrament today and I decided that I needed to practice what I have taught in lessons, talks, and life. Forgiveness.

A lot of it is directed at us needing forgiveness, but what always sticks out to me when I study the doctrine is the need to forgive others.

Probably because it is something that is a bit of a struggle for me.

Well I knew I needed to forgive this person. I knew that me incessantly talking about it would not help one bit. So (besides the need of context in this post) I am done.

I believe in an active partaking of the sacrament. Sometimes I think about the day I was baptized and try to revive that pure feeling within, sometimes I think about the beauty of the atonement and the Savior, sometimes I truly seek forgiveness for my shortcomings. Today I sought to learn to forgive others.

It is not an easy thing, but I think in remembering the mercy of the Lord in forgiving us. We need to remember to be equally forgiving. We need to not only recognize our weaknesses, but the weaknesses of those around us as well. Especially those that hurt us.

Now we hope that they will strengthen those weakness as we are all told to do, but we do not know their time line. We do not know the struggles of their heart. So we have to think of how much the Savior loves and cares for them and how He wants us to love them just as much.

So I am grateful for the lessons I get to learn from the gospel. I am grateful for the experiences Heavenly Father gives me. They hurt, sometimes more than I can seem to bear, but if we take them with the perspective of Heavenly Father trying to teach us, mold us into something far more beautiful than we could have ever imagined, we will become what He sees in us.

That is the beauty of the gospel. It is what keeps me learning, growing stronger and as a result, happier.

Make Up--Made Under

2010-11-18T19:06:00.000-08:00

I am feeling a bit bleh about makeup lately.

My makeup routine involves moisturizer, mascara, and blush. I put on chap stick through the day.

I am not really feeling it anymore. But I don't want to have a huge production either.

My philosophy on makeup has been to be as natural as possible. I learned how to apply makeup solely by myself and sometimes from tips receive by those who were selling the makeup.

My mother taught me this: Don't buy cheap makeup. You want quality products on your face.

So I buy my nice mascaras (changes every month from smashbox, tarte, estee lauder, diorshow, bobbi brown, the list goes on...), I have had the same blush for about 2 years now (Benefit Dallas Cowgirl or something like that), I have some nice eyeshadows which are FAR too old according to all makeup expiration facts (I don't wear eyeshadow often so they last a LONG time).

So here is my problem. I feel wierd when I wear eyeliner. I put it on for REALLY special occasions, a fancy dinner, church, wedding, etc. But I don't necessarily feel comfortable putting it on. I feel like it is too heavy and never looks right.

Also, by the end of the day I feel like my makeup is completely gone. My blush wears off quickly and my mascara might smudge.

I feel like I need someone to teach me how to do makeup. How to apply eyeliner. What colors look good. What's a quick routine that looks GREAT!

Does anyone else have this problem? Or solutions?

Does anyone want to take me in and tutor me on makeup basics and tricks.

I am feeling crazy lost right now in this department and I am SO over it.
See? I need help. Maybe in more ways than makeup....

Flash Back!

2010-11-13T13:06:00.000-08:00

Can you find Gina in all the pictures? Some should be easy because I am the only one in them...

For some reason I love looking at people's childhood photos. How they morphed into who they are ya know...

Did you enjoy my brother's mullets? That was in like 1996, I have no idea why they kept the mullet alive for so long.

Did you check out my uber-akward phase? I used to bleach my hair, had braces, and was in general a really awkward child.

I personally love the one of me in my pink frilly bikini. I mean seriously....check out the gut!

Anywho...

It is Saturday. Glorious Saturday. The Harry Potter Exhibit is in Seattle and Kyle and I are planning on going.

Jealous?

I'm pretty stoked.

Would it be too much to dress as Hermione? Yes? Darn.

Olfactory

2010-11-12T21:01:00.000-08:00

I have always had a keen sense of smell. It can be a bit annoying at times, especially if someone decides to put on a little too much perfume or cologne.

Yuk.

But mostly I like my ability to pick out smells because they instantly connect me with memories.

My favorite smell?
My good friend Lyndall and myself (Gidget) being pink princesses for X-treme week!

I almost killed a frog this night trying to kiss it and spell out "x-treme" with my body...it lopped (limped/hopped) away...

Camp

I can pick out this smell in an instant. It is usually around a Ponderosa Pine.

It immediately puts me into a bolder, more crazed sense of mind. I love it. Camp means to the world to me (as anyone who is close to me knows). It is the place where I really grew up, where I learned the most valuable lessons about friendship, love, and making good choices. Heck, it's where I met my husband. Can't get better than that.

