the in between

Life is very in between lately, hence a lack of writing on the internet.

Last week we picked up a budget truck and moved all of our stuff from the garage to spokane. We came back to realize we had not thoroughly thought out our plan of moving our stuff before we moved ourselves. We have no bed. The first week we slept on a mattress topper on the floor. When the back pain was realized we moved into my Mother's RV in the driveway. Yes. I live in an RV currently. Ok so really we just sleep there but still.

I miss my bed. And my clothes. I pack a few shirts and the one pair of pants that fit me. I want more options now...

I am almost 23. My birthday is on Tuesday and it already feels different this year. I feel like my parents have less claim on me than usual. Is it motherhood? Their divorce? Who knows but I trying to keep myself away from expectations this year. I just dont know how the day will pan out so I am deciding to be grateful for whatever happens.

It's almost fall. Can you believe it? Summer in Yakima is firing its last shots of heat trying to stay alive but the calender tells me that soon I will be crunching leaves beneath my feet.


My body feels ever so in between lately. It's a bit frusterating. Remember all those clothes in Spokane? None of my pants fit. It upsets me a bit and I am trying to remember that it takes time to make a baby so surely it takes time to recover, but why do those super models have to flaunt that they are the exception to the rule? Making the rest of us feel like we got bad genes..... I am trying to figure out what my body is planning on doing right now, and prepping for the realization that I might actually have to consistently exercise. Oy.

Baby Max is doing wonderfully by the way. He is Mr.Smiles lately and I love watching Kyle play with him. It's quite sweet.

Well that is an update to how my life feels and I am just waiting for when I can settle a bit and establish a small routine.

In a flash.

Motherhood comes like a lightning bolt. It zaps you in a moment as you meet your little one for the first time, electrifying your very core with a new sensation.
When friends and family come over to visit Max they always ask how it is, being a mother now. I always stutter out a few words trying to find the right ones that could possible explain the way my life has changed without sounding cliché. I feel like I end up sounding a bit strange and dazed but maybe that’s exactly what my life feels like.

It is strange becoming a mother because as gradual as pregnancy is, when your baby lands in your arms it shocks you. You think to yourself, “why did no one prepare me for this wonderful feeling?” and then you realize as you try to describe it to others that it’s nearly impossible without others looking at you like you’ve ingested a few too many rainbows…

You are a bit dazed because everything is so exciting and new and boy they weren’t lying about that sleep were they? You’re mind feels a little bit groggier but when you actively take part in beholding the wonder of your very own creation that fog diminishes completely and you are filled with the most brilliant light. Your heart swells and by golly you just want to go out and give everyone a baby and then maybe we could have world peace. Everyone would be too busy sniffing their new baby and laughing at the bodily functions of their very own little one and they would forget they were mad at so and so and that they were going to launch that missile….

So I have decided when they ask me about how it feels to be a mother, I will tell them it feels like lightning. I’m utterly electrified.

Remember me?

Hey there. It's been awhile and I kept thinking every day that I needed to jot down a post and confess my love of motherhood (a very real love I assure you) but I wanted it to be genuine and the words just weren't coming to me. So I waited for inspiration to strike. Or a time when Max was napping long enough for me to think through my thoughts.

Unfortunately that time has yet to arrive because when Max sleeps I sleep. Or try. Like right now I should be sleeping but I had some photos I wanted to share.

What is it about new mothers wanted to post a bajillion photos of their new baby? I think Shakespeare described it best in his sonnets...basically we are narcissists and want to look at the mini versions of ourselves we have created. That and he is just too stinkin' cute and I know you all love to look at pictures of cute babies.

So pictures commence:












I love those pics of Max and Kyle. It cracks me up that they have similar expressions in each picture. I thought Max looked like me when he was born but Kyle's mom showed me a newborn picture of Kyle and the two are identical, like I thought it was a picture of Max.

I am happy to report Max is gaining weight like a champ. On thursday he weighed in at 9lb 6oz. Apparently I am feeding him buttermilk. He likes it I guess...

There he calls....wants some more of that buttermilk...