Head Over To My New Space!

I have loved blogging from this space for almost 6 years now, but blogging from blogger is limited and I felt that if I wanted to take my writing more seriously, if I wanted to pursue what I love, then I needed to work on creating a space that can grow with me.

From now on I will be posting from ginaprescott.com.

I hope any readers who follow me through blogger will easily be able to follow me from this new site (and let me know if you have any difficulties!). Enjoy the new space!

When Money Finds Purpose

I am feeling really good about this no shopping thing. Most of the time.

I am human.

It is not that the desire to buy has completely gone away. I still want things but the decision to not buy has been made infinitely easier. I was spending so much time thinking of things that could make my life simpler but in reality, it was a huge waste of my mental energy. 

But still, it is hard not to buy things. I have come to realize how often and how easy it is to make up a reason for why we need something. A pursuit of a magical, easier, more convenient life. One that we see in the movies and want our pictures to project. One that projects our happiest dreams. 

But in reality, if I can't look around and see the magic around already, then that pursuit will never end. 

With all that said, the most staggering part of this challenge has been realizing how much money I was misusing. I had imagined that comparing December to January would result in a fair amount of money saved, but I was WAY off. I was spending three times the amount I thought.

I looked over the records and it was amazing to see little things here, a small purchase there all totally benign and insignificant but adding up to excess and wasted opportunities. I was spending money on things I like instead of investing in things that I love.

In those numbers I saw time lost. How much money that could have paid off student loans, money that could have been saved up for a down payment, money that could have been spent on a family trip. My family is the most precious thing in my life and in an effort to get through the day to day with treats or new clothes, I was neglecting a long-term perspective. I want more for my family than nice clothes. I want to spend money on things that will create memories and traditions, to develop a greater sense of unity and love.

Every now and then when I am grocery shopping I will pick up a chocolate milk or a lunchable for Max, to surprise him when he gets home from school. Lately, when I picked him up he would ask if there was a treat waiting at home. The answer is usually no (I do it once a month at most) and when Max hears that he sometimes gets upset. He wants a special treat everyday. I started to explain to Max that if we have special treats too often, they lose that special quality. They become expected and ordinary and sometimes that can be good, but sometimes if we have them less they stay more special and more exciting. He doesn't always like this response but the more I explain it, the more I feel it is true.

Just because I am not shopping, doesn't mean I am not buying things. It just means that what I buy is has either gone through my checklist of being completely necessary or obviously brings family together. Each time I go through the checklist, mental energy is spent better understanding what will actually bring gratitude into my life. Money spent pursuing goals is good. Buying a coat for my toddler is necessary. Getting a gift for a friend who is hurting is worthy. I get to decide what purpose money has in my life and the process of doing that has made each purchase more thoughtful and in reality more special.

In the end it is doing exactly what money should be doing, taking care of what what matters most to us. 

It Feels Like Living

Lately my mind has been flitting to and fro from various ideas and aspirations. I have created a ginormous grab bag of "Things I Want to Do" and feel frustrated at its weight and discomfort. Each day I mentally go over my goals and how to accomplish them all.

But there is only so much one person can do. 

I feel empowered when I exercise, pushing my body beyond what I thought it capable off. The trainer for the class I have been attending three times a week really loves burpees. Every class he adds them in, pushing us and our bodies. He challenges, "Try adding in a push-up," and I inwardly roll my eyes. 

Is what I am doing not enough?

But I keep going. Jump down, feet back, feet in, jump up. Sometimes I can't even muster a jump so I weakly stand swinging my arms in the air like the first descent on a roller-coaster. My inner voice repeats the thought, Keep going, keep moving, one more, one more, one more.

Sometimes I add-in the push-up. Sometimes I don't.

As I continue to move forward, pushing my body and my brain, a surge of energy rushes in. I can't find its source but it is there filling me with power and confidence in my abilities.

I wonder where it came from, how it helped me to jump and reach higher. My heart thumps with electricity. 

It feels like living.

