So it's been awhile. I have had my reasons for taking a break from blogging. Mainly because the things I was going through put a damper on my desire to do just about anything.
It has been a hard month. I got really depressed. It was the worst state i have ever recognized myself in.
I knew i needed the atonement. that comforting, cleansing power that makes you feel whole, complete. I prayed and prayed to have that peace again. I was getting frustrated. really frustrated. I couldn't understand why it wasn't working like it had before.
I prayed and reflected, over and over. Finally I came to a realization. I was preventing the healing power. How?
I had trapped myself in a cycle of selfishness. I wasn't accepting the blessings i was being given. I continually wished for something else, something different than my own life.
In one of the most beautiful prayers of my life I accepted myself and all that comes with me. I accepted the wonderful blessings I had been given. As I did I recognized my need to change and grow. As this occured, I felt that peace descend upon me and it felt so wonderful. I went to bed happy, woke up happy, continued to be happy. All those issues I was dragging around were weighing me down. As I decided to accept them within my life, they were lifted from my shoulders.
Oh I feel good. OH SO GOOD!!!!
I decided to create a list of ten things that I am so grateful for and that I LOVE!
1. the gospel. It gives me so much perspective and hope even when I am having hard times. It helps me to know what I can do when I have hard times. Without fail the gospel is true.
2. my husband. This boy is amazing. He is my everything. He stood by me and tried to understand my feelings. He gave me space when I asked for it. He sees what I can be and will not let me give up on myself. I am truly lucky.
3. sealing power. I was sealed to my husband in the temple and this sealing has given so much power to our relationship. We are stronger because of the promises we have made to each other and to God.
4. the scriptures. They brought the spirit when I needed it most. They showed me hope when life seemed really bleak.
5. my friends. Friends are few and far between currently. But those that are around I feel so blessed to have in my life.
6. my family. I know they are there for me and I love them for that.
7. summer. Lately Seattle weather has been so good to me. I needed the sunshine this week. I needed it to warm my heart and soul.
8. Nannying. Nannying has been exhausting but so wonderful. Isabella is the bright spot on my day.
9.the Savior. I have felt his love for me, I understand a little more of the pain he felt when he suffered in Gethsemane, I know he lives.
10. the atonement. There are no words for this blessing in my life. I am eternally grateful for the knowledge of the atonement. That it not only cleanses our sins from us but brings healing and comfort when we are in pain. I am grateful for the sacrifice of my Savior and for all he went through for me and you. I am grateful for this learning experience to more fully understand how the atonement works and our role in letting it truly heal us.
p.s. my birthday is August 30th....I have no idea what to expect this year....