Friday, February 5, 2010

the mask of a blessing

blessings are never fully realized until years past.

before they are blessings they are awful, hideous experiences.

they are gut-wrenching and full of wet eyes.

there is little understanding at the time, often there is blaming and hate.

people tell you that in the future you will be blessed for these experiences, that they are teaching you a lesson.

you might be able to think of what it could be or you might be so full of sadness, anger, depression, and hate that it blocks any vision of the future.

Lately I have had a couple of experiences that have left me crying in my bed with Kyle trying to console and tell me it will all get better and that I will be stronger, happier for it.

I know this. I know this because I can look back on my life now and see how I am better, stronger, and happier for those awful experiences I went through....

I don't know when this wound will become a blessing. It might not happen in this lifetime. Who knows.

But it's one I think about daily. I get bitter and resentful towards those who take for granted what I desire so deeply.

I pray that the atonement may be able to more fully work in my life so that can truly see the blessing of the future, so that I can have some sort of peace about it all.

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