I return home and see my laptop sitting on the table. I see a basket of laundry to be folded. I see my scriptures waiting to be studied and my child staring up at me with hope in his eyes of a story read, a song sung, a game to be played. I open the fridge and see disorder, grocery lists, meal plans. I get dressed trying to be grateful for the clothes on my back while suppressing desires for more stripes, more florals, more shoes, more more more. 

There is too much I want to do, I need to do, I have to do. 

So I prioritize. God and family first. Always. Because at the end of the day, when I offer up prayers, I feel the most peace when I have these things in order. When I give my heart to that which is eternal, that which lasts.

But here comes the tricky part, do I fold laundry or write? Do I meal plan or life plan?

There are so many things I want to do and create and write about, but the reality is that there are beautiful children to be loved RIGHT NOW. When I am fully present with them it feels otherworldly, divine.

So I grasp on to that.

I keep doing what feels hard and trivial and I see myself expand. I keep reading stories and dancing and teaching. I plan meals that nourish and activities that bring us together. I keep folding laundry and hugging and kissing increasing expressions of love. Through it all I feel my soul filled with an electric peace. Neurons in my brain make tiny explosions of joy as I discover that my family is my greatest goal. 

And I feel myself living. 

Keep going, Keep moving, one more, one more, one more.

Taking Care

My vigor for paying off our student loan as quickly as possible led me down a murky path where it felt like everything was denied. It wasn't that we couldn't afford things, but rather we had to make a choice about money going towards student loans or not. Student loans won almost always.

It was depressing. I felt trapped.

I have found a personal prescription for overall health and well-being. It isn't super fancy but has been proved over many many years of trial and error.

I need exercise.

I need creativity.

I need spirituality.

Daily.

This is on a personal level, there are obviously other things necessary like good food and time with family. But on a basic, human survival as I spend each day in charge of two little lives, these things are an elixir.

They nourish my soul and that translates into mental clarity and fortitude.

I let exercise slide because everything seemed so expensive and anyone can exercise for free right? You just have to run! But that required dredging up motivation to get up early or bundle up children. So I decided that I just didn't get to exercise to my fullest ability for awhile.

I don't recommend it.

Last week I decided my mental and physical health is not worth sacrificing. As soon as I started exercising consistently and intentionally I realized how flawed my logic had been. The elixir was already working! Today I sweated as I lifted weights and was pushed to do more squats than I would have ever chosen for myself. It felt so good.

I believe we are all made to create. That looks differently for each of us; building, painting, composing, sewing, gardening, or a myriad of other ways. Creativity stretches us and gives us a glimpse of the depth and complexity of our minds. I have found a love in creating through writing. Through exploring thoughts and ideas and composing them in a way that feels enlightening. I enjoy this space and sharing it with others. As I have put more into this blog, with no one compelling me but myself, I have found so much joy. I continue not because I believe that I have radical ideas that will change the world, but through writing I understand the world.

Spending time to connect more fully with my Heavenly Father on a spiritual level has never been something that costs money, but I experimented sacrificing it nonetheless. I justified that it wasn't making that big of a difference in my life to read my scriptures or say a morning prayer daily. But it did. There is a visceral hope as I spend time communing with God. As I seek to understand Him, His plan, and my role in it, I find peace. Days without are marked with a fog that clouds my mind, every small annoyance expands to monstrous proportions. I am irritable and distant. The scriptures bring light and dispel the haze. They bring the brightness of July to a murky January day.

I am done holding unofficial test trials regarding the necessity of exercise, creativity, and spirituality in my life.

The results are conclusive.

I need them.

If I want to grow, I need them.

If I want to have peace, I need them.

If I want to be the mom I hope to be, I need them.

If I want more to give, I need them.

I want to take care of myself and turns out I don't need permission from anyone to do that.

But I am curious...what is it that feels necessary for your your overall health and well-being? On your best and brightest days, what makes it so?

Snapshots

This was a weird week, but aren't all weeks a little weird.

My car battery died on Monday; thankfully I was parked right next to my mother-in-law (she watched the children while I got my car going once again).

I finally signed up at a gym. After working at a gym for two years in Seattle, it turns out I have a lot of expectations that small town gyms can't fulfill...like childcare being included in the membership. BUT! I found a great gym that has awesome classes and the most affordable childcare. Major bonus that it is the closest one to me.

