I'm Doing it For Me

Spring Quarter has started but I am not involved. Instead this past week I have been sleeping in, reading, watching tv online, and feeling unfulfilled.

My whole life has been go to school, an education gets you a good job, it grants you security, happiness....

We were all fed this. We were told that college was absolutely necessary (I am not saying it isn't important). But now that I have decided to forgo a masters in teaching and become a nanny expecting to expect one of her own soon I can't help but feel as if I am disappointing everyone around me (the exception being my husband).

I was supposed to go to college and do important things. Change the world. But I realized along the way that the way I felt I was best suited and gifted to change the world was through children, through youth.

Retail and desk jobs don't work for me. Children with their bright future and limitless possibilities did. I work well with them. I understand them. I know how to communicate with them. It's what makes me happy knowing that I can help them even if it is knowing how to calm them from crying.

For the longest time I channeled helping children/youth through the medium of teaching. I thought, this is really the only "real" profession that fits. Right?

Wrong.

I don't care what anyone says anymore. I don't care that you don't have to go to a university or get a masters degree, being a mother is a REAL job and it has the most real consequences and changes that this world will EVER see.

Not getting my masters in teaching changed how I channeled my energy to work with children. I decided that being a mother was the best thing I could ever do.

I got a job as a nanny this past week until I become pregnant and can no longer work. This IS what I want to do with my life.

I vow from here on out I will no longer let the things others say, the looks, the tone of disappointment affect how I feel about this decision.

I am doing it for me. Because I know it is right.

No it is not the most appraised profession in the world. But I believe it is the most important. I will give my children the full love and attention they deserve. I will raise them to the best of my abilities to be loving, kind, responsible, respectful, and faithful. This I will do with my B.A. in English Lit.

I went to college to grow, learn about the world, and discover who I am.

I have discovered I am a mother. To the deepest bone in my body.