Monday, January 31, 2011

Bumping along.

Today was a great day.

The sun came out and fueled my spirit. Seriously, I got so much done today and had a much better attitude than usual. I decided to make a list of what I absolutely needed to do today. Nothing was going to stop me. Not a books. Not a nap. Want my list?

-Study scriptures
-Do laundry
-Clean room
-Go for a walk


Ok, so not a super grand list. But as you can see from my picture that scripture study was way rad. I got home from a lovely day at work basking in the joy of a child's imagination.

I decided I needed to take advantage of the sun while it was out. I thought, I could go for a walk? But I knew that I needed to study my scriptures first thing when I got home otherwise I would not devote the time they deserved. What to do?


I felt so fulfilled walking with my blankets and scriptures to the park to set up a lovely scripture study session. Seriously there were birds tweeting and children laughing. It was great.

...and guess what else? I started some laundry before I left. I was doing three things at once!

So it was a good day.

A good day is a day where you feel your baby kicking and know without a doubt that it is the baby and not your heartbeat or your intestines....

A good day is finding out that Seattle brought back the Oldies station and the first song you excitedly wait for after the ads is "Let's get it on" Seriously. I had to laugh.

A good day is diving into a good book, the scriptures, and some homemade beef stew.

A good day is fresh laundry, a clean floor, and sun on your skin.

So I am bumping along and taking what the day gives me, especially a baby bump.

What made you happy today?

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Changing Perception

I have this problem getting into peoples heads.

Sometimes I cannot understand the least bit why people perceive things the way they do. But in my heart of hearts I truly want to change perceptions. I want to change the way people view the world. The way they see other people.

My mom is a counselor for children and we talk weekly about the perceptions of todays youth. Why is bullying so effective. I mean take a look around. Bullying still happens in the adult world but we just shrug it off and think, "they will learn eventually."

In prepping for motherhood I have been thinking about the role of a mother and the perceptions that society has on it. On how it's "suffocating" or "unfulfilling" or on the alternate spectrum "the absolute only way for your kids to be happy." Why is it that our society can't agree on the real beauty of life.

Where has our love for life gone?

I see snippets of it in blogs. As people tend to show the good and hold off on the bad they are really exercising the choice to focus on the beauty in life. The picnics in the park rather than the tantrums and vomit. Why is that so bad? Why do people think it's a false front, unrealistic or whatever other reason they have.

Do I make sense?

I guess the reason I write this is that I badly want to change the way the world views things that I care deeply about.

Being a mother


Self-Esteem of Girls, Teens, and Women

My religion

I can't help but be pained when my views are seen as abnormal. Lately it has occured in increasing frequency. For some reason breastfeeding makes people uncomfortable. Why? (I have heard reasons, you don't really have to answer that). For some reason being a stay at home mom comes with a barrage of questions such as, "Why aren't you doing what you want to do?" (to which I respond: I am.). For some reason girls in middle school still feel a need to tear each other down. To take an ounce of happiness someone else has and make it sour. Why has this continued into our adulthood? Weren't we told it would end? Soon middle school, high school, etc. would be over?

My heart feels heavy as my thoughts battle the opinions of mainstream, of generations, of culture.

How to change it all?

Start at the source?
Work in the present?
Communicate through media?

My desires go from raising my children with a different knowledge to starting a camp of my own to empower as many youth as I can with the truth of who they are and what they can be to wanting to pick up a guitar and magically sing the problems away (It worked when we were kids right?)

Alas. Is this a war? Do we address it with a battleplan? Or do we look at it with love. With kind thoughts. Gain trust. Show them the beauty of the world and hope that maybe eventually their hearts with open to the truth.

p.s. My internet hates me uploading pics lately. Sorry the blog has been devoid of visuals. I will work on it : )

Monday, January 17, 2011

seattle be gone.

I have lived here since 2006.

I am done. I am done with the drizzle. The lack of sun. The complete GRAYNESS of this city.
(seriously in a city with overcast skies 80% of the time, stop painting houses and buildings gray to match the sky and roads!)

I have learned here. Grown in SO many ways. It is where I gained my testimony (finding light amid the bleh-ness of this one season city).

But I am SO excited to leave. I am so excited for sun on my face. Sun. How I missed you.

I just want my own home again. We have no space that is ours. I also refuse to clean.


These are the various excuses I have given Kyle (mad credit to being this creative)
1. the weather makes me want to curl up in a ball and never come out from under the covers
2. it's not MY space so I feel no connection to keep it clean
3. when i try to clean it hurts my head because there is no place to put things

Do you find crazy excuses for not putting away your clothes? Or folding them? Or picking up a plastic fork on the ground that has been used...

Those covers are looking pretty nice right now. You will find me there until the end of March. When we move.

Location to be determined in about 3 weeks (SQUEAL!)

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Uncontrolled thoughts and a happy announcement.

I am at a loss for words currently. I keep rewriting this post thinking it will become what I want it to be but can't quite express.

I have a hesitancy to get too personal on blogs.

But I will just come out and say it and then maybe my postings will become more regular again (crossing fingers)

I have tried to find a beautiful, witty, intelligent way to say it so that everyone can be completely inspired and overjoyed by my life. But let's face it. I am not an eloquent person. Mostly I'm pretty blunt. Sometimes I have horrible cases of word vomit where I spew ugly things at people I love....or hardly know.

But I will just say it.

I'm pregnant.

I am overjoyed and extremely anxious with this pregnancy. Everyday I keep expecting something bad to come up. I have built a wall around my heart so that it wont get hurt again. But everything has been normal and two weeks ago we were able to hear the thumping of a little heart. I felt like crying but I hate crying in front of people I don't know so I held back the tears. My heart cried though. It swelled a little too.

But I am still anxious. I keep thinking... it can still happen. I can still miscarry.

So I pray everyday and thank my Heavenly Father for what He has given me. It calms my heart, eases my mind and I slowly allow myself to daydream about my child.

I have so many dreams for the future. So many hopes for my family.

I want to live in the country in a beautiful rickity white house with plenty of wide open spaces. I want a garden. I want chickens. I really want a pony (part of me is still 5 years old ok). In all seriousness though. I want to raise my children in a place where they can explore nature and get to know the world in a way that is beyond tv and video games and more about frogs and climbing trees.

I want to have a sun room with a big comfy couch in it for me to read in the morning and all through the day if I please.

I want windows that let in the suns rays.

I want a bright kitchen and fresh fruit for breakfast every morning.

Ok. So I might want the life of someone living in the 1940s but I believe that that existence is still real and possible. I don't want my children to get too bogged down in technology. I want them to write on paper and not just on a computer. I want them to share bedrooms and become best friends. I want a fireplace and maybe a cow (I can handle it. I worked on a dairy farm).

This post is a little uncontrolled. I little of this and a little of that. This is how my mind works and I hope you don't mind but I think it is all beautifully connected. I want to give my family the world and enjoy living life simply. I find comfort in the words of my Heavenly Father and all he has done for the examples who have gone before me in the scriptures. I know that ultimately Heavenly Father wants me to be happy and slowly I am coming to find out what that means for me personally and the world globally.

For now I will get some rest. I will put a pillow between my knees so I don't wake up with geriatric hips in the morning. I will hold my belly which is slowly growing and I pray will continue to grow.

I know that through our Savior all things are possible. I was brought closer to Him through my miscarriage and am growing more and more through this pregnancy as I learn to trust Him. Trust His love. Trust my Heavenly Father's plan for me.