Playdates. I love getting together with other moms but unfortunately my children don't seem to like it as much. Max gets extremely territorial and starts acting like a feral child with no social skills. I always end up feeling like my mothering skills are shoddy which results in me never wanting to have my children around other children. I keep trying not to take it personally, I know they are there own little persons with personalities and strengths and weaknesses but it feels near impossible not to have all of their behavior feel like a direct result of your weaknesses and failings.

I went to a writing group for the first time Tuesday night. It took me a couple of months of forgetting and nervousness and unpreparedness to actually get myself there with some work to critique. But it went great and I was really glad to get some support from fellow writers. They liked my stuff. Still a shock to me that anyone likes what I write. So thanks for all of you who enjoy these ramblings of mine.

Snapshots from this week:

Maxwell, 4 years old.

 Daniel, 16 months.

Snapshots

This week has been all about finding our routine again with winter break being over. We watched too many Christmas movies, naps were all over the place, we came and went as we pleased. I don't regret it one bit though. Breaking routine every now and then is what creates some of the most wonderful memories. 

Nights cuddled up together and trips to explore the snowy landscape. A lot of time playing with family. The boys have the best cousins and they all run around in circles together. It is absolutely adorable. That is what I will always remember best about the Christmas season.

Grateful for the happiness of family.

Maxwell, 4 years old.

 Daniel, 16 months old.

Five Days In

December 31st 2015:

I feel like I HAVE to shop. More than a simple desire, the pressure to buy feels immense. I want one last day of bliss. So after a dental appointment and some extra time thanks to my mother-in-law, I head to where my love of shopping all began: the thrift store.

Growing up there was a thrift store within walking distance to my house. My friend and I started browsing in it collecting random shirts from the boys section (my prized possession was a "Stay Alive in '95" DARE shirt). I never shopped otherwise, except for a birthday trip to Nordstrom with my mother each year. Usually I wore hand-me-downs from friends, jeans, and those thrifted boy tshirts. 

But then I got a job and a small amount of cash flow. So I started spending that money; as soon as it reached my checking account.

In college I started noticing trends more and jumped onto the trend bandwagon at UW in the fall of 2006: UGG boots, PINK sweatpants, North Face jacket and backpack. I had it all. 

I know, I rolled my eyes too.

It felt inauthentic. I wore the sweatpants on campus only one time and felt ridiculous. They were then reserved for sleep only. Everything else was used and used well, after all they were quality purchases. 

After that I made it a personal decision that if I liked a certain trend after a year of it coming out, then I felt comfortable making a purchase. Otherwise it felt confusing to distinguish whether I actually liked something or whether constant exposure to it swayed my views. 

So back to the thrift stores I went for many years. It became such a thrill to dig and dig week after week and find a complete treasure. I loved it and loved how much money I saved. But it took more time and work and sometimes you still spend money on things you shouldn't have. 

I have gotten better and better at thrifting over the years but it is by far my greatest weakness. The possibility of finding something always lulls me inside and then I inevitably find extra.

So on the 31st, I gave myself one last unnecessary trip.

I totally scored and felt quite smitten about it. However, that smug attitude encouraged me think about why I originally hopped on this cycle of buy!buy!buy! long ago. 

There is a certain delight in buying something.

We find thrill at a deal or the perfect shirt to round out our wardrobe. It feels like a hole is being filled and the stars align and angels sing. Because constant purchasing is so readily accepted and available, we fall in to the trap of an easy fix of joy. We like being happy and so we do what we know will take little work.

But I have felt moments of true joy (and I am sure you have too), they are the moments that make you smile as you fall asleep. The ones you stockpile in your memory when heaviness arrives. That memory of your baby dancing or when you felt those first flutters with someone you love. The moment where your entire family was laughing in hysterics or when you worked really hard at something and all the effort finally resulted in success. Those moments are so much stronger than the bits of joy that come with buying things. They are more powerful to pull us from the grasps sadness and anger. They are worth more, they weigh more, they ARE more!

