I have been thinking about this blog a lot.
At first I had a blog to document my time in Rome (hence the URL), then I wanted a blog because everyone else has one and I am not going to lie I wanted to do what everyone else was doing (I tend to be like that).
However, I found that I wasn't really enjoying blogging. I felt like my posts were beyond random and connected in no way.
So I started to think and conjured up a couple of different ideas.
Ultimately considering blessings in my life won out.
There is something so wonderful about realizing blessings. It revives the spirit and gives perspective on life. So I am happy to say that this is a the new start of this blog.
I am thankful for decision making.
When its happening its AWFUL. It seems as if your innards are being pulled apart by the universe. Your worldy desires clash with your secret wishes. Your need for acceptance against something that will surely set you apart and up for critique. However, nothing feels better than finalizing your decision and realizing it is so totally perfect for you.
Last quarter I applied for Graduate school, I was all set and even got an interview. This is what my college education had been built up for, right? My whole family was planning on this, my mom LOVED the idea, and everything was going so smoothly. It seemed like a good sign.
Then a few quiet whispers came and plagued my mind for months. The issue: starting a family. I kept imagining beautiful babes and wily toddlers bring joy and purpose to each day.
I thought and prayed and fasted and went to the temple. However I still was so unsure.
I decided that I would figure it out by the time interviews came up and I was right. I received an interview for graduate school and upon going to a meeting to learn about the program I opened myself up the best I could to the whisperings of the Spirit.
The entire time my mind, heart, and soul told me....it just wasn't right. The feeling was so sound, so secure. I knew that declining the interview and grad school and having a family was the right choice. After the meeting I walked outside eager to call Kyle and got no reply. Instead I walked in silence against the dark navy sky.
I was overcome with an image of a baby son in my arms, my heart filled with such warmth and happiness that I knew without a doubt in my being that this is what was right.
I am so grateful for decision making and its outcome and the growth that comes with it. I am even more grateful for children and for families for the the pure joy they bring to this world.