I love the smell of camp.

There are other smells that come and go.

The smell of my mother

my grandmother

my husband

my husband's home

my high school

my elementary school

It's odd really. Why are smells so distinct in our minds?

Why can they evoke so many specific memories?

I think the sense of smell is seriously underrated. Everyone boasts of sight and sound. Yes, they are important. But I would say smell is up there, mostly associated with food or flowers.

I once knew a person with no sense of smell. I was so curious about this fact. She was an excellent cook but made it to her husband's taste. She wore perfume her husband picked out. It was very strange to me.

Sometimes I think about not being able to smell. I cannot possibly fathom it.

Is smelling like this for anyone else or am I just being a freak who is fascinated by her nose's ability....

Is this for real?

2010-11-10T15:56:00.000-08:00

Life has been dreamy lately.

Dreamy in the sense that all the stuff you desperately imagine happening, dream, and hope about are actually reality.

Lo and behold. I have made friends.

I feel like a dork but in all honestly I love having people I feel like I can call, who are on the same page in life that I am, and who aren't a bajillion miles away.

I have many wonderful friends who have kept me sane and giggly for the past couple of years. But as Kyle and I entered into marriage domain....things got a little stickier.

How do you develop friends when you are trying to figure out marriage.... Sometimes it can feel like you are courting a couple to see if the dynamics will work. We had some successes, some losses.

We moved into a new ward hopeful for an abundance of couples our age.

Now I don't want to sound crazy for being twenty-two years old and crying about not having any friends to my poor husband and wishing that I just had someone I could call....but I might just be a little crazy.

Either way last weekend I found myself completely enveloped in the joy that comes when connecting with new people in that "goodness. we totally get each other and I love this" sort of way.

Conversations usually have key phrases such as, "I KNOW!" "REALLY?!" and laughing.

You see when people are saying, "I know" to each other they have realized a level of agreement. They see eye to eye. That is a good thing. "Really," implies the wonder of hearing new and exciting things from someone new and wanting to hear more.

Laughing is self-explanatory.

Last weekend was wonderful. We went out to dinner with some great friends, sat next to Felix Hernandez who plays for the Mariners without knowing it (He was out to Red Robin with his family, how sweet). The next day we embarked on the journey that is Turkey Bowl. It's a flag football tournament that our church in the Seattle area holds at Husky Stadium. It's kinda big thing. It was the first year I really enjoyed it. (I have never actually played, just watched)

I enjoyed it because of the company.

Also the fact that I didn't gorge on 4 hot dogs like past years. That definitely mad things better.

Oh and my husband's team placed fourth. Which was pretty sweet.

Oh Dear...

2010-11-08T22:07:00.000-08:00

I am afraid I have lost a bit of what I call oomph.

I would like to say that my life has been so completely busy that I haven't had time to write....but most of the time I just surf the web and stalk all you fine folks.

What is up with that by the way?

Seriously? When did we get so obsessed with other peoples' lives.

As I have stated before. There is a serious need to find happiness in one's own life. To see all the great blessings and stop complaining.

Kyle and I have decided to eliminate some things in our life lately. It came to us separately and we realized the necessity of it actually happening.

I was in the temple. Thinking about what I was missing. I felt like I wasn't progressing in the way I wanted. Then I had the thought as clear as day, "Gina, you aren't doing everything I have asked." I realized that I had continued to ignore an impression that had come to me for a couple of weeks. In institute classes, in church meetings, in scripture study, prayer, or just relaxing. I needed to drastically alter my media intake.

Right after conference was a big eye opener and I tried to keep the commandment I had learned. But I slipped and fell backwards.

It's for real this time, especially since I have the support from my husband.

I bet you are wondering what it is?

Media intake.

I just can't stand what is on tv anymore. It's far too much and I kept letting certain shows slide because I liked them. Nope. Not anymore. If I don't feel comfortable watching it around a small child it's not for me.

There is just so much negative imagery.

Things are much better.

In fact Kyle and I went to see Megamind for a date this friday. HILARIOUS! It was so good and I didn't have to think twice about, "should I be watching this....?"

My spirit is full and my heart is happy.

I suggest you try to eliminate those negative influences as well. Feel the difference.

Smile?

2010-10-28T20:53:00.001-07:00

What is your most self-conscious part of your body? Ok, you don't really have to answer that. In fact don't dwell on it too much. I am going to show you how silly it is to be so self-conscious.

Behold:

My smile.

Silly? Yes.

Still self-conscious? Yes.

What's the problem?

It's crooked. Look at my lower lip. You can see more of my teeth on one side than the other. I don't know why this bothers me but it does.