They are also more work. They require our time and our energy. They demand taking time at the end of the day to notice the good in your life. With a constant stream of Netflix and social media this gets harder and harder to do. We think more about the grass on the other side or just check out completely. 

In order to do this no buying challenge right, it feels necessary to practice more gratitude for what I have. To take the time and effort to be in those moments and to realize that nothing in the store can match the worth of what extends beyond the grave.

 And that is what I have learned in the first 5 days.

A Brightness of Hope

The other day the world was a sky sandwich. White clouds hung overhead as a slice of clear blue sky hung near the horizon, everything below was illuminated by the fresh foot of snow that covered the valley. I smiled happy that it would be the first white Christmas I have had in many years. We have had wet Christmases and sunny Christmases but the snow has avoided me for a few years. I am very glad to have snow.

I love that snow takes the darkness that overwhelms this time of year and just brightens everything; mother earth's flashlight. This natural flashlight physically AND emotionally lightens hearts. I see it everywhere; adults act like children and frolic just as readily through the crisp landscape, everyone staring out their windows in wonder as the fat flakes fall and land like a magic trick. Tension disperses from my heart as I drive and expand my peripheral view and take in how beautiful it all looks.

It contrasts against the reality that for many, the literal darkness parallels loneliness, loss, and heartache. I still feel great pangs of loss this time of year. The lack of James' physical presence is made more apparent in sending out Christmas cards, hanging stockings, and selecting gifts. I still think about him most at night, when it is darkest. It is difficult to not let those dark feelings overcome the joy this season can bring.

But when I see the snow, I am reminded of light and the power that it possesses to take even the darkest day of the year and illuminate it. Even the smallest bit of light disperses dark.

That is why I have such hope despite all the bad in the world. Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Christ and He himself said,

"I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life." (John 8:12)

 Though we know that He was not actually born on December 25th, the actuality that we celebrate His birth close to the darkest day of the year is a powerful symbol. His coming to earth was literally Heavenly Father sending light to illuminate and dispel the darkness. His birth was miraculous as the snowflakes that fall and cover everything, He too blankets the earth with a bright hope.

 

In an effort to remember James more, I reminded my family that we should be praying for him in our family prayers more regularly. Max has taken this to heart more than anyone and requests to say almost every single family prayer and you know what he says? Each time Max utters a sincere prayer of gratitude, "Thank you that James can be resurrected someday." Each time a little more light flows into my heart. Even though Max is only four years-old, he understands being resurrected means that James will be brought back to life, that we will see him again.

That is the hope and joy His life brings. Those who are lost will be returned. Hearts broken will be healed. Comfort and peace will come through acknowledging the light is there.

We just have to pull back our perspective and see how He illuminates this entire world and covers it in His grace.  

"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men." (2 Nephi 31:20)

His light is there and it brings joy, a joy even greater than a child discovering the first snow of the season.

I hope and pray you all have a joyous and merry holiday season filled with light. Merry Christmas!

Snapshots

Thank you for all of the support for my New Year's Resolution this week. I have spent so much time convincing myself  I could NOT do it, and then so many of you expressed such kind confidence in me any residual fear was blasted away. Kindness is powerful.

I was thinking a little more about this project and kicked myself for being so self-absorbed in my privilege. I am doing this as a personal choice to step away from consumerism, but for a majority of the world, this way of life isn't a choice, it is just reality. People struggle to pay the bills. There are people who struggle to keep a roof over their head and food on their table. There are people in war torn countries who don't have access to basic necessities and live in constant fear. They don't have the luxury of "too much."

So, I don't necessarily think what I am doing is brave. I just feel like with everything going on in the world, I am done coping with it all by buying things. I want to break the cycle of shopping to relieve stress; because, to truly honor my privilege I feel that I should live as authentically as possible. To practice more empathy, to feel all of the feelings and recognize that those feelings are what truly connect us.

Kindness. Fear. Love. Anxiety. Patience. Stress.

We all feel them. I would just rather feel them about people than transfer it on to buying more stuff. Does that make sense?

