Cornered

Baby Toes!!!!

I think Max is finally actually cutting a tooth. I figured this out because he cannot seem to nap longer than 30 minutes where he usually naps an hour or more. No variable has changed so I have to assume. I was grumbling about this to myself. You see naps are vital to a mother. They are an oasis. So when the naps are 30 minutes I get a bit...irked.

You're not supposed to be irked at your baby for not napping properly are you?

It's bad etiquette or something.

But then something lovely happened yesterday. Max woke from a nap and I went to get him, I had been watching a movie so we returned to the movie watching and he would lay his head on my chest for a few minutes and then perk up, lay his head down and then perk up. This went on for a good ten minutes or so when I realized he hadn't perked up in a bit. He fell asleep on me!

This happens a lot when they are newborns but I have noticed it becomes increasingly rare to feel the warm nuzzle of your baby under your chin. I relished in the moment (which lasted an hour!) slightly cursing myself for putting the couch pillow out of reach so that I could be a little more comfortable. Didn't matter though because his warm body breathed methodically against mine. T'was heaven.

On another note I was cornered at the market by two older ladies yesterday. I saw them oogling at Max from a distance and near the bread they planned an attack trapping me between two display cases of artisan bread and sparkling juices coming at me from both sides. They cooed and told me how precious and beautiful Max was. I couldn't agree with them more! They told me to cherish every moment because soon he will be in kindergarten, etc, etc.

Some people hate getting bombarded but I don't mind. In fact it makes me chuckle. I don't mindn that they grab his hands and pinch his cheeks (okay the pinching hasn't occured) because I get joy from seeing that my little babe brings others joy. I mean he is like human sunshine to me so if I can spread that light around to others who might be lonely or having a bad day. I count that as a bonus perk to having a baby in my book!

I didn't even mind them telling me to not take for granted my precious babe. They are well meant words and a good reminder for anyone. Although it's inevitable that I will take for granted these precious times in my life, for a moment they remind me to send a prayer of thanks to God, for my baby and the sheer joy he brings to my everyday.

A visit from Elder Holland

Taken right before I found out I was pregnant with Max

Two weekends ago we got a visit from an apostle. My favorite apostle. The one that I anxiously wait for to speak during general conference.

It was wonderful. What an amazing speaker! He spoke about trials, why they happen, how we should respond when they do happen, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. Without even knowing it!

You see Kyle and I talked a bit before we heard him speak and thought about what question we would ask him if we could. My mind went blank. Really? No questions? I had to have some sort of question, I ALWAYS have a question. But nothing came to me.

The day of his visit I tried so hard to think of a question and then inspiration hit, He will answer an old question that lingers in your mind, that you have forgotten.

Boy did he ever! Just a few weeks ago I was lamenting to Kyle about trials and how just the thought of possibly going through one in the future gives me anxiety. The thought of feeling that heartbreak and despair and just hurting scares me. I think going through the miscarriage really jolted me. I hate being that depressed, that sad and hopeless.

But here is what Elder Holland said,

"God loves broken things."

The path to discipleship must go through Gethsemane and Calvary. We must go through trials so that we can experience a small bit of what the Savior went through. Don't ever wish that you don't have to go through trials because that is how we grow. When we go through trials square your shoulders and endure. When it seems like the sun will never rise again, that is when the faintest glimmer of light will shine. It will rise again.

This is all paraphrased of course but it resonated so deeply within me as he shook his finger at us and slammed on the pulpit. It took me back to that miscarriage and regaining that hope through the atonement. It was exactly as he said, the sun will rise again! As I sat there listening to him bouncing my sweet baby I saw his counsel come to life right before my eyes.

I thought I would never be happy again but then Max came and brought every star with him. He is my shining light. His smile, his giggle, his determination to get that spoon, he brings so much joy to my day.

What a wonderful opportunity it was to sit at the foot of an apostle of God to feel God's love radiate so powerfully from his prescence and words. They will resonate forever in my heart. Becoming more ingrained as each beat sends truth throughout me.

Dude. I've been here half of a year.

My precious boy has been here half of a year. It is hard to wrap my mind around it really. He feels brand new and old at the same time. He is growing and progressing like nobody's business, plus he is super cute to boot! He sits on his own, eats pureed veggies and fruits and sometimes a rice rusk (think giant rice krispy flake). He charms the elderly and grumps. He especially charms his parents. What can we say....it's the drool.
This is his come hither look. We practice this a lot at home for his future in wooing all the ladies. I think he has got it down but he still wants to practice on his momma all the time.


