Swoon with me

Maxwell is officially 18 months old.

It is bittersweet as I watch him explore and learn more and more and try to converse with me and with others. I grasp at every moment where he surprises me with reminders of how small he still is. The other day we had a few errands that wounded up interrupting his nap time, I tried to put him down like usual but his routine was shot and he was having none of it. So I brought him to me and turned on one of my boring BBC shows and he was out pretty quickly.

Those moments are few and far between and they make me swoon all over again for this precious child.

Today was his first day going into nursery at church (Nursery is the younges "class" for the children starting at 18 months until 3 years and then they are in a more formal class setting). He did superb and the teachers said they wouldn't have known it was his first time otherwise. I know he was just chumming it up with friends and relishing in snacktime.

Some fun stories about Max:

-each morning we bring him into bed with us when he wakes up and he starts the day by reminding us where each of our noses are, our eyes, ears, hair, mouth, cheeks, and chin. It sounds like this, "There's your eye, there's your nose..." We keep adding body parts each morning.

-He loves Goodnight Moon and My World which are sister books. He will grab them off the shelf and stare at the pictures all by himself.

-Any vehicle on wheels is a chhoo chhoo (It started by reading his train book) and he is persistent when we try to correct him with the word "car" or "truck."

-He holds his lightsaber toy upside down and treats it like a vaccum.

-He calls snow, "nosh."

-He can and will seat drop on a 1-2-3 command.

-He will play farkle by himself for a good twenty minutes if you let him.

-When he plays the piano and finds the beat button his starts to kick his left leg to the side with the beat

-He must sit dead center in your lap

-If you ask him, "where's mama?" in a slightly panicked voice he bends his knees low and shuffles his feet really quiet to try to find me, in case I attack him.

-I taught him the sign for cracker which in hindsight might have been a mistake because now all he wants are crackers.

-If there is a treat he really wants (i.e. he found a reeses), he will bring it to you and say thank you so matter of factly that it sounds like he is trying to trick you into giving it to him.

Allright. Enough of that. Unless you want more. Then let me know.

happiness

My resolution this year is one word: Happiness

It's not that I haven't been happy  this past year, but truth be told, I feel as if I have been robbing myself of true happiness. 

There are things I have neglected, things I have regretted, there have been a lot of emotional roller coasters I have forced Kyle and Max on and at the end of it all, I looked back and I saw a lot of good but I also saw a lot of room for improvement. 

Mainly in just letting myself BE happy.

I rob myself of it through comparison, through guilt, through feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, of being forgotten. Basically, I have let the actions (or inaction) of others and conditions beyond my control determine my mood. 

Honestly I have no idea where it came from either. 

I like to pride myself on my enthusiasm, my optimism, my ability to take a situation and find the good in it but I have let that talent/skill/characteristic slip from my grasp. I have gone over it in my head a thousand times how it slipped away. I have pondered and returned to memories where instead of a sunny disposition, I chose a dark and gloomy one.

Perhaps it is just the weight of motherhood, of graduate school financial insecurity, of try to keep up appearances but where ever it stems from, it is over.

I choose happiness.

It is a choice you make, an attitude to grasp, an outlook that is determined by small actions and thoughts throughout your day.

You connect and commune with God

You connect and commune with family

You reach out to friend in love and service and companionship

You find the little things that make hard times bearable

You rejoice in small feats like choosing to pick up the toys scattered around, making a delicious lunch, putting in a good workout and crossing off something from that long to-do list

You acknowledge negative thoughts of doubt, guilt, and selfishness. You recognize their necessity in your life to push you forward to be better, stronger, kinder, more thoughtful, but you do not dwell. You do not wallow in them and let them consume your spirit until you feel that is all you are. 

You realize your potential as a child of God to do marvelous things even though it is hard and it is new. 

You choose to see yourself as God sees you, and I FIRMLY believe that God sees us as happy. He sees us a midst the good and bad of life always able to find the happiness in it all.

So I am starting my year trying my hardest to put God, family, and happiness first. Though I know that true happiness will come naturally as I focus on the first two.