A visit from Elder Holland

Taken right before I found out I was pregnant with Max

Two weekends ago we got a visit from an apostle. My favorite apostle. The one that I anxiously wait for to speak during general conference.

It was wonderful. What an amazing speaker! He spoke about trials, why they happen, how we should respond when they do happen, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. Without even knowing it!

You see Kyle and I talked a bit before we heard him speak and thought about what question we would ask him if we could. My mind went blank. Really? No questions? I had to have some sort of question, I ALWAYS have a question. But nothing came to me.

The day of his visit I tried so hard to think of a question and then inspiration hit, He will answer an old question that lingers in your mind, that you have forgotten.

Boy did he ever! Just a few weeks ago I was lamenting to Kyle about trials and how just the thought of possibly going through one in the future gives me anxiety. The thought of feeling that heartbreak and despair and just hurting scares me. I think going through the miscarriage really jolted me. I hate being that depressed, that sad and hopeless.

But here is what Elder Holland said,

"God loves broken things."

The path to discipleship must go through Gethsemane and Calvary. We must go through trials so that we can experience a small bit of what the Savior went through. Don't ever wish that you don't have to go through trials because that is how we grow. When we go through trials square your shoulders and endure. When it seems like the sun will never rise again, that is when the faintest glimmer of light will shine. It will rise again.

This is all paraphrased of course but it resonated so deeply within me as he shook his finger at us and slammed on the pulpit. It took me back to that miscarriage and regaining that hope through the atonement. It was exactly as he said, the sun will rise again! As I sat there listening to him bouncing my sweet baby I saw his counsel come to life right before my eyes.

I thought I would never be happy again but then Max came and brought every star with him. He is my shining light. His smile, his giggle, his determination to get that spoon, he brings so much joy to my day.

What a wonderful opportunity it was to sit at the foot of an apostle of God to feel God's love radiate so powerfully from his prescence and words. They will resonate forever in my heart. Becoming more ingrained as each beat sends truth throughout me.