Thursday, January 21, 2010

Humble Beginnings

Lately I was reminded of how much growth is still left in me.

You see I am the type of person who thinks they have it all figured out. Secretly I know I don't, but I put on a facade and mostly everyone around me thinks I am super confident, peppy all the time, and that I have it all figured out.

Don't get me wrong. I do have some things figured out.

I thought I had one particular thing figured out. I could talk about it and teach lessons on it (in fact I have). However, I have been making a personal mistake regarding this particular thing for awhile, without noticing.

To make a long story shorter. Someone corrected me about it. Thankfully it was in private because I am embarrassed easily. I kept my game face on but in the car I cried.

I cried for a lot of reasons:

2.I hate making mistakes
3.being a convert is hard sometimes

As a convert you transfer many things from your pre-mormon life. You grew up being taught something completely different about everything you know now. Not to say that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is so vastly different, it's really not, but there does take some adjusting.

After 3 years I figured I was solid on this subject, and I was doctrinally. But the mistake was in actual implication and sometimes you just hate making mistakes as a convert. It brought me back to when I was first baptized and I would make so many mistakes and have to be corrected on it and it just stung. Every time I made a mistake it felt like there was a huge neon sign over my head flashing FAILURE! Dramatic yes, but hey that's me.

However I learned something from this experience this time. When praying I thought about it and I realized how much it had humbled me. Heavenly Father was showing me how much growth I still needed and how I would and still make mistakes as much as I like to think I don't.

I am grateful for this experience and for a loving Heavenly Father who teaches us in such a gentle and kind way. He knows us so well. He knows what we can handle and what we can become.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Gina,

    Take it from me we are still very young, (especially you) with lots of mistakes to make. I think most will be mental (or doctrinal as you put it) but those are harder to catch because there's nothing but our own self-conscience to catch them. Keeping track of our own thoughts and evaluating them to be right is quite a hard undertaking to be doing all the time each day. The implication failures are pretty tough, and they stay with (me at least) for a long time, so I think I know what you're going through. I can totally tell we're related.