 Now don't get me wrong. I don't think shopping in general is wrong or bad. Just the over-consumption and the obsession with it.

Anyways, thank you again. Because even though it feels silly and trivial, the need to buy is a strong addiction and I expect some growing pains.

Snapshots:

Daniel HATES snow. (15 months)

Maxwell LOVES the snow but strongly dislikes getting his picture taken (4 years).

 

No Shopping for a Year

Last week I mentioned challenging myself more seriously to do away with excess consumerism and focusing even more on what matters most.

Well if you can believe it, starting in January I am doing a major decrease in shopping.

Inspired by the blog Blonde on a Budget, I am banning myself from purchasing anything new for an entire year.

Ok! ok! There is more too it than that so don't freak out quite yet! There are rules in place so that we don't starve as a family, keep clean, and still enjoy life. I will explain more of why I decided to challenge myself this way, but first, here are the rules.

Things I am allowed to buy:

• Groceries and kitchen supplies (tin foil, etc)
• Toiletries (toilet paper, toothpaste, shampoo, etc.)
• Makeup (I only wear mascara and blush and so I am only allowed to replace these when I run out)
• Cleaning products (pretty much detergent and dish soap since I make everything else using this)
• Kid Necessities (wipes, diapers (we use cloth during the day and disposables at night), etc.)
• Kid Clothes if necessary (Generous hand-me-downs cover mostly everything. If there is a true need, my goal is to shop second-hand/thrift stores first (i.e. Max will need a new coat next winter))
• Haircuts (I only cut my hair twice this past year, so I think I will stick with that number again)
• Gifts for others
• Christmas/Holidays (Limited to $50 per person)
• Experiences! (more on this below)

Things I am NOT allowed to buy:

• Clothes and shoes (I have given myself some flexibility if I have gift card money to use or if something desperately needs replaced (my nude flats currently have a hole in them), but that is IT!)
• Extra makeup (nail polish, eye shadows, etc.)
• Toys (the boys have plenty)
• Books (the library is free!)
• House stuff (furniture, appliances, decorations, etc)  

Experiences include going out to eat (limited to twice a month), going to zoos or museums, movies, concerts, water parks, and travel. To me experiences embody the spirit of focusing on what lasts; memories stay with you forever and time spent with loved ones or even on personal goals builds healthy relationships and greater love. That is EXACTLY what I am trying to get at here!

Guys, this is going to be hard and just thinking about it makes me nervous. But at the same time, I am really excited because I know it is possible! I have everything I need, everything else is just excess really. I just have to chant that when it gets hard.

So why am I doing this?

Because I believe that shopping takes up too much of my time.

Because I know that I spend money unnecessarily on things that end up as clutter.

Because I want to more aggressively attack our student loans.

Because I want to practice self-control.

Because I want to be satisfied with what I have.

I want to slow down, I want to simplify, I want to connect.

I want to focus on being instead of having. (@zerowastehome)

I am ready. I know it will be challenging and frustrating, but I know that it will be worth it. I know this will stretch me in the best possible ways and teach me lessons that I wouldn't learn otherwise.

There have been a lot of resources I have utilized to get me to this point, but I want to share some of them with you in case you want to know more.

Becoming Minimalist
SUCH a good resource! Great posts and awesome links to other like-minded blogs. This is an internet wormhole worth going down. I especially love his weekly round up of articles!

Blonde on a Budget
She has successfully completed a no shopping ban for a year and is on her second year (in a row!). Most of my personal challenge comes from her inspiring success.

Hands Free Mama 
She has another book and a blog, but so far I have just read this book. I love it. It is meant to be read over the course of a year but borrowing from the library doesn't afford me that luxury. It is still just as inspiring and helpful, especially as a stay-at-home mother.

"Of Things That Matter Most" 
This has been an influential talk since I first heard it and more recently he has spoken about simplifying and finding joy despite circumstances (find those here and here respectively).

Slow Your Home Podcasts
These are basically interviews with all of my favorite simplifying blogs. Good stuff.
 
The Small Seed
A spiritual and thoughtful-living blog. I love its posts and resources.

