Time goes ticking on...

I am sitting here in my bedroom thinking about life. I find that I have a lot of time on my hands lately to do this. Besides trying to distract myself with minesweeper my mind continually goes back to how I imagine my life being different.

Not different in a my-life-sucks-right-now way but different in the sense of,I want to be better. I want to find more joy in the small and simple things. I want to create beautiful things. I want to surround myself with love and let that love more fully go forth from me.

Maybe it's the fact that my due date is in 14 days and doctor says I am starting to progress (okay it's most likely this) but I know my world is going to change soon. Change for the better. I am really really really anxious about this. I am anxious because I feel joy coming my way. I am trying to soak up these last moments of solitude because I know from now on, my life really is not my own anymore. I will be responsible for someone else and I am more than glad for that. I am excited to stretch my inner being because I know that is what will develop my character.

So the sun is beating in the sky and I will probably return to another game of minesweeper (advanced because I am bomb like that) and be glad that I will be swimming shortly.