Did you ever practice smiling for your school pictures in the mirror? Stupid teen magazines suggesting we devote time to perfect our smile. Ugh.

Why did we feed into this?

Um...because we were insecure teenagers.....

But the ramifications? I still am self-conscious whenever someone takes a picture!

Is it year book worthy?

Did you ever have braces? Smiling was the worst then!

Metal mouth stage or hide it behind your lips creating an awkward lumpy lip look.

Either way.

How silly is it that we hold these insecurities. You know what helps when I get over-aware of my smile?

I think about Elder Richard B. Scott a church leader. Random? Not so much.

He came to visit the Seattle area a couple of years ago and being the enthusiastic young convert I wanted to get the best seats to hear him speak. My friend and I ended up being in the very front row. After his message the congregation was able to go and meet him. You know what he said to me?

"You have a lovely smile."

My smile is endorsed by an apostle. Pretty cool huh? Now not everyone has the experience of having an apostle compliment them. But we do all have the capability to acknowledge the love that Heavenly Father has for us and for our bodies. He loves us just the way he made us and each of our so-called imperfections are "lovely."

Photo love.

2010-10-26T21:57:00.000-07:00

What's your screensaver? Mine is a slideshow of all the pictures on my computer in shuffle form. I love it. Sometimes when it goes to screensaver I just look at the pictures and realize that I have had a wonderful life so far. I have wonderful friends. Family. Husband. The list could go on. Instead I will randomly select some photos and share the love.

The missing ingredient analogy.

2010-10-25T16:16:00.000-07:00

Today the girl I nanny had a meltdown. We were making pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. She had cracked the eggs, poured in the sugar, the flour. the oil, the pumpkin, the chocolate chips. She then crazily dolloped a spoonful onto the cookie sheet covered in parchment paper (easier cleanup). She helped me carry them into the oven. Then I realized I had forgotten the vanilla.

I quickly pulled the cookies out, dumped them back into the bowl, and threw away the parchment paper and added the necessary vanilla extract. I started with a new piece of paper and started dolloping the cookie dough onto it. Isabella had been playing with spilt flour and then walked to the garbage can. She lifted the lid and stuck her head inside. I pulled her away and explained to her that we don't play with garbage, or stick our heads in the garbage can, anything in the garbage is something we no longer need.

Then her heart broke. She started crying uncontrollably. She started yelling in her recently developed voice, "tookie, tookie!"

I laughed a little realizing she thought I threw away her cookies. I explained to her what happened. How we forgot an ingredient so I put our cookies back in the bowl and added it. I had already spooned the cookies and popped them back into the oven. I explained all of this to her.

She kept going back to the garbage and crying. TOOKIE, TOOKIE. I tried not to laugh. After all it isn't funny to laugh when someone's heart is breaking.

Seriously. Her heart was breaking. I could see it happening. But it still seemed silly. They were just cookies.

But she had put in so much effort. She had mixed them together herself. She wanted her cookies.

It took awhile but she finally felt better. It took showing her the cookies in the oven and dolloping some new dough onto parchment paper to calm her down. But it was a slow process. She would stop crying for an instant and then realize what happened to her cookies all over again.

Then the cookies were done. She happily took one and smiled when she realized they were her cookies...

I pondered this process. I am a firm believer that all things are eternal truths and that you can take pretty much anything and relate it to the gospel. So here is my attempt:

We are the little girl (or boy) who have put so much into our lives, our dreams, our desires. We work hard on them. We think they are ready. But Heavenly Father knows better. He knows that there is one ingredient, one experience, one important characteristic that we are missing. He knows we need that extra ingredient to make our lives, dreams, hopes the best they can be. So He sets it aside. He takes some time in our lives to mix everything together so it is truly perfect. So we are really ready and prepared.

But we don't understand. We think He is taking it away. We think it is gone forever. We think a lot of silly things. See He knows we need the vanilla. Without the vanilla our life won't taste quite right. But we don't always understand that. So we meltdown. We freak out. We are so angry, sad, and mad. Why? Why? Why?

We have to wait. We have be patient as our dreams, hopes, lives get really ready. But then they are. Then life is so much more delicious and we realize that we have what we desired all along, and it is even better than we could have ever known.

Count to ten.

2010-10-24T14:41:00.000-07:00

Once my grandmother Bebis (my mother's mother) was trying to reach a box in her closet which was on the top shelf. It was too high. She was talking to me and getting increasingly frustrated as she attempted to get this box. She reached a point where she lowered her heels back to the floor and counted to ten. She then reached up and grabbed the box so easily. She looked at me and said,

"Nothing is impossible as long as we count to ten. When we count to ten all fear, frustration, negativity leaves us. Then we can think clearly and see what we need to do."

