With 2014, we turned a rather large, new leaf. Two days before the turn of the year we headed down to Salt Lake City, a pit stop on our way to Central Arizona, where Kyle will have a clinical internship for ten weeks.
New Years was spent in Utah, just the three of us, in the home of some family friends who were away. We alternated between watching the clean, Mormon version of SNL, Studio C (yes,such a thing exists), and Chopped. Then at midnight, the whole valley sparkled with fireworks. I could look out the window and watch the night sky lit up in a panoramic view of small and large fireworks. I felt in that moment, that although this year had been ever so hard that it was also an incredibly special year.
This year I learned that grief and joy can occupy the same space. I learned that the world is full of love and generosity and willing hearts and hands. I learned that the intent behind words and actions speaks louder than the words and actions themselves. I learned that I am incredibly blessed and that trials do not define how Heavenly Father feels about me. I learned to trust and hope in Heavenly Father more than I could ever imagine.
I learned that healing comes in a multitude of moments.
In the midst of the fireworks being let of, one of the neighbors decided to release a paper lantern. I watched as it floated up, higher and higher and I imagined James watching it float closer and closer to him. It was a small moment of peace, of healing.
Heal.
That is my word for the year. Heal through adventure, through joy, through discovery, through personal and family growth. Healing does not mean that I am "moving on" or "forgetting" James, it means I am deciding to stop picking at the scab.
So far, 2014 has delivered with SO many healing moments.
Max watched the movie My Neighbor Totoro (as often as we let him) on the LONG drive down (24 hrs total).
After about 6 hours in the car on the second leg of our trip (from SLC to Phoenix), we saw the coolest rock structure on the side of the road that were BEGGING to be explored. We all needed to stretch our legs a bit, so out we got!
His "Mario" run (imagine him leaping up to a mushroom).
Most of the rocks had small erosion holes (made from water), but some were eroded so much that they were used as shelters, very claustrophobic shelters.
A truly HAPPY New Years! I hope that all may find the healing they deserve and rediscover the joy that is all around them.