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up
A best-selling book on finally getting rid of the clutter once and for all. I really enjoyed reading it an implementing it as best I could.

Zero Waste Home
This lady's four person family produces enough garbage a year to fit into a glass jar. No joke. Her book is ripe with steps and tips for eliminating waste and focusing on reuse.

Harmless Home 
This blog is written by the same friend who introduced me to Becoming Minimalist. She no longer writes on it but I still utilize her advice for creating a toxic-free home. Plus I still get to text her for personal queries! She is so well-researched and thoughtful, I love everything she sends my way.

Budget Bytes
This is one of my favorite food blogs. I started using it when I was first learning how to cook and her recipes were perfect for our small budget and growing tastes. Her recipes remind me that food doesn't have to be complicated or expensive to be good and healthy. I still use many of her recipes weekly. Her copycat Olive Garden Zuppa Toscana is especially amazing!

Thanks for reading about my crazy life and thoughts. I plan on updating my progress as often as feels necessary here on the blog and I love knowing that there are people supporting me my crazy ideas. Wish me luck!

Practicing Gratitude

I have so much to be grateful for.  At the end of the night my basic needs are always met; a roof over my head, warm clothes, a full belly and a whole lot of love from my family.


Sometimes though when I am expressing thanks during my personal prayers I create little footnotes in the back of my mind.

I am thankful for a roof over my head....but I wish it had hardwood floors and a bigger kitchen and a more accessible backyard.

I am thankful for warm clothes....but I wish I could buy those new shoes, sweater, etc.

I am thankful for a full belly....but I wish I didn't have to cook it myself.

I am thankful for the love of my family...but why do I feel so worn down by the end of the day?

I kick myself for all of those little footnotes. I don't want to just acknowledge my blessings but I truly want to be grateful for them, for the imperfectness of them, within each circumstance I find myself in.
It is no secret that James' death sparked a massive change in my heart. A desire to be more, to do more with this life I have been given. I don't want to waste it wishing away for more of something or for something that I have deemed "better." I want to be grateful despite my circumstance. I want to find the value in what I have and to stop the pursuit of things.

Over the past couple of years I have become more and more disillusioned with our culture's constant push towards more and more stuff. I have been caught up in it for too long feeling like those basic necessities aren't enough and that I deserve more. I have dreams and hopes that I have mentally turned into essentials for my personal happiness.

We are a young family and as such are dealing with issues like paying off student loans, saving up for a home of our own, budgeting for extras like snow pants and family outings and it is hard to be patient through this time period and wait to accomplish personal and family goals. I found myself growing bitter and exasperated that the effort that I have put in so far towards these goals still has us moving at a snails pace. I am impatient, I want to accomplish everything RIGHT NOW!

I started looking more closely at my efforts and the smaller details. I started realizing that my daily pursuits did not match my long term goals. I have busied myself with stuff that eventually become clutter. Stuff to clean, to sort, to organize, to move from pile to pile, until finally it finds its way to the thrift store. My true goals and passions have nothing to do with this stuff that for so long I have accepted as a part of the daily grind. But I don't believe it has to be, or at least not in such a massive way.

I had a friend introduce me to the blog becomingminimalist.com and since I have started reading I have come to many quick realizations. Realizations about the amount of stuff I am drowning myself in and how unnecessary a majority of it is. As I have made small changes to where I invest my time, my money, my thoughts, and my efforts, I have found peace. I feel as if I am not wasting the day, wishing it away but rather taking advantage of all the opportunities for special moments. I feel as if I am the best version of myself, the version God sees in me. I feel myself practicing true gratitude, doing away with excess and soaking in that which matters most. As a result, those footnotes have quieted and there really is more joy to each day.

I probably sound crazy but I cannot express how good it feels to pursue love, family, and personal growth rather than clothes, furnishings, and things.

Of course, I am not perfect in this pursuit, I still want many things, but I have seen the difference enough that it has lead me towards challenging myself more seriously (more on this later). I have felt a shift for the better and I truly believe that taking all the superfluous away has real and lasting benefits.