I don't know if those were the exact words. But I know it was along those lines. Count to ten=surmounting what seems impossible.

I count to ten quite a bit. Her insightful thought enters my mind when I am upset, confused, frustrated, sad, and wishing for an answer. It is like her voice pops into my mind. Count to ten.

Count to ten.

one. two. three. four. five. six. seven. eight. nine. ten.

I breathe a sigh of relief. Because my mind is clear and I see my backward thinking. I see how Satan is trying to trick me.

How amazing it is that sometimes we need something to kick us out of our awful state of mind. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our problems, our mixed up world, that we forget there is an eternal perspective.

I need to write about my life.

I need to write about who I was, and the process of becoming who I am. This happens partly in this space. But I need to physically write it out. I need to analyze it. I need to try to explain to others how their entire life is a preparation for who they will become.

It is hard to analyze your own life.

For now I will count to ten and try with all my might to overcome my weaknesses.

Reoccuring thoughts

2010-10-19T22:10:00.000-07:00

My drive to work each morning....

I keep thinking about the description of me.

I read these books with character descriptions and understand their weaknesses and strengths.

I have also been reading about the lives of the prophets and apostles that lead my church today. I read about defining moments, amazing characteristics that have gotten them to where they are now.

It keeps coming back to me. What is my description? If I were a character in a novel or an important person that people would want to know my bio. What would be said of my life, of who I am?

It plagues me.

You see everyone has ideas about how they are perceived. They also have the burden of knowing who they truly are. They know their own motives and weaknesses.

This is what I do know:

I know I am known for my enthusiasm. I tend to be overly excited about things and try to get others excited as well.

I am also known for my inability to tell a story. I am repetitive and sometimes I go off on strange tangents that are completely unnecessary to everyone but my own mind.

I am known for my conversion. For the rarity of having supportive parents and being married in the temple with no hard feelings.

I am known for my lack of athleticism. I try. Really I do. It just goes beyond my capabilities.

I am known for my love of children. This is something that I know deep in my innermost being. When I see a child. The spirit rushes into me with so much power I always feel like crying. They are so beautiful. Their spirits are so precious in my mind. This coming sunday is the Primary Program (our sacrament meeting is flooded with precious voices singing and bearing testimony). I inevitably cry. They have so much power over me. The good thing is that I know that I have been made to help the children in this world. It is like my sixth sense to know what to say and do to cheer up a child and also to know how to deal with them. I have realized this over the past couple of months.

I am a creative, imaginative, goofy soul. My life is full of hopes and dreams and aspirations. I create my future life over and over in my mind. I can see it, I can smell it, I can feel the spirit there.

I hope to be known as a servant of the Lord. I want to follow the spirit with great diligence and love.

I hope to be known as someone who led a rich life. A life full of family, love, and happiness.

For now I can only replay my character description in my head. I can hope to be the person Heavenly Father sees in me.

On sadness and hope and the future

2010-10-12T21:15:00.001-07:00

So I haven't come out right and said it. Mainly because it is hard to talk about. But I am ready. I am ready to let people know. I also think that it isn't talked about enough. Like it is taboo or something.

In July I had a miscarriage. Kyle and I had been expecting to expect and the wonderful day came when the hope came that our family would start. I got attached. I immediately was thinking way too far ahead of myself.

Then the unexpected came. Me? I thought this happened to other people...not me.

But it happened. I couldn't deny that fact.

Besides from the physical pain, the emotional pain was the worse. It still is.

I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who worked with me through this time in my life. Who gave me the comfort of the Holy Ghost and the answers to questions in my mind.

I had a lot of questions.

Mainly I wondered why I wasn't healing. I kept thinking...I can get over this right? It happens to a lot of people. Why am I making it a big deal?

Well I explained Heavenly Father's answer here:

http://gidgetgoestorome.blogspot.com/2010/08/coming-around-and-ten-things-i-love.html

Beyond that point things have gotten MUCH better. I have come to terms with this trial. I am most assuredly not done with it. But I TRUST my Heavenly Father. I trust in His plan, in His will, and in my trial. Because I know it is making my desire that much stronger, my heart that much softer, my testimony that much more beautiful. I feel great.

Except when I learn that someone I know is expecting. In the past two weeks, three people I know have announced they are expecting.

I grin and smile and then go home and cry.

