On Friendships

I am a middle child. In my opinion, being a middle child is not so good for developing and maintaining friendships. At least being the middle child in between boys. I grew up learning how to entertain myself. Reading, playing pretend in the backyard, and playing barbies were largely solitary acts.

Do you remember in grade school how ranking your best friends became very important. We would rush around recess asking our friends where we stood in their mind. The goal obviously was to be number one to your number one. When people asked me who my number one was I always felt bad, I remember seeing sad faces if I named a particular person so I started saying my own name. I would get goofy looks and then in my very wise third grade mind would explain that I was my best friend. Then I would proceed to name who my number two was.....

Brittni entered my life around first grade but it wasn't until third or fourth grade that we really started to click and our friendship flourished. My adolesence is jam packed with memories on her grandpa's dairy farm and acting crazy at camp. We started to choose different paths in life and it caused a pretty big rift for awhile. But we still cared immensly for each other. She is one person who I have been able to maintain a fairly strong relationship with over the years.

I bring this up because recently I had the chance to visit with some dear high school friends of mine. Our relationships had drifted considerably since we graduated despite going to college in the same city (and for one at the same college).

I let our relationships go. I declare sole responsibility. I sabotage friendships. I can't handle when life makes big changes and when it does my mode of adaptation is to let go of the old and grab hold of the new. I tried doing this with Brittni when I was going to middle school. I came over to her house and sat her down and we had a talk about how I was going to be a mature sixth grader and I couldn't be friends with an elementary school kid. She cried and then I felt bad and realized it was kinda silly. I am glad Brittni didn't let me destroy our friendship.

So I kinda stink at frienships because I grew up being used to hanging out with myself. I definitely crave friendship but often times I am extremely content to sit and read or surf rather than to call a friend over. Both are great, one requires more effort.

Being able to visit with my old high school friends I was so excited to realize that it's harder to destroy friendships than one might think. Beyond the time past hangs powerful memories of laughter and giggles which is always stronger.

I am grateful for a husband who is ultimately my best friend. I am glad he is there to go through every life change with me. He is my constant no matter where life may take me. I am grateful to have had him through the change from high school to college from apathy towards God to religious zeal.

I hope you do good to maintain your friendships. They are such precious things that are often too easily let go.