Halloween

I have mixed feelings about Halloween. My inner drama nerd LOVES dressing up and I love candy but I never was particularly fond of walking around and knocking on people's doors for it.

This year I was at a loss of what to dress Max up as (because really this show is all about him) and then I found this sweet suit at Value Village for $6. Initially I bought it because the outfit was too good to pass up. Then I realized I didn't want to put a whole lot of effort into making him a costume (we were thinking pirate for awhile) and so we just kinda decided on this. So we all dressed up at as a Blast From the Past. However, on the way to our church Trunk-or-Treat I had an idea. We could be the Romneys! So we told everyone Max was Mitt and we were....whatever his parent's names are....Marion? and.....whatever. You get the idea.

So Happy Halloween to all you Halloween lovers. Here is to hoping the wind doesn't blow too strong, the rain fall too hard and that neighbors will be generous with their fun sized goodies.

Big shoes to fill

Every day Max will grab a pair of mine or Kyle's shoes on his own and slip his feet in and walk around as best he can. It is quite entertaining but also incredibly endearing. This little boy has brought so much joy into our lives it's hard to imagine someday he will actually be filling these shoes and will be bringing joy to a lot more people. 

Lately I have been feeling out of sorts as a mom. It can be hard to grasp the reality that you are in fact in charge of another human life. It is sobering each night as I lay down my head to think back over my accomplishments and failures over the day. Did I give him enough attention, enough interaction, enough outside air? The list can go on and on and often I focus on my failures and weaknesses and by golly that just makes you feel all warm and fuzzy at the end of the day.

I am trying to remain positive and to find and focus upon the funny moments. Moments like this, where my silly boy thinks it is the coolest thing in the world to wear Daddy's shoes. He also thinks farting is HILARIOUS. I love when he starts talking to my in what must be some form of Klingon or Elven and I can't help but smile. I love that he has a sweet tooth like his Momma but is all about structure and being super active like his Dad. He is obsessed with giving open mouthed kisses and after requesting a high-five he will also give you a fist pound. 

It's the little things.

While Max has a ways to go to fill those shoes, I am currently in a personal quest to fill the shoes 

of the mother's who have gone before me. My own mother who is the epitome of sacrifice and optimism amidst all trials, my mother-in-law who is an extreme example of faith and selflessness, my mother's mother who remained classy, educated, and loving throughout her whole life and my father's mother whose strong opinions are rooted in a deep love for her family. I hope and pray that I can fill these shoes and be an example to those who come after me.

I'm sorry to have to do this...

I don't know if you read as many blogs as I do, but basically the blogging world is swallowed up in pictures of pumpkins and pumpkin patches. We too went to the pumpkin patch...BUT! There's a but! We also went apple picking. Doesn't that make this that much more exciting and diverse.

No?

Well then you must endure yet another shiny, happy family post, but at least these people are attractive. HA!

In all honesty it was a blast doing this, Max enjoyed it far more than expected. He was all..."DUDE THERE ARE APPLES EVERYWHERE!" Then he would proceed to eat practically everyone he saw. He had a lot of apples that day and filled his fiber quota for the week.

 Kyle is thinking, will those apples taste good?

  I love putting my head through small places! This place rocks!

 You've probably had an apple, but have you had a dirt covered apple? No? Well you should try one. Delicious.

 I am so glad you took me to this orange chair store. These are all my size!

Behold the glory of a dirty child! 

Sometimes it can be hard to think of wholesome family activities besides going to the park or for a bike ride but I am grateful for when the seasons change and bring a whole new slew of ideas and traditions waiting to be formed. Kyle and I kept remarking at the end of the day how wonderful it was to wander around as a family, no pressures besides attempting a decent self-portrait of the three of us.

In conclusion:
Hooray for fall!
Sorry you had to stare at more photos of pumpkins.

serious

I woke up today with a case of seriousness. The sky was cloudy and dismal and all those heavy thoughts were ready to jump into my brain as soon as a I reached an adequate level of consciousness to realize they even existed.

They are serious thoughts about all sorts of things, like the coming election, my wifely duties, my friendship duties, my convert duties and so forth. They have been building up and I keep getting reminders of more and more of them. So I turn to my good friend the internet to drown out all the chaos because boy does it get loud in my head.

So eventually I had to feed Max breakfast (why did this child wake up at 5am today and decide to stay awake I will NEVER know!) and the cupboard was kinda empty so it was the rest of some cereal, a banana, and a corn muffin. He chattered away at me about important things like the fact that he wants something besides corn muffins! I nodded along like I understood him.

But boy those serious thoughts would not kick the bucket. Not that they should but I kinda wished they would. So then we went to the gym so Max would have some other child to babble with who would actually understand him for a change and it was just turning out to be a somber day.

Then by noon when Max was sleeping I had had enough! How was I going to battle the severity of the seriousness? I brainstormed some rather extreme ideas like dressing up like a clown and walking around the grocery store or eating a cupcake. Light, fluffy things was my plan. But I worried for Max and that CPS might get called if I was dressed as a clown with a baby. So that a was a no go.

I took some goofy pictures on my phone which I will spare you because they are far too goofy for anyone's good.

Then I decided that I would discuss all this seriousness with Kyle and boy it turned out to be a pretty serious talk.

Who knew I had become so serious lately.