In the Sermon on the Mount the Savior said,  

 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. (Matthew 6:19-21)

I want to follow this admonition. I want to invest in that which cannot be corrupted. I want to treasure that which lasts. I know that as I do, I can be confident that I am living the true life I have imagined, I can be more thankful for what is before me, because in reality there is so much.

Hawaii Snapshots

Going to Kauai with my family was the most amazing thing. There were plenty of extra arms to wrangle babies and jump in the waves with them. There were extra eyes and shifts taken for nights out. Sunscreen, shampoo, and diapers were shared. It was a communal effort that made for a blissful trip.

I have a tendency to set my expectations too high, so I decided before we left that I couldn't complain. I thought to myself, "You are going to be in Hawaii with your whole family, even if the sky pours down rain the entire time, just be grateful." Singing this song helped a great deal, especially when my younger siblings had a harder time when things did not turn out perfectly. My main goal for this trip was to visit the beach as much as possible. I did away with my tendency towards lists of places to visit and things to do. It was bliss and it restored me.

I was reminded that this is exactly how I should be living my daily life. Focusing on time with my family and soaking them in.

One day in Hawaii, I spent one-on-one time with Max sitting next to him as he played in the sand while Kyle was at the condo watching Daniel while he slept. I sat there as my child played, no phone (too sandy), no camera (too sandy), no book (too sandy) and felt so connected as I sifted through the sand myself. There was time and space to think, to assess, to step back and gain perspective and what I saw was someone who is constantly waiting for the next thing; for student loans to be gone, for the weekend to show up, for Kyle to get home from work. In that moment, it became very clear to me that I cannot live this life waiting and if I do, I will miss out on what is happening right before my very eyes. I will miss all the mischievous moments, the tender brotherly moments, the bursting with joy moments.

So I made a pact with myself to work harder at bringing that Hawaii mentality to life here in Washington. If you find me walking around in my swimming suit...don't be too surprised!

Hawaii Snapshots (a lot of baby bum shots!):
.

  

 

Snapshots

HI!

vacation+computer troubles+sickness+netflix binging+lethargy=no recent blog posts

It made me sad too.

So this week I pulled myself up by the bootstraps. I returned to the things that help me get through the day. We started a daily service activity for the month and it has been such a positive thing for Max and myself. We got outside as a family and I brought my camera and exercised my creative muscles a little bit and I feel so much better overall. Those small simple things always add up and make such a big difference in my life.

So grateful for the beautiful outdoors. So grateful for time to spend with my family.

Lately:

Max is learning how to make friends and it is so hard not to try to force him to be nice (like that is even possible) and not tease/annoy everyone. Everyday he tells me all about his escapades as school and I have to cringe a little bit, because I so badly just want him to be that sweet and gentle mannered child but that is just not Max. He is strong and loud and funny and a little resistant towards the necessity of kindness. He demands it for himself of course, but anything goes for everyone else in his mind. So we are learning, slowly. But I know that it will stick at some point. I will not give up.

Daniel is also learning kindness in the form of being gentle. He is obsessed with feeding himself yogurt and is walking, going on for about a month now (made the decision that walking>crawling in Hawaii).  He is still smiley and cheesy and squishy and just tries to learn from Max but stay out of the path of his fury. This has made him both tough and sensitive in the process. It is hard to know whether or not to step back or swoop in. Depends on the day and the level of hurt mostly.

Grateful for these days with little ones, as hard as they are. So I am trying to get as much snuggles and coloring and dancing with them and their lack of inhibition in as much as possible. Grateful to be able to.

Snapshots

It has been a wonderful week. Earlier in the week I went on my first hike sans Kyle and it went really well. It was super sporadic but I was so glad we did it. I love getting outside and the weather is so beautiful right now it is hard to not want to get out and enjoy it.

Max had school pictures this week and refused to let me trim his hair. Also, when I picked him up, I asked him to show me his smile. Man I cannot wait for the hard copy to show up! It is going to be awesome.

Daniel has finished cutting some new teeth (including a pair of molars) and his spirits are on the rise. He keeps adding new tricks like sticking out his tongue and dancing which brightens my day every single time he shows them off.
 
Snapshots from this week.