There is no official doctrine of when spirits enter the body of a child. My personal feeling is that the child I was expecting is still waiting to come down. I can still see them. I know that I just have to wait a little longer.

This is why I cry. Because I just want to hold them. I want to feel their soft skin. I want to hear their giggles and cries. I want to find joy in their life.

I know I will. I just have to wait.

But until then I will continue to prepare.

I am going to better myself so that I am fully ready. Because I know I have a great charge. I have a charge to be a mother. To raise my children in love and righteousness. I know that my children will grow to serve the Lord.

I must be ready to prepare them.

I have the greatest desire to instill in them a pure testimony, a solid faith. I want to give them all that Heavenly Father has in store for them.

I want them to be smart and humble, kind and witty, spiritual and gracious.

I know that I must prepare now for this. I must create a home where the Spirit resides. Where these principles can be taught and developed and solidified into traits.

My heart is so full when I write about my experience. It has been stretched with deep sadness only to be filled with utter and pure joy in the love of my Father in Heaven.

I pray that anyone who has gone through this experience or will go through this experience may turn to their Father for support. That they may find the peace and comfort He will provide.

Because it is so very real.

Obsession.

2010-10-10T15:18:00.001-07:00

I am in love with......

TOMATOES!!!!

Goodness they are so tasty and delightful and just perfect with everything. Are you obsessed with tomatoes?

You should be.

Tomatoes are a part of wonderful foods such as

Caprese salad. SO FABULOUSLY AMAZING AND MY ALL TIME FAVORITE SALAD.
tomatoes, mozzarella, basil, and some olive oil and I am in heaven.

They make a GREAT Caprese chicken sandwhich at Red Robin. Try it. You will gobble it up.

Tomatoes with salmon in a lemon-dill-butter sauce over a bed of smashed potatoes. (You can get this at Salty's in West Seattle)

I just ate grilled chicken sandwich with tomatoes, avocado, and dijon mustard. I almost died.

I love that tomatoes are so versatile. You can put them in a salad, a sandwhich, or just eat them like an apple.

When I am able to have a garden on my own. I full plan on having many many many types and varieties of tomatoes.

I just love the things.

Now that you think I am a freak for blogging about tomatoes on a Sunday I will share with you a spiritual highlight of the week.

This week as I was trying to improve and simplify my love (remember focusing on the fundamentals) I fell back in some things but improved greatly in others. That is just how life works.

My tv/internet addiction is hard to break. Initially I had a plan to go fully without. Then it turned into I can watch tv with Kyle. Then I was just watching it by myself like the addict that I am. Hmmm.

Right. The highlight.

Even though I am struggling with my media ways. I woke up every week this morning at 6:30 am and was able to study my scriptures for 20 minutes or more. It was wonderful. I had a notebook by my side and asked some more life questions that the scriptures make me think about. I found such great power in studying the scriptures. I always do. But there is something about setting aside time for it. Not moving time to fit it in. But saying, "This part of my day is for the scriptures. It is for the study and enlarging of my spirit and mind." Also Kyle and I have consistently had family scripture study. It is so wonderful and definitely brings us closer together as we discuss the gospel and the important truths we know.

So I am curious...is anyone else trying to simply? To focus on the fundamentals? Or am I just writing to the wind. It's ok if I am. The wind is a pretty good listener.

Ok. Sorry for being odd right there...it happens.

I know that so many blessings will continue to come forth as I continue to follow the counsel of the prophet and apostles. I can't wait to see what those blessings are.

Past psychology

2010-10-08T10:25:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday, I took a rest day from exercising. It was necessary. Gotta take it slow ya know?

Well yesterday....I had to break the power of pyschology. You see if I exercised on Thursday then I would be ok. But if I took another day off...well then exercising would go down the drain.

Now what would keep me from exercising?

My hair.

I got my hair cut yesterday and my lovely stylist Brooke straightened it for me. When she straightens it, it is so much better than my own attempts. It's softer, straighter, it's just beautiful.

I relish in my hair when it is like this. I try to make it last for at least two days.

Exercising makes you sweaty and it would ruin my hair.

Hello. My name is Gina and I am a girl. A silly girl who loves when her hair is straight and looks like regular straight hair.

So did I exercise?

Yep. After laughing with Kyle over the fact that not exercising over hair would be ridiculous. I put on workout clothes laced up my shoes and grabbed my iPod. Shoot.

iPod dead. My luck right?

Thankfully I have Jillian's 30 Day Shred DVD and it is pretty hard core.

So I pulled back my hair. Wore a headband to keep my hair out of my sweaty nasty face, and I exercised.

Have you ever done anything so silly?