There is just so much to think about and do and accomplish and I feel as if I have to prove to the world that I am "grown-up" enough to have a child, whatever that means. It is basically nonsense I have come to realize.

So how do you battle the seriousness? What do you do to keep life light and fluffy and downright silly?

Oh...I guess I will show you that ridiculous picture so that if you are having a case of seriousness you can be released from its grasp.

From Scratch

I feel so edified and full this weekend. It was our Church's semi-annual General Conference where we hear wonderful messages from inspired leaders. I can't help but love General Conference with a fiery passion, it reminds me of my journey in joining the church. Six years ago I was invited to go by someone I had just met, it made a big impact in my life and I am grateful for it.

Before this weekend began we were having lunch with friends who are also members and I asked them if they were headed to their parent's for the weekend. They responded, "yes," and I quickly shot back, "OF COURSE YOU ARE!" in a semi-spiteful manner. This took them aback a bit and I tried to cover my tracks as best as possible saying something like, "oh, well you always go home for conference....I just figured as much."

But that wasn't completely honest. The truth is I often have a hard time with those who grew up within the church and have strong families and traditions to rely on. As a convert, I don't have the option to go home to watch conference for the weekend and the obvious joy others have from doing so is sometimes a point of jealously for me.

I was feeling somewhat bitter about it over the weekend and Kyle could tell, but he usually knows that I will figure it out on my own. Well it didn't take long for the spirit that General Conference brings to help me understand and sort out my feelings.

While others may have great family recipes to draw from for coming together for General Conference, or helping to teach their kids reverence or about the birth and sacrifice of our savior, I am largely starting from scratch.

I am creating my own recipe. I have the same ingredients as everyone else, but I also have the opportunity to figure out quantities and order for myself.

Recipes and from scratch often produce the same outcome, they are just different ways of getting there. Some recipes involve boxed batches that stand the test of time and sometimes recipes don't always work out perfectly either. Sometimes scratch tastes better and sometimes it can be a huge mess but you learn a lot in the process.

Either way, I know that my Father in Heaven has a plan for me and it is not by accident that I am living the life I am. I am grateful for the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ and for wonderful messages that lift my heart and help me to see the joy that my life holds, though it might be different from others.

And to end this post on an even better note, some pictures of my precious boy, who is gaining curly hair slowly but surely.

If you want to check out General Conference click here.

Natural Creativity

One of the things that I imagined I would do when I was a mother was create with my child. Unrestricted, without lines or rules art. Just exploring colors and texture and shapes. I love the therapeutic process art can be and I want my children to know that it is a great way to deal with emotions, but ya gotta start 'em young.

I was fortunate enough to come across a great natural paint set at a local store and I have been really happy with them. They are naturally non-toxic and I can understand all the ingredient on the label. Max likes them too. Especially in his mouth. 

This was the first time I really sat down with him to create and I loved every minute of it. I love how curious he was about the paint and watching him discover how he could manipulate it. Art is extremely important to me. I have found so much joy and peace from it. Music has touched my heart, painting have inspired my soul, and musicals have brought me so much joy and laughter over the years. 

Our world needs art. Where science and knowledge are the mind and logic of the earth, art is the soul. It gives life and breath to us. 

On Little Boys

I am the mother of a little boy. I am not sure what I expected from having a son but my heart certainly cried for lost frilly dresses and tea parts and princess dress up clothes. What was I to do with a boy? Now to be honest, baby boys are pretty much identical to baby girls in smiles and burps and crawling. But the secret no one tells you is that baby boys threaten to steal your heart from your husband. 

Once we were having  brunch with some friends and Max had a spill and he cried a bit as someone helped him to his feet, this friend consoled him by saying, "That's okay, your a tough boy, it's alright." She then quickly caught herself and interjected, "BUT you are also sensitive and gentle too!" 

How often do we demand "toughness" from our boys, which can often cripple them emotionally. While Max is tough (dude, this kid hardly cried when a pine cone was thrown straight into his forehead), he is also very tender. He loves to cuddle and nuzzle into me before bed. He is over the moon about his father and is gentle towards newborn babies. He knows to softly pet dogs and he gives the best surprise kisses.

I love having a little boy to play hide and seek with or chase around. I love watching him explore, whether it is the pages of a book, a piece of fruit, or the contents of my bag. I was given a boy and it has rocked my world in the best possible way. He has changed who I am not only by making me a mother but by giving me the charge to raise a gentleman. 

When I imagine his future it is not whether he will be a fireman, doctor, teacher, or CEO. I imagine him as a husband. Being sweet and loving towards his wife. I strive to have him understand what this world is like for women and to do all in his power to support and praise his wife. I see him as a father, with that same enthusiasm he has now playing with his children. Loving them and giving them the attention he received. I see him living a gospel centered life with a firm faith in his Savior. Not because his parents share the same faith but because he developed it on his own. He discovered for himself the joy that putting your trust in the Savior can bring. The healing power, the sweet relief, the peace through trials. I see him standing as a pillar of truth, but also looking towards his community for continual knowledge and understanding of what this world asks of him versus what his Heavenly Father asks of him. I see him striving righteously to know the difference.

I couldn't possibly fathom what life would be like having Maxwell in my life. Oh what a blessing it has been. What a challenge, what a joy, what an utter delight.