In last two days he has decided he wants to figure out this whole forward motion thing. He has got the rolling down pat but it's the army crawl he is trying to figure out currently. Basically he looks like an accordian contracting his body as he gets his feet to push him a half an inch closer. I, as his mother, have the sacred duty of taunting him by continually putting whatever object of desire continually out of reach. I think reading Dante's Inferno gave me too many ideas of how to make repitition an exciting part of life. Minus the whole punishment aspect.

Kyle is on school schedule once again and Max expects him home promptly at 5pm. Seriously after 5 Max gets completely bored with me. Once Papa walks in and Max is in his arms, totally chill. He will just sit with Kyle trying to soak up as much masculinity as possible to overcome the fact that we watched one too many episodes of Gilmore Girls.

I love my Mister, Bubba, Bubby, Max, Little Punk.

Love Story: Part 15

Sorry about the long hiatus between love story posts. I had lost my groove a little bit, doubting my writing ability and such. If you need a jog in your memory, we just ended at him telling me he loved me and me returning the sentiments for my seventeenth birthday. ENJOY!

After a wonderful birthday came the dreaded realization that Kyle would be heading off to college. Fortunately he was attending a college that was only a forty minute drive. Still, the small town of Ellensburg seemed forever away.

How would this work? Obviously after saying, “I love you," we weren’t exactly in the mood to break up because he was starting his freshman year. I started bringing up my anxiety about the upcoming change in our relationship. He would always just smile and reassure me that everything would work out. We could talk on the phone every night and see each other on the weekends. Plus he wanted me to focus on school too. It would be perfect for us to really do well in our classes.

I smiled because I knew school would be a piece of cake for me. I excelled in school mainly because I was really good at following directions and rules. Teachers usually appreciated that which helped a great deal. But I worried about Kyle. He wasn’t exactly going to an Ivy League school which furthered my initial impression that while he was smart in general, he probably wasn’t as smart as me.

But college wasn’t the only upcoming change on the horizon. Kyle had mentioned about serving a mission after his first year of school and slowly he began to speak about it with more frequency.

One warm September night we decided to go for a walk around the neighborhood. We started talking about his mission and he explained some of the finer details. He would be gone for two years, could only write letters to me, could only call his family on Christmas and Mother’s Day and he didn’t even know where he was going. He didn’t even get to decide that! For a moment it was too much for my seventeen-year-old mind to handle. I became very somber and stopped walking. I sat down on the curb and studied the fallen pine needles that had gathered beneath my feet. They were dusty clay red and intertwined in every possible way. I picked on up and began to break small pieces off, bit by bit they snapped falling back to hard pavement.
“I’ll wait for you.”

The words came out of my mouth before I even realized what I had said. What did that even mean? All I knew was that this boy had changed me from the inside and I couldn’t let go to the magic that I felt when I was with him. I would be stupid if I did.

“Do you even know what that means?” He asked, “I can’t call you, I can’t see you, you can’t come visit me or anything. Two years is a long time.”

He made it sound hard but I had never met another guy remotely close to being as wonderful as him. I wasn't about to just let a wonderful future slip away.

School started for me soon after that and slowly our relationship took shape in the form of long distance. Kyle packed up his belongings and moved into the dorms with his best friend Mike. I was happy for him because I knew he would have a lot of fun, still I wished he was closer to me.

True to his word we talked every night. I often would wake up in the middle of the night with a hot phone pressed against my ear. We would fall asleep talking often at night. It was amazing we still had so many things to talk about. For being as similar as we are our minds work very differently and they often come to different conclusions. Plus with his religious background we always had something to talk or debate about.

Weekends were hit or miss. Since Kyle didn’t have a car, it was usually up to me if we wanted to see each other. Sometimes I would drive out to pick him up and bring him back. My parents would let him sleep on the couch in our home so I wouldn’t always have to drive him all the way out to his house. Sometimes his parent’s wouldn’t even know he had come back to town.

We watched movies and played games and he would charm all of my high school friends. I was the girl with a college boyfriend but it didn’t really seem like it. He was just Kyle to me.

